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Thank you May, i have been thinking a lot about that actually. And i realised that all im being is honest with myself and him, im not trying to manipulate in anyway, im forthcoming with info re kids.
As an example, he was meant to have them Thursday and Friday, well on Thursday i work a short day and the weather was fantastic, so i suggested i collect the kids from school, so we can go on a scooter ride and instead he would have them fri night and all day Saturday. Literally was as upfront as that and he was in absolute agreement! And this is the route i choose to take with him. And rhe amazing thing, it feels so good to have that honesty.

I mean he does irritate me occasionally, but lets be honest he is t the only person who does, all i do, is take a couple of hours before i respond, so im not reacting with emotion, rather being sensible and honest.

Dont know what will happen going forward, but will obv keep you all posted.

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Hi Gigi,

Glad the custody and co-parenting is working out! Long ago, when my kids were in an "aftercare", I'd sometimes pick them up on my ex's days if I was free early to enjoy the afternoon together--of course, being respectful of whose day it was. It's great that you are in a place that you can make impromptu changes when it serves the kids. What are you doing to get out and GAL during these crazy COVID times?



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I hope this continues, h dropped the kids off today and mentioned that S7 wanted us to have a family meeting and discuss a better pattern for them to stay with dad.

We dont really have a set pattern and it works really well for me and H from what i understand. It gives us flexibility and less anxiety around coordinating work and childcare. We both work within the same field and due to covid things are really busy, i could work 7 days a week at the moment if i wanted to. On occasion things have come up on his days and he asked me to collect kids from school and he then collected from my house. We will see what happens there.

GAL is so limited, everything is shut, its very much limited to walk,drive, exercise, movie,book. The rest of the time is filled with the boys and work.

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It will be a year on saturday! Time flies! We have started having s convo re house sale and moving forward still no mention if actual D. All of it is theoretical at this stage, but he is keen to get this sorted asap. I changed my focus to just making sure that we and the boys are financially secure and thats it. If that means staying in the house great, if it means selling so be it. Im not holding onto the house because of the past or because it would be easier fir him to return to marital home.
I cant say i see many changes in him, but then i dont see him very often, maybe once a week, although we communicate re kids over txt pretty much daily! Except the weekend maybe.

We have a new schedule that works, 2 night with him and the third night its just one of the kids, it was particulatly important for s7 so thats what we did. H seems to be generally more reasonable and maybe its the start of the changed for him.
The other night when s7 stayed with h, he told him he ruined his life, apparently they both sobbed and H apologised to S7. Boys are growing up and figuring stuff out slowly too, but still very desperate to have us back as a family.
Thats were we are, but ill keep you posted over the coming weeks.

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How are your boys coping? I am in the beginning of all this and trying my hardest to shield them. But his constant absence and frequent outbursts while he is with them is having real impacts.

I have been doing 180 but stuffed up on the weekend when he was simply too much for me.

Really confused as to my nest step

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Gigi, my one year past BD had me in a very weird place. I started wondering if I had done the right thing trying to and eventually Ring with my WW. I almost became the WAS. I wonder if it had something do with reliving the pain from the year prior. It was weird, and I think we all react differently to the passage of time related to our sitches. But you seem to be in a pretty healthy place mentally and emotionally so keep up the good work!


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Gigi123 Offline OP
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Im so sorry Michka. Me and H dont live togethers, he lives with AP.

There is only so much you can do in terms of shielding them. My stance with all of this has always been, be honest and allow them to talk, ask questions and let their emotions out. I cant tell you how difficult this year has been emotionally.
Its heartbreaking holding your sobbing children every night and listening to them say that their lives have been ruined.

When you read here-be their rock, thats exactly what you need to be, many time i sobbed with them.sometimes after they went to bed. My relationship with the boys is stronger than ever, i have certainly been the rock for them.

There is a reason why everyone says put the focus on you and the kids. If you dont look after yourself the kids will suffer more.

I remember being hung up on 180 and doing it so that H notices. Believe me after a while you wont care whether he notices, you will fond a new groove in life, he wont be part of it. Any changes you make will be for you and the kids.
He will eventually either want to be part of it or not. But its a long journey, this could take years. Its only now that we are coming up to a year our coparenting relationship has got so much better. Noone knows what will happen later, but the universe has a plan, so hang in there and look after yourself.

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Michka,

Please start a thread of your own so that we can assist/support you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Did you recon with your wife? I know what you mean though, as time passes and go through certain turmoil.
Im not fully detached yet, i still hold in to certain things, but i have recognition of that and just take my time to work through my motivations and then let go. Once you just accept the situation you are in, its so much easier to detach though. I dont know what lies ahead to be fair for me and H, but whatever it is, all the wile AP is on the scene im really not interested. I like myself too much

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I have a quick question and i wonder if anyone has any experience.

So H and i talk logistics over txt, convo is very open, freeflowing, recently we even exchanged pictures of kids whilst we were both out and about. I had s5 and he was with s7.
So we even occasionally talk on the phones and its so very amicable with an odd joke.
When it comes to face to face interaction, h doesnt look at me! Like literally most of the time its no eye contact, its like im invisible smile. I know its not strictly db, but i have forgiven him and all i have is a lot of kindness in my heart and my kids are my priority. Well i have personally experienced being in a room with my parents when they were clearly not getting along, and itís uncomfortable. I dont want my kids to feel that, but i seem to be hitting a brick wall with this. Im absolutely fine being with him in the same space, in fact i would offer him a cup of tea if we had something to discuss, i just dont get it. He left, he put all of is through emotional turmoil, you know he must be happy with his AP, year on they are still together. I jusy dont get why he cant act normal around me

Last edited by Gigi123; 03/17/21 09:57 PM.
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