I have a quick question and i wonder if anyone has any experience.
So we even occasionally talk on the phones and its so very amicable with an odd joke. When it comes to face to face interaction, h doesnt look at me! Like literally most of the time its no eye contact, its like im invisible I know its not strictly db, but i have forgiven him and all i have is a lot of kindness in my heart and my kids are my priority.
So, you've forgiven him to release all those negative feelies from your heart, but he has not forgiven himself, and it's making your in-person meetings awkward for the kids. Sorry, no experience! Ironic--so many people complain their WWS or WAS acts like nothing happened, and that's exactly what you want.
Exactly that! Paradox! This probably irritates me more than anything else, if i say something it will be bringing uo the past and will be confrontational and i dont want to do that, but what do i do i havent got a clue. Just continue being kind in hope that it will turn him towards being able to be around me comfortably?
Its been just slightly over 12 months and this week has been really odd. Its been crazy at work, kids unwell, incident at school with S5. So H and I saw each other pretty much everyday this week, spoke extensively, he rung me to check on the kids and have a chat. He only ever rings me when he isnt with OW. This morning we have dropped the boys off at school (s5) stayed with me and s7 was with him, they were running late as i was walking back to the car and H suggested that we both take S7 into school so i walked with them. So things are definitely improving in terms of our communication and him being able to be around me and being ok being in the same space with the boys. There is however this parallel relationship that we have that covers house finance etc, so all unresolved issues.
And im finding this a little tricky to manage and trying to meep any negative feelings out of our co parenting relationship. This week has been so tense at work that i literally burst out crying in front of him when he asked me if i was ok.
How long has it been for you with your ex? I mean is there a point in life where they become normal? I sort of feel 12 months is a long enough time, but maybe men and women process things differently, and well he is the WAS, not me.
Thanks Wooba, things should settle as we go into the summer and lockdown is eased. Or things could get worse once we leave lockdown behind.
Really confused with H behaviour. He wanted to test the market, so i said if you want to see if we can get the fight amount for the house you can do it, but you will have to deal with all the viewings etc. I have made it clear that until me and the boys can find something suitable for us longterm and we sort all of our finances we wont be going anywhere. So we agreed on an evening yesterday to have a face to face convo about it all. And guess what.....radio silence from him all day and obv he didnt show. All i got was a txt on how are the boys. Im really confused by this behaviour, honestly i made sure im calm and collected all day prior to the convo, was a little anxious, and he just didnt show!?!
Honestly Steve, its been a year, life goes on, he lives with another woman, get over it. Im just living my life and tackling the problems as they arise, im not driving anything but likewise not obstructive in any way. These convos need to be had and they need to happen face to face, which will be good fun, as he cant look me in the eye. Im just so frustrated about it. Its a little like he got what he wanted, as in the house is going in the market, but it totally pointless as he cant sell it without my say so, alternatively ue can take me to court, and i will ask for a stop order on the house sale anyway until the kids are older. But he doesnt even have the money to take me to court anyway!
13 months on and well there is literally nothing to report. Convo re house sale started and we are at the stage of lets test the market and see if we can even sell it. I agreed to that. Otherwise life very much continues, i have tried dating, erm its too early, it doesnt work, im totally closed off from the make population in the sense that i dont want to let anyone into my and childrens lives. Every now and again i get a spike of emotions about the whole ordeal, but overall, i feel good, i look good, work is going well and i have just been promoted, just waiting for all papers to be drawn up and signed.
There are days when i want to set deadlines so i can start having the convo re divorce with H, but mostly i just feel like i have found balance in the circumstances of life and im good. Lets deal with one problem at a time.
Kids miss H and still want him to come back and actively tell him and me that they want us to be a family. We still have tears and upset at bedtime
There is nothing wrong with not being ready to date yet. There will be men 6mo from now. This great one will be newly off the market. That great one will be newly on the market. It sounds like your children have a lot they are still working through and, commendably, they are your priority just now.