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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2897414#Post2897414

So I'm switching up the title, I think this fits better.

So previously in the last episode of the Young and the ridiculous..as I stated the STBXW wouldn't stop texting or attempting to call me all night last night, and picked right up this morning and afternoon. I did decide to email her back.

Dear ********.
I can appreciate what you are going through. I can almost even sympathize with you. You know my stance on men hitting woman, (though I do find it ironic you told people I abused you), so I can feel for you. No one deserves to be hit. What you are failing to understand, or conveniently forgetting is that included your children.

Every message or voicemail you left today didn't show an ounce of growth. It showed you still can't see past your own selfishness. You haven't apologized to the children for what you did. You still haven't attempted to get real honest lasting help for your...issues. You do nothing but focus on me. You don't need to do that. We are no more. I am honestly happier with my life now, than I have ever been. This isn't meant to hurt you, and this isn't a challenge to get you to try harder. This is me, being 100% honest with you, and myself. Our marriage was broken long before the duct tape fell off the shattered window pane that was our marriage. We held onto a thread in a hurricane. All the affair did was rip the glue off what needed to be welded.

I encourage you to face your demons, I encourage you to get real help. Lean on your family for the support you are so desperately going to need. I am just am not your family anymore, and our children, are just that, children, so don't you dare look to them to be your support system.

I do hope you take a hard look in the mirror. Your life had so much potential, and right now you're an airplane spiraling at the ground with a passed out pilot at the controls.

But you are still only 34 with so much potential to have a better future, so don't give up on yourself. You can have so much more. But it's totally up to you to ensure that happens.

Good luck, and I hope you and the baby are ok.

*****


So that's what I wrote, I feel good about it. I think it makes my stance clear, yet doesn't come off to rough or kicking someone while they're down no matter how much she may deserve it.

Real quick, no I am not taking her back. No I am not tempted in the slightest. I enjoy not being filled with anxiety and depression. I am 100% sure she'll go after the children now, and they have been made aware. The double edge sword in this situation is they are a little more battle tested than most kids. I did make their therapist aware of the situation just in case however. So we'll see where this goes. I'm not gonna sit around like I use to and worry about it, it doesn't solve anything and just waste precious time and I wasted enough of that in my life.


Me: 37
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Steve, I wanted to just say to you specifically, detaching was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But once I did, I was above the clouds and haze of the manipulation, games, deceit and self denial about the person I married, and the life I convinced myself I was ok to live in. Once you get there, and you will, it's an awaking that is lights up your soul and fills you with warmth.

I saw you were going to church, and I think that's an amazing way to GAL. There are so many good people and safe activities for you and your kids! Hang in there, Spring is around the corner, nature is going to look alive again, and I hope you take a moment to look around and experience the growth all around you, and partake in that growth for yourself.


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Holy crap J! You sure are an inspiration on this board!
I understand sending that email and surely understand the feeling of sending it.
Good on you for taking care of you kids and being ready!
I have to ask, how are things between you legally?
Do you have full custody?

Last edited by Mumin; 03/13/21 05:56 PM.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
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Originally Posted by Mumin
Holy crap J! You sure are an inspiration on this board!
I understand sending that email and surely understand the feeling of sending it.
Good on you for taking care of you kids and being ready!
I have to ask, how are things between you legally?
Do you have full custody?


I have full physical and legal custody of my 4 girls and my son turns 18 in a month and a half. Iím sure sheíll file for custody or visitation again and again and again so it wonít be over for another 9 years but weíll get through it.


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That letter was awesome, Joseph!


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted by JosephS
Steve, I wanted to just say to you specifically, detaching was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But once I did, I was above the clouds and haze of the manipulation, games, deceit and self denial about the person I married, and the life I convinced myself I was ok to live in. Once you get there, and you will, it's an awaking that is lights up your soul and fills you with warmth.

I saw you were going to church, and I think that's an amazing way to GAL. There are so many good people and safe activities for you and your kids! Hang in there, Spring is around the corner, nature is going to look alive again, and I hope you take a moment to look around and experience the growth all around you, and partake in that growth for yourself.


Great post. Steve_ is going to benefit greatly from your perspective, JosepehS!


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Update

Well I canít say I wasnít warned by many on here


So last night I was pumping gas and I was hit in the back of my head, with what, couldnít tell you. I must have been hit multiple times in the face and my foot is broke.

All I know, is it was my EXs boyfriend who attacked me from behind. He was arrested and Iím obviously pressing charges.

Seriously, I thought this was over and done with. Sheís just the gift that keeps on giving.


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OMG Joseph!!! So glad you are healthy enough to post on here and werenít more seriously injured (although a broken foot seems pretty serious). Thatís just a whole other level of crazy!! Hope you heal soon and there was security footage of the assault so this jerk can be fully prosecuted. (((HUGS)))


Me 53
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Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
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Joseph I know I never really wrote on your thread before because well exW is certifiable. There wasn't every much to say. And I didn't have time to re-read everything but but I just want to give you a heads up given your situation on a few things. 1) all of this is going to trigger social services getting involved with that baby 2) if you were still legally married when she had that baby in most places you are the legal father even if you aren't the bio dad and this will cause complications once social services gets involved 3) given the situation with your exW's baby daddy and her "issues," since that's what we're going with, there is a very, very high likelihood that the state will be taking that baby in the near future. If the paternity isn't in order you will be getting roped into this mess 4) with custody of her other children you will be asked if you'd be willing to take that baby, they may even push it if you are the legal father while that situation resolves. I'd give your lawyer a call and see if they know a good juvenile justice attorney or if they can handle this matter should it arise to this level. And given the time I've spent in juvenile and family court I would say there is a very high likelihood that a good chunk of the above will happen.

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WOW. Crazy. Man I hate hearing stories like this. No one, H or W, BF or GF is worth this kind of thing. What in the world was he thinking?!?


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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