Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 417
J
JosephS Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 417
Well, I guess life isnt done being complicated.

Number one they still havent filed formal charges which is making me anxious. Hes a firefighter so I hope that doesnt come into play. And he is apparently the current boyfriend. Apparently they never broke up. Lol go figure. My ex also had her lawyer send a letter to my lawyer claiming I tried to run him over and that he needed to defend himself. And Im not emotionally stable and theyre concerned for the kids. Just great. And than...


So yesterday my girlfriend stayed home from work to help me. She helped make the kids lunches and dinner. She got my prescriptions and green tea etc. little things I never had anyone do before if I was home. She helped me into the shower too because good lord with a broken foot everything stinks.

However, because theres always gotta be something, shes laying in bed with me, rubbing my back, and she says honey, we need to talk. Ooookay, well this cant be good. I dont move, just say ok. She asks me to roll onto my side and look at her. I do this slowly yet I dont say a word. She has the biggest smile and her eyes are glasses from tears. Oh great. I instinctively know right away. I dont know how, but I do. She says my love, Im pregnant.

So I have baby number 6 on the way. My oldest turns 18 on Saturday. Im not sure how to process this on top of everything else.

Ill update later. To much going on


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,132
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,132
Joe_S

Oooooooooooooweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........I'm glad you are ok, but this right here might become a sitcom on CBS or a Netflix movie one day.

I don't know your religion, but you might want to get that snip snip. You dropping your futures like Future at one of his concerts.

You will be in my prayers.

Take it one day at a time.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,054
Likes: 11
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,054
Likes: 11
Well......

Joseph, not sure how to react to this. Congrats, I guess? Seems too soon, but it is your life, not mine. I am assuming this was not planned, and so there are a lot of future issues that this could bring up (like if you do not marry this woman, etc).

First of all, heal up. You have to get healthy again. As far as the accusations of trying to run over the ex's BF, there are witnesses and security footage so that will show he was not acting in self-defense.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 417
J
JosephS Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 417
Steve I appreciate it. I thought the tongue lashing was coming. Personally Im not to worried about the legal stuff. Thatll work itself out.

I agree its to early. But if Im being honest if it had to happen Im glad its with her. And regardless Im aware if things dont work out it wont get nasty. I couldnt ever say the same as before.

Personally, and this is going to sound hypocritical, religiously speaking I hope god wont kick my @$$ for creating a child out of wed lock. And the hypocritical part is I certainly wasnt worried about Gods opinion while doing things to make that kid. I am conflicted on a moral level. And though I always appreciate anyones support and thoughts, Steve I know youre a religious man, so Im definitely open to what you think.

Last edited by JosephS; 05/05/21 11:03 PM.

Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,054
Likes: 11
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,054
Likes: 11
Joseph, obviously from a religious (Christian) standpoint it isn't what God endorses from a fornication standpoint. However, it happens, as you say, when you do what it takes to produce a child. However, the child is loved by God like all of his children, so obviously once conception happens, there is another soul that God loves that comes from that.

It does no good for me to berate you for your choice. It it like yelling at spilled milk. You can't unspill it. But, I do have a couple of pieces of advice to you:

First, you can be a father to this child without being a husband to his or her mother. What I mean by this is that I am not an advocate of marrying just because a GF comes up pregnant. One mistake shouldn't beget another mistake. If im the future you decide to marry it should be independent of this pregnancy.

Second, I know what you mean with your moral struggle. The act that produces children is a private act. Others might suspect it is happening, but no one really knows. But when she comes up pregnant, then everyone knows that it went on at least once, and most are wise enough to know that it happened more often than once . So I think you are struggling with the outward appearance of something that cannot be hid. I wouldn't worry about that.

Joseph, you can make your life right with your beliefs from this point forward. I don't know what all of your personal beliefs are, but clearly you feel that sex outside of marriage is not in keeping with those beliefs. I think it is R2C that says striving to live up to your core beliefs is paramount to living a life that is rewarding and fulfilling.

So what I think is simple. Love this child, be the best father you can possibly be for him or her. As for your moral struggle, figure out what your personal beliefs are and then strive to do what you feel is right from this moment forward, regardless of your past mistakes.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 417
J
JosephS Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 417
Steve I just wanted to say thank you for your kindness.

So quick update:

Everything with the ex should be final in the next couple of months if not sooner. Everything is finally worked out and submitted.

I havent heard a word from her since everything went down a few weeks ago. So hey, may have been worth it after all lol. The guy that attacked me was arrested for aggravated assault and harassment. Has a prelim next month. CYS did not get involved as of yet.

My lawyer told me not worried about her ever getting custody as long as she with him. It wouldnt be safe so on top of everything else, I got that going for me.

Onto the baby situation. My girlfriend is definitely pregnant and we had a our first doctors appointment. Shes so excited and I gotta admit its really cute. Ive spoken to my kids counselor and theyve pointed us in the direction of some very good family counselors, so we agreed to go that route. I think its the best option for the situation.

Hope everyone is well.


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 494
Likes: 8
B
Member
Online
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 494
Likes: 8
JosephS,
Originally Posted by JosephS
So last night I was pumping gas and I was hit in the back of my head, with what, couldnt tell you. I must have been hit multiple times in the face and my foot is broke.

All I know, is it was my EXs boyfriend who attacked me from behind. He was arrested and Im obviously pressing charges.

