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JosephS Offline OP
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Hey, I still come and look every so often to see how people are doing and see if I can add anything to peoples situations.

D is finalized after a last Hail Mary on her part. The EX is still convinced we are supposed to be together. Still tried every few weeks to be friends or more. Claims the only reason she signed the divorce paperwork was so we could get remarried and have a fresh start. Of course she’s claiming all of this while still living with someone else. In other words she’s just as delusional and nuts as she’s always been. I just don’t care. I feel sorry for her. I really do. Her whole life is built on hate, lies and deceptions and that’s gotta be a hard life to live. But she seems to enjoy the drama and craziness, so more power to her. I’ve just had enough to last the rest of my life.

The ex’s b/f is attempting to claim I tried to hit him with a car and have been stalking him. Yep that’s his defense for what happened. Just as crazy as his girlfriend. He’s continued his trial a few times. I think they realize if he pleads or is found guilty that’s just another tip of the cap of she won’t be seeing her kids. They won’t be allowed around him either. Just funny to claim all this when I’ve seen the video of him sneaking up from behind me while I’m pumping gas. And he has produced no evidence that I’ve ever contacted him in anyway, because I haven’t.

We do go back for another custody hearing in a few weeks. I’m sure it’ll get continued or she’ll no show or just flat out lose. I don’t worry about it anymore. Sadly I’ve accepted she uses attempting to get the kids as away to attempt to control me. I just worry about what’s in my control and let god handle the rest.

Kids are doing great. Everyone is back in school except my oldest daughter who’s virtual. She seems to thrive and do better in a non traditional environment. But she still has a social life and a job so she’s not being a shut in which was my biggest concern. The EX still tries to manipulate the kids and blame me for her behavior and claim they don’t know everything. Still calls all of them liars for calling her out on her abuse. Claims I abused her etc etc blah blah. It’s just a broken record and the kids just shake their head at it at this point and move on with their day.

Me and my G/F are doing great. She’s still a wonderful blessing. Baby is due next month and I couldn’t be more excited. We have a name picked out which goes with my 4 other daughters names. Her family is throwing a baby shower in a few weeks and my G/F is gonna come pick up my daughters and take them. Her family made sure to include them which was amazing. She’ll be fully moved in within a few weeks and life will begin anew. I love my new life and I’m thankful for the opportunities I’ve been given. We have certain rules we have followed and I think they are wonderful rules for us. I can’t say they’ll work for everyone. When we argue we still make sure to say I love you. If one of us hurts the others feelings we stop and talk about it. That particularly has helped me realize sometimes my playful sarcasm can be hurtful. That’s just one example and it does go both ways. I think we’ve established healthy boundaries and established a relationship where hidden resentment won’t build up. Just need to ensure that we don’t become complacent or start to take what we have for granted.

All in all I’m doing really well. The kids are doing better than I’ve ever seen them before during or after all this. We are all happy, excited for life and really looking forward to whatever the future holds.


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
Joined: Mar 2019
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"Sadly I’ve accepted she uses attempting to get the kids as away to attempt to control me. I just worry about what’s in my control and let god handle the rest."

Exactly brother, thats where I ended up on this year-long suckfest. God has been far too good to me and I have been faithful and doing my best to be obedient. When I get overloaded I remember to lay it at his feet, nothing is impossible for him.

"I love my new life and I’m thankful for the opportunities I’ve been given. We have certain rules we have followed and I think they are wonderful rules for us."

That is awesome, yep I realized that although life did not work out the way we wanted, it absolutely can be better, and complacency is definitely such a big thing to keep an eye on, I really like what you posted! NEVER stop dating laugh

Last edited by Steve_; 10/01/21 08:40 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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JosephS,

Fantastic update! Glad to hear you, your kids, and your GF are doing so well. Good luck with the baby next month...are you ready for diapers and no sleep? ;-) Hope the legal process on the assault and the custody hearing both go well.

Originally Posted by JosephS
D is finalized after a last Hail Mary on her part. The EX is still convinced we are supposed to be together. Still tried every few weeks to be friends or more. Claims the only reason she signed the divorce paperwork was so we could get remarried and have a fresh start. Of course she’s claiming all of this while still living with someone else. In other words she’s just as delusional and nuts as she’s always been.
So bizarre. Will never understand how some of their minds work...

Originally Posted by JosephS
That particularly has helped me realize sometimes my playful sarcasm can be hurtful.
This is a lesson I'm learning as well, and need to be mindful of in the future. I have a better understanding now of ExW's self-esteem, anxiety, and family issues than I did before BD - don't appreciate their magnitude back then and the impact they were having on our marriage. I tend to joke/tease/be sarcastic around people I'm comfortable with. Even though I thought I was playful and she wasn't objecting, I can now see how those jokes combined with her esteem/childhood issues could be hurtful and damaging.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: Mar 2020
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Well I hope if anyone can get anything from me it’s this.

Healing happens at different rates for different people but make sure you are healing and not filling a void with someone else. Using someone to make yourself feel better is a miserable thing to do.

Not enough left behind spouses take a good look in the mirror. What role did we play in the break down in the relationship is something we should be spending more time addressing. LBS tend to let themselves be victims and blame everything on their partners. But if you are honest with yourself, how many red flags did you ignore? How many before and during the marriage. As the saying goes, those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.

One thing I see on here a lot and it really bothers me is one of two things. #1, just because someone left you for whatever reason. It could be cheating, or being bored, or years of emotional neglect, doesn’t make them automatically a bad parent. You can be terrible at being a spouse but still be an excellent parent. I think to many equate leaving a marriage and walking out of that relationship to walking out on their kids. #2 it really surprises me how many people use their kids to try to demonize and or manipulate their STBEX. I’m sure this won’t sound great, but I know some will understand. It really would have done me personally a world of good if I didn’t have an abusive ex that I could have trusted with my kids. I can’t tell you how often I was overworked and overwhelmed. The only time I got to feel what happened and heal was when I posted on here or when I went to bed. It would have been nice if my kids could have gone to my ex’s house and I could have came home and just…really cried. But I couldn’t because my kids were abused and they couldn’t see the only person they had left breakdown even if it was momentarily.

I hope someone someday reads all this and sees maybe they prioritized, work, drinking, football, the car, the motorcycle, hunting, fishing, video games, or whatever over their spouse and that doesn’t make their spouse a bad parent and a horrible person because they handled the break up of their marriage the wrong way. I wish people would really prioritize what was best for their children and really understand their children will heal and that spouse is that child’s blood.

And lastly, people spend way to much time trying to label their ex’s. Whether a midlife crisis, a WAS, habitual cheater, or the spouse that got nagged to death for a decade, it doesn’t really matter. Start working on yourself, because if you aren’t going to be the best version of you and stick to it, that spouse isn’t coming back and you’re most likely going to be right back here in your next relationship.

Last edited by JosephS; 10/02/21 03:03 PM.

Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 417
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JosephS Offline OP
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Well my new baby was born last Friday. She’s such a cutie and such a good baby. She didn’t particularly like the car ride home, but she loves sleeping on my chest in my chair. She’s already a Daddy’s girl and I couldn’t be happier to have a 5th daughter.

My kids waited at home for their new sister to come home, and all took turns holding her and just being fantastic about the whole situation.

I came to this site a destroyed man in March of 2020. Most people will remember this as the beginning of COVID. I will remember this as the beginning of my journey to happiness.

Everything really has come together. I’m happy, humble, and have a new zest for life.


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
Joined: Jan 2019
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Congratulations Joseph smile

I love to see the LBS take control of their life and come out the other side stronger and happier smile

All the the best.


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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Congratulations!


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.- Will Smith
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Joseph, congrats. Good to see you moving forward healthy and happy!


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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