Kids - We had a surprise party for son's (now S6) birthday the weekend before with my family. Drove him home from his Saturday activity with D2 and he walked in to everyone yelling "surprise!" and "happy birthday!" and he fell down to the floor in shock and then ran around the house yelling all excited. I got him a fishing pole (he loved doing it at a friend's lake house last Summer) in his favorite color, with the idea we'd go out together more this year when the weather gets better. I happened to have the kids for my "off-week dinner" on his birthday as well so I rented out a field in a local sports dome (he flipped out) with some friends and then took him out for dinner/ice cream. There was a moment while wrapping up the presents I felt a little down, thinking my W and I would usually be doing this, but overall was happy and excited for S6 and nailed his birthday.
Last Friday (completely unprompted) S6 says "Daddy, even on Mommy's weeks I'm with you." I had been with him basically all day Wed, Thurs, and Friday either though it's W's week. Didn't know exactly how to respond - trying not to say anything bad about W to him - so just replied "I'm so glad I do see you so much buddy; I love spending time with you". D2 also told my mom "I like mommy's house but I love daddy". No clue what they're saying when with W, and trying to be carefully not to be biased against her, but it did warm my heart a bit. Still crushing it with the kids.
GAL - Got out of town for the weekend at a lake with several couples who are close friends. I was the 9th wheel but it was a blast. I'm fortunate to have such great friends. Went out to relaxed, wineries, nice dinners...etc. They asked at times about me and the process, but tried not to focus too much on it. Also attempted another set up (3rd time now, different women), but told them I was focused on the kids and happy right now and wanted to wait until the D was finalized. Definitely enjoyed the weekend away. Hopefully we can plan more together.
Divorce - Received a proposal on asset division from W's L, met with my L, and we responded within the week. Some of the items were pretty reasonable, others we had to go back on. L made the comment I seem like a much different guy about it than 6 months ago. We'll see what their response is (might take awhile, seems like her L is slow), but sense it'll be wrapped up in the next month or two before our trial date. I still think it's going to be a weird/tough day when we actually sign the papers, but also kind of tired of the process and ready to be done with it.
Last edited by BL42; 03/16/2110:21 PM.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I am 2.5 years out from living with my ex wife. I've been happier divorced than I was for years being married.
How are my kids doing now? Honestly they are doing GREAT! Do they like going back and forth between houses? No. Do they like that their family traditions, like vacations together and restaurant meals as a family have been disrupted? No. But they do feel loved by both of us, they know that we are there for them, they have each other, and that is more than enough. Believe me it is.
Now to what you really want to know about. Dating. I am not going to lie it has it's ups and downs. I have had some really bizarre and bad first dates but the majority of them were good but the girl wasn't a match for me. I started dating one girl from another country and the border closed after we were getting to know one another so that became a major road block. So for about two and a half months I have been dating a girl 10 years younger then me. She is super sweet and we have a lot in common. She came to my work today to take me out to lunch. I would say she is the complete opposite of a WW. She's been single for 8 years and has really appreciates a good man when she meets one. I am taking it day by day and we will see where it goes.
So I was once where you were at and did not see where I could be happy without my intact family. I was never more wrong in my life. Divorces are hard because our identity becomes wrapped up in who we are as a person in the relationship. When that person is gone from our lives, we often feel like we don’t know who we are anymore, because so much of our life revolves around being in a relationship that no longer exists. It takes time to heal and rebuild your life to get back to a place where you love and enjoy your time being single and learning to have fun again. By knowing what you want and loving and valuing yourself, you can set and enforce healthy boundaries to make sure everyone in your life belongs there because they have PROVEN through their ACTIONS that they DESERVE the gift of your time. This ensures that you never settle for less than what you are capable of having and creating in your life, because those that are not a match simply get bounced out of your life permanently.
If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask.
I am 2.5 years out from living with my ex wife. I've been happier divorced than I was for years being married.
How are my kids doing now? Honestly they are doing GREAT! Do they like going back and forth between houses? No. Do they like that their family traditions, like vacations together and restaurant meals as a family have been disrupted? No. But they do feel loved by both of us, they know that we are there for them, they have each other, and that is more than enough. Believe me it is.
Now to what you really want to know about. Dating. I am not going to lie it has it's ups and downs. I have had some really bizarre and bad first dates but the majority of them were good but the girl wasn't a match for me. I started dating one girl from another country and the border closed after we were getting to know one another so that became a major road block. So for about two and a half months I have been dating a girl 10 years younger then me. She is super sweet and we have a lot in common. She came to my work today to take me out to lunch. I would say she is the complete opposite of a WW. She's been single for 8 years and has really appreciates a good man when she meets one. I am taking it day by day and we will see where it goes.
So I was once where you were at and did not see where I could be happy without my intact family. I was never more wrong in my life. Divorces are hard because our identity becomes wrapped up in who we are as a person in the relationship. When that person is gone from our lives, we often feel like we don’t know who we are anymore, because so much of our life revolves around being in a relationship that no longer exists. It takes time to heal and rebuild your life to get back to a place where you love and enjoy your time being single and learning to have fun again. By knowing what you want and loving and valuing yourself, you can set and enforce healthy boundaries to make sure everyone in your life belongs there because they have PROVEN through their ACTIONS that they DESERVE the gift of your time. This ensures that you never settle for less than what you are capable of having and creating in your life, because those that are not a match simply get bounced out of your life permanently.
If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask.
I could have wrote this. I'm 50. XW is 44. GF is 39, the complete opposite of XW, and shows appreciation for a good man. At least, for now. Daughters are 15 and 11. It's been a little over 2 1/2 years since I lived with XW.
Life is good. Is there a part of me that wishes I would have know what was going to happen and tried to do something about it? Maybe, but I don't give it much head space. I'm enjoying the new life that I'm leading.
I am 2.5 years out from living with my ex wife. I've been happier divorced than I was for years being married.
How are my kids doing now? Honestly they are doing GREAT! Do they like going back and forth between houses? No. Do they like that their family traditions, like vacations together and restaurant meals as a family have been disrupted? No. But they do feel loved by both of us, they know that we are there for them, they have each other, and that is more than enough. Believe me it is.
Now to what you really want to know about. Dating. I am not going to lie it has it's ups and downs. I have had some really bizarre and bad first dates but the majority of them were good but the girl wasn't a match for me. I started dating one girl from another country and the border closed after we were getting to know one another so that became a major road block. So for about two and a half months I have been dating a girl 10 years younger then me. She is super sweet and we have a lot in common. She came to my work today to take me out to lunch. I would say she is the complete opposite of a WW. She's been single for 8 years and has really appreciates a good man when she meets one. I am taking it day by day and we will see where it goes.
So I was once where you were at and did not see where I could be happy without my intact family. I was never more wrong in my life. Divorces are hard because our identity becomes wrapped up in who we are as a person in the relationship. When that person is gone from our lives, we often feel like we don’t know who we are anymore, because so much of our life revolves around being in a relationship that no longer exists. It takes time to heal and rebuild your life to get back to a place where you love and enjoy your time being single and learning to have fun again. By knowing what you want and loving and valuing yourself, you can set and enforce healthy boundaries to make sure everyone in your life belongs there because they have PROVEN through their ACTIONS that they DESERVE the gift of your time. This ensures that you never settle for less than what you are capable of having and creating in your life, because those that are not a match simply get bounced out of your life permanently.
If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask.
I could have wrote this. I'm 50. XW is 44. GF is 39, the complete opposite of XW, and shows appreciation for a good man. At least, for now. Daughters are 15 and 11. It's been a little over 2 1/2 years since I lived with XW.
Life is good. Is there a part of me that wishes I would have know what was going to happen and tried to do something about it? Maybe, but I don't give it much head space. I'm enjoying the new life that I'm leading.
H,
So a couples things H I totally get the “for now” comment. I realize in the beginning everyone is at their best. What I do know now is if I bring it and show up every day and it is not reciprocated then I can walk away with no regrets.
As for the “tried to do something” I’m 99% it was going to happen at some point. My exw is an attractive woman and was bound to get attention elsewhere at some point. She became addicted to the brain chemicals and such and doesn’t have the emotional maturity to understand what is really going on. She was miserable when she left and by all accounts miserable now. As the saying goes “not my circus not my monkeys”.
I do miss the family structure but I don’t miss my ex at all. It’s been about 4 years of doing things just the 3 of us and though I still have a blast there are times I feel like something is missing.
Not the life that I had planned but like Clint Eastwood said in Heart Break Ridge “ You improvise. You adapt and you overcome. That in a nutshell is what divorce life is all about.
I got pretty riled up tonight. When I pulled up to drop off the kids tonight OM2's truck was parked outside. This was the first time in awhile I've had to drop the kids off with him there. Rationally it's silly because I know he stays there will the kids, but it's not always in my face. I didn't make a scene or anything - it was a typical brief exchange - but was fuming a bit in the car and grocery store afterwards. Yes, it's out of my control so I'm supposed to get passed it, detach, not get worked up but I could feel the anger rising up in me and things churning inside. It's just not right the kids living with another man at this point and it also seems like a slap in the face to me.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Daughters are 15 and 11. It's been a little over 2 1/2 years since I lived with XW.