Omg, that is bat sh*&t crazy. Glad you're not hurt too seriously (if a broken foot doesn't count as serious), and doubly glad there was video/witnesses. This is literally insane. It can't be common...right?

Originally Posted by SteveLW
Funny how WSs almost without fail affair down. Kind of make sense, since only a slimeball would mess with someone else's spouse. But I cannot think of one instance, here or in my personal life, where I've witnessed a WS that actually chose an upgrade for their AP. In every instance I've been left scratching my head thinking "that doesn't make sense!"

Indeed. That is an interesting phenomenon. A lot of people refer to the term online, but wonder if there are actual statistics behind it? Certainly true in my case with W's OM1 and OM2. Seems like they need validation / ego boost and the lesser person gives that more easily that the spouse? But maybe the "down" part of the "affair down" causes issues for them in the long run after a certain honeymoon period (whether it be 6 months or 3 years).

Originally Posted by JosephS
Well, I guess life isnt done being complicated...

However, because theres always gotta be something, shes laying in bed with me, rubbing my back, and she says honey, we need to talk. Ooookay, well this cant be good. I dont move, just say ok. She asks me to roll onto my side and look at her. I do this slowly yet I dont say a word. She has the biggest smile and her eyes are glasses from tears. Oh great. I instinctively know right away. I dont know how, but I do. She says my love, Im pregnant.

So I have baby number 6 on the way. My oldest turns 18 on Saturday. Im not sure how to process this on top of everything else.

Yikes. I'm sure you'll love the child and not imagine your life without him or her, but man is that going to be complicated - and difficult - for everyone involved. Reminds me of Wolfman. How long have you been dating your girlfriend? Is it true you have 5 kids with your ex, your ex had one with another man while married to you, and now you have one on the way? Good call on the family counselor for your kids.

Originally Posted by JosephS
I havent heard a word from her since everything went down a few weeks ago. So hey, may have been worth it after all lol. The guy that attacked me was arrested for aggravated assault and harassment. Has a prelim next month. CYS did not get involved as of yet.

My lawyer told me not worried about her ever getting custody as long as she with him. It wouldnt be safe so on top of everything else, I got that going for me.

Good. Glad to hear he was arrested. Sounds like a slam dunk case with video and eye witnesses. If it helps you keep custody, all the better.

Good luck JosephS. You have a lot going on in your life. Hope everything turns out for the best.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,686
Likes: 15
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,686
Likes: 15
Hi Joseph,

The comparison to Wolfman's situation makes sense in that the pregnancy was unplanned, and the timing makes life more complicated for your kids than if you used protection and made a conscious choice. Please also note the differences--you and your girlfriend get along very well and you are in no danger of losing your kids. I think there is still a lot of promise in your situation. I support your decision to recruit a family therapist and second Steve's thought not to marry just because she's pregnant. When would you have married her without the pregnancy? Consider waiting. Marriage isn't to hide you had sex outside marriage. People will figure that out anyway when they compare birthdays and wedding dates. wink



Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 417
J
JosephS Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 417
Hey BL42, thanks for stopping by!

Its actually more complicated and less complicated than that lol. My 18 year old, I met him when he was 8 months old. Im actually in the process of adopting him as an adult. So Im super excited about that. The next 4 are biologically mine. My ex did have a baby in January. That doesnt complicate things in the slightest. She hid it, lied about it, and did whatever else. My kids know about her baby, but not because of my ex. Well see if it lasts, but theyve never met the baby, and as of now have no intention too and dont feel as if its a sibling. Whatever they choose to do in that regard they have my full support. My ex hasnt shown any inclination to have the baby meet the other kids and hasnt asked them. To me, this is going to go one of two ways. Shes either going to run as far away as she can and pretend we never existed in a new made up life in a different state, or her entire world is going to blow up and shell try to come back and use that baby as a way to attempt to talk to people. No idea which one and at the end of the day I really dont care.

As far as the OM and her attraction, I think back to the numerous conversations weve had over the last 15 months and how many lies and made up stories shes told, but there have been a hand full where I know she was being honest. She told me what she liked about him, that she was smarter, he believed everything she said without question and she can manipulate him. And those traits made it so she can do or say whatever she wants and never have to worry about him leaving. The fact that he stole a married woman means he must be so special and they are meant for each other she would never do those things to him...she actually said these things, and I believe every word of it. Itd sad, and pathetic.

CW, always appreciate the positivity. Me and my girlfriend do get along very well. Shes active with me physically, emotionally and mentally. She pushes me to be a better person but does it in a loving manner. Shes absolutely amazing with my kids in every way. If my kids need me they come first and she makes sure of that, as do I. As an example, my youngest was having a tough day because of some school yard petty stuff, and we were all supposed to have dinner. My girlfriend heard my youngest talking to her sister about it after she told me, and she stopped by with dinners for everyone from a restaurant with a Redbox movie for my youngest gave me a hug and a kiss gave my youngest a huge hug, and told me to call her later and eat with the kids and watch a movie with them. Its the small things like that..shes amazing.

No we wont get married because of the baby, but we are going to figure out a way to live together in the future. Will we get married? Idk, I never thought Id want to again, not after that disaster. But I can tell you if I woke up next to her everyday, well the thought makes me smile. Just gonna take things a step and day at a time.


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 494
Likes: 8
B
Member
Online
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 494
Likes: 8
JosephS,

Saw you post on another thread. How are things with you? Did the D finalize? What about the legal aspects of the assault? Everything ok w/GF and baby?


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard