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Ginger1 Offline OP
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I really appreciate the support and kind words. I do go out to dinner last night with friends I haven’t seen in a while. It was fun. This week D13 got accepted into a special academy for high school. I’m super proud of her and she’s proud of herself.

I’m hoping my spirit will start lifting again when most starts to feel better.

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Ginger,

Checking on you. Are you okay?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi Ginger, Checking in on you too. That's a lot of snow you've had! Glad to hear you got out to dinner with friends. And that's awesome about D13!

I hope you are feeling better. I've never had to deal with physical pain as you've described, but I do know how it feels to feel crappy about the body you're in. Start with your mind and the rest will follow. I do hope you find something to soothe your soul.

((HUGS))


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Hello! Thanks for checking in on me! Everything is fine, I’ve just decided that I finally have to truly focus on myself. I haven’t been. I don’t know that I ever truly have.

I’ve been doing something about the pain. Seeing the doctors I need. My foot in improving a bit. Not 100% but I can walk much longer distances now. I got the new echelon bike which is the poor man’s peloton, but it’s wonderful and my new addiction and I use it every day. I’ve been on weight watchers and it’s been going well, it’s a slow lose, but a healthy lose. I’ve been spending time with some new friends at work and we go out and do something fun on the weekends. It’s been what my mental health has really needed. The loneliness and isolation was really really getting to me. I think D13 knew that too. When I got invited out with these friends the first time, it was her weekend with me and she really wanted me to go. She even felt I needed to get out and see friends and people . My kitchen floors and some painting got done yesterday. I’m super excited about that. I’m at my dads and haven’t see it yet, but I can’t wait.

I’ve also pretty much ditched social media. I check FB maybe once a day because I like to follow the group of the people who have my bike program. It’s a fun community and it keeps me motivated.

I was beginning to really see how comparison is the thief of joy. I couldn’t emotionally handle seeing so many “happy” couples and families on social media anymore. It just made me feel even more lonely. And I would spiral into “why is this the life meant for me? I don’t understand why my destiny was to be lonely” and in all honesty, my life has been a challenge since day 1. I always knew I would have challenges and have to work extra hard for things that come so easy to others. I accepted that. I just never imagined that I was supposed to be so alone and lonely in this world. I have been through the worst of things, but I never really thought I would have to through them so damn alone. I was watching a documentary about a woman dying of cancer. She was 37. Her and her husband loved eachother so much . She said “if I could have never gotten sick and lived to be old, but I would have had to do that alone and without my husband, I would chose being sick and dying with my great love rather than living forever never knowing him” that kicked me in the feels. I have had guilt about feeling that way myself.

However, I decided I am not wallowing in that anymore and I have just decided to live my life. I’ve been distracting myself nicely. I just need to not think about it.

In April I’m going to visit my friend in FL I haven’t seen since her wedding. It’s time. I miss her horribly and a few days away is much needed.

D13 is doing good, she seems to be having better less annoying teenager days. We are actively working on it together. I love that kid like crazy and I’m super proud of her.

That’s a little update. I hope everyone is doing well.

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Glad to hear you’re doing better, G! Comparison is the thief of joy - SO true! That was my ex’s problem really -even given everything he had, it wasn’t enough. He was too busy resenting the people in our wealthy community who had even more.

And those happy couples on FB? Half of it isn’t what it appears to be, you know that. I think it was a good choice for you to stay off. (My ex’s life probably looks perfect on FB - hot young wife, retired young at 60, exotic travel (pre-pandemic), surfer pad at the beach. You’d never know about his new chronic pain syndrome, his wife’s depression after her mother’s death, his parent’s serious illnesses, his strained relationships with his children.

While he’s much better off financially than I am, and I’ll probably have to work until 70 to secure my own retirement in a way that also protects my kids, I still feel like I got the better end of the deal. I know him, he’s probably still unhappy with his lot. I’ve got work that I love, a good relationship with my kids, a successful music hobby, and most of all, contentment with what I have and a deep appreciation for it when so many are suffering and struggling.

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(((Ginger))). So happy to read you are making yourself a priority these days. You are smart to stay off of social media. Comparison IS the thief of happiness. There have been a number of studies done on social media and the effects it has on mental health...in particular for adolescent females. High rates of social media use is positively correlated with high rates of depression. Taking a break from it is a great idea. I agree with KML. You never know what is going on in someone’s REAL life. People generally don’t post about their struggles...they just show you the good things. Glad you are taking such positive steps. Have a wonderful time in Florida!!! (((HUGS)))

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Thank you! I really have decided to make myself a priority these days. I have neglected myself so much, it’s not even funny. I’ve put myself, my needs, and feelings last pretty much my whole life. Always afraid I was selfish, or hurting someone else if I gave myself some attention and peace, even if everyone else in my life didn’t agree with it.

