If you're following along on my dating journey, we left off on date#2 with Bach2.
He was really nice, sweet etc etc, but friend zone for me. I didn't see me wanting a third date badly enough. The fact that I was unsure, and leaning towards no (see my reasons in my last post), and a few conversations with gfs, I decided that it was only fair text Bach2 my thoughts.
One gf, I call her my Sunsai, said "if you feel he needs any fixing, or help to make himself healthier do you really want to that on?" And the answer is not really. And so I sent Bach2 a kind text. He seems like a nice guy, so I may get a thank you or no worries reply. Honestly is best. I'd want the same.
I took a quick peek-a-boo at my POF profile, as I've been off for awhile. I've got male...lol...
To Be Continued....
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
A gf of mine (who's in a relationship) wants me to come with her & have dinner a her male BFFs house. M-BFF's room mate is divorced and single AND is very handsome. My gf and her M-BFF seem pretty excited about it. I the guys picture and he might be too pretty for me...lol. but whatever. It's all about getting out there are meeting people.
Bach2 didn't reply last week to the text I sent him. ("hope we can be friends"..) That's not what I said, but that's the gist of it. I was actually sad that week and really felt bad that I ended things before they got started. Did I hurt his feelings? He's a really nice guy. One thing that I wasn't honest about, was that I didn't like that he smoked. I didn't express that in my text. That bothered me, that I wasn't honest with him or myself. So, I text him today, and he sent a nice reply, and a smiley winky face emoji. That really made my day and I learned a valuable lesson. Just be yourself and be honest.
I haven't had anyone really catch my eye online, and that's okay. It's just a fun way to meet people. I've had to say no thank you to a few. I might have to change my profile so not to attract the wrong guys. Most are WAY to old. Or they don't live anywhere near me.
Zero Expectations. Except laughs. I DO expect laughs...
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Hi kml, D4 and I are fine. Thank you for asking. Our area was not hit. Lots of rain for sure, but we're good.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Last night as I was viewing the "singles-sites", I was surprised to see Bach #2 had sent me a msg. I smiled. Was pleasantly surprised. It's been a month since we stopped chatting. (I ended it mostly because he smoked cigs..occasionally. Read full details a few posts back).
His msg was sent the evening before, 1045ish. Just a simple "hi, how are you this evening". I can't remember what I was doing that evening, but I missed the msg then. After reading it, I didn't know how to reply, so I didn't. But I want to. He's literally the only normal person I've chatted with! Will think of something.
There is a new guy I've chatting with, but he came on a little strong. I called him on it, he apologized and we're still chatting. But frankly, I'm board with this guy. There's zero conversation going on. He doesn't ask me anything about myself. I think he's just "fishing".
Bach #2 was great, except for the smoking, not sure he's in great health either, kind of let himself go a bit. I could get past that physical stuff. He's a great guy, a sweet guy, we really got on well, I did have those tingles of excitement, there was some attraction otherwise there wouldn't have been a 2nd date. Maybe there should have been a third?
Thought?
Ps- Have not met my gf cute friend yet. Not caring really. He's too pretty..lol..
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Hi CanBird, well, the last dating book I read "How Not To Die Alone" strongly encourages at least second dates unless there are red flags and putting off "Is he the love of my life?" and rather answering "Would I enjoy another date?" It's by someone who worked at Bumble and I guess they feel we are often bombarded with too many options when dating and we often make snap judgments on criteria like 5'8" vs 5'9" or how photogenic they are.
Is smoking a dealbreaker for you? If yes, I wouldn't date him.
I've only dated non-smokers before. I admit reading about Bach #2 is making me re-think that stance. It seems similar to a known health condition like "family history of cancer". I'd be more worried if I saw myself introducing them to my children since he'd be modeling a bad habit that could dramatically shorten their lives.
Thursday I got 5 msgs from exH. "Planning to visit D4 next week". The last, "Returning to (other state for work) Apil 15th".
He says he's looking for a place to stay. Much better for all. I have a feeling he'll bring his mom with him. Love my in laws. D4 would love to see her. We'll see.
A little back story: exh has always worked out of state. Since D4 was born, it's been a seasonal 6 months away. So she's use to dad being away for long times. While he was away, he did contact her here & there. When he finished work, it just stopped. Except Christmas. They did a video chat. But no other forms of contact at all.
D4 is fine. We talk. She gets what our D means. She's sassy, like me, but happy. It's a blessing that her dad worked away so much. She doesn't miss him, because he was never here. She doesn't ask to contact him. I don't push her too, but if I think she might want to I ask & go with what she wants. (Unless it's a special occasion... I'd encourage her a lot more). Should I be making her contact her dad more? Maybe that's a question to ask him? Or he can talk to his daughter about it.
He hasn't told me where he is now, but I know. And I know he's been out of the country for at least 3-4 months. (EU). He's a WAS/MLC. Just goes to show that his new life comes first.
I put his remaining items in the garage. Doubt he'll take anything, but one never knows.
There's some unresolved things we need sign off on when he's here. Let us pray it goes my way.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Hoping it all goes well! Don’t know why you think MIL is coming, but if she is, maybe she will help influence him to sign off on things and be done.
As for calling D - he has your number, he could call and talk to her any time. You haven’t stood in the way. Clearly being a parent is not a priority for him and he’s not attached the way a parent should be to a child. Keep being responsive to your daughter when she wants to contact him, but I wouldn’t push her when she’s not interested.
I agree with KML. Make him do the work on that one. I think it is a blessing in disguise that she was used to not seeing him. To her, everything is normal and it doesn’t feel like a loss. That’s great. As she gets older, she will decide for herself how much contact she wants with her dad. Likely she will become aware of other kids who have their dads around full time and her curiosity will increase. That’s what happened with my XH and his daughter. He had never met her and then she started getting curious about him once she started going to school. They met about eight months after we had gotten together and it was difficult because the bond that happens when you raise a child from birth was not there...for either of them. Seeing that, I tried really hard to pave the way for them to form a bond but after 11 years of dealing with her mom (to take the stress off of XH) and pushing him to do more, I eventually left it up to them. They almost made it but after the affair was discovered and his daughter started to look back on his behaviour and how it related to the times he hadn’t been there for her, she decided she couldn’t trust him and that her life was better without him in it. That is where things currently stand and it saddens me. I’m hoping there will be an opportunity for them to have some kind of a positive relationship in the future but that will be up to them. So...my advice, from that experience, is to let them figure it out. Don’t get in the way of it. If he reaches out, help them to be in touch but don’t try to make it happen or make promises on his behalf. That just adds to her disappointment if he doesn’t follow through. Just be the awesome mom you are and see what happens.
Btw...regarding date #3 with Bach #2. I’m leaning towards not having it. It sounds to me that your intuition is telling you he’s not right for you and your brain is just trying to come up with some good objective reasons to justify it. There are lots of great guys out there but it doesn’t mean you should date all of them. He deserves to be with someone who thinks he is “it” and so do you. Be patient. He’s out there. (((Hugs)))