I continue to take care of my health. Seeing the doctors I need to, and I exercise every single day. I may not be thin, but I’m much healthier. My resting heart rate is in the low 60’s and I checked out great at my physical. I got my MRI and I do indeed have herniated discs leaning on my nerves and will be getting an epidural injection for that. I am really looking forward to relief because the beautiful weather is here. I can’t wait to ride my bike, hike, kayak, and paddle board. Paddle boarding is so much fun. D13 enjoys these activities too.

I had renovations to my house and it’s coming along nicely. I made a workout room for myself which also includes a bar! I have this little extra room off my living room and I have optimized it. My kitchen is coming along, and my next step is my counters and backsplash. My stimulus check should help with that. I continue with my second job, and I might pick up a third.... COVID vaccinator! It would be so awesome to take part in that.

Dating : I might be ready. My change in my physical appearance was holding me back. But I’m doing something about it and well, I’m still attractive. It’s all in how I carry it. I wasn’t used to the changes. But if I don’t project confidence, whether I am thin or not, it won’t be attractive either way. I must admit, I do love how I just don’t worry about anyone but me and the kid lately. I’m not chatting with any guys from online, I’m not having to find time for anyone else.... I just worry about me and the kiddo. I do what I want with my free time. OTOH, I am just so craving companionship and intimacy, I might be willing to sacrifice some of my utter freedom for the right guy. But wow, I realize it would really have to be the right guy. I was going through my past encounters relationships, and I was pathetic. Never really respected myself. I refuse to ever disrespect myself again. I am almost 41. For the love of god, I need to show myself some love and respect! Well, my new friends want to hook me up. I would actually prefer that route. I have been open to it.

Speaking of relationships..... a part of my exit from constant social media kind of has me ashamed. My last single social media friends ( people I know, people I went to high school with, fellow single/divorced folk) have all found serious relationship ships recently. Have come out about them publicly, are buying houses, showing all the love. I’m so happy for them. But feel awful for myself. I can’t help but think “what is wrong with me? Why am I still single, and why am I meant to be alone?” And this is different from the happy couple stuff of long time married couples. These are people I know are happy and finally, after struggle have found what they had hoped for. It should be inspirational. But instead I feel like sh!t about myself.

What can I do? I stay off social media, check it once a day, go on and enjoy the highlights of my singledom. But I can’t help but feel? “When in the he!! Will it be my turn already?!”

And I can’t lie. I wonder what my ex thinks about me being single 13 later. Like he was right, there really is something wrong with me. No one has wanted me or committed to me in 13 years. He must have been right about whatever he thought was unlovable and leaves me about me. I’m working hard on letting this go. I shouldn’t care what he thinks at all. And I’m assuming he thinks that. But from the outside , wow, Ginger must really be defective.

I’m still holding on to maybe the universe is holding me out for something incredible.

If you made it this far, you’re awesome.

I’m really doing better than I have in a very long time, even if I still have dark thoughts. I can get away from them pretty easily. I am finally , in a long time, comfortable and happy in life

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Quote
I wonder what my ex thinks about me being single 13 later. Like he was right, there really is something wrong with me. No one has wanted me or committed to me in 13 years. He must have been right about whatever he thought was unlovable and leaves me about me.


Girlfriend - you have to stop listening to that ugly voice in your head. Your stupid ex probably thinks “oh, she can’t find anyone to compare with MY manly self!” Because that’s the kind of idiot he is.

You’re not unlovable. You just have to let the right kind of guy in. And loving yourself and valuing yourself is the first step.

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Originally Posted by Ginger
Like he was right, there really is something wrong with me. No one has wanted me or committed to me in 13 years.

Ginger, I see strength, loyalty, and compassion. You stood for your marriage. You're a nurse during a pandemic. I'm in the male/40s demographic and those are very attractive qualities. What's "wrong" is you're content with who you are and are awaiting the right person. You obviously could've settled quicker.

Originally Posted by Ginger
I was going through my past encounters relationships, and I was pathetic. Never really respected myself. I refuse to ever disrespect myself again.

I feel that from experience. I would hope older, wiser me would instantly discard some past matches.

Originally Posted by Ginger
OTOH, I am just so craving companionship and intimacy, I might be willing to sacrifice some of my utter freedom for the right guy. But wow, I realize it would really have to be the right guy.

I wonder how one knows if they met "the right guy" or "the right gal"? It would seem hard to assess anything beyond attraction, pet peeves, and common interests in a 30-120min date, barring some faux pas such as being rude to a waiter or telling you about a recent misdeed. Fast forward 4-6 dates and you're often in pretty deep. I've relied on "chemistry" in the past, but I'm not so sure that's a good gauge anymore. I'm not dating yet but I'm asking questions, considering the values I seek in a partner and how I would even spot "empathy, determination, sensuality, loyalty."

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PS - Ginger, I wanted to add, you're the one who encouraged me to take a break from dating. 7 weeks in, I'm starting to hear a positive voice instead of an ugly one and it feels much better. I hope you hear that ugly voice in your head a lot less than I've heard mine, and most of the time you realize you're pretty awesome.

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