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A Message from Michele
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Re: The Adventures of GH31, Wife and Baby [Re: GH31] #2849043
05/13/19 03:26 PM
05/13/19 03:26 PM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,107
San Antonio, Texas
J
joejoe1 Offline
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joejoe1  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,107
San Antonio, Texas
GH31,

Thanks for taking time out to respond to my questions. I'm glad to see your W and you are still doing good. It's also, crazy how during that time frame some many things are fuzzy in their memory. I guess it explains how they are such a different person.

My wife and I have made some strides lately. We are still working hard to make our M work. I get deflated sometimes/somedays, but I work to keep and open mind and understand the bigger picture.

Joejoe01


M:36 W:36
T:11 M:10
S16, S12, S9, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Re: The Adventures of GH31, Wife and Baby [Re: joejoe1] #2914136
02/02/21 10:18 AM
02/02/21 10:18 AM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 681
Munich, Germany
G
GH31 Offline OP
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GH31  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 681
Munich, Germany
Still married,

Still together - for 21 years now,

The children are much bigger; they're 11, 10 and 3 years old now.

No idea how I survived or how our marriage survived in retrospect.


Me: 44
W: 44
T: 21
M: 19
DS11
DD10
DS3

W left: 01/28/08
Discovered OM: 02/26/08
W back for 9 days: 04/08
W returned 05/21/08
EA/PA - 01/08-07/09
W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
Re: The Adventures of GH31, Wife and Baby [Re: GH31] #2914725
02/09/21 02:52 PM
02/09/21 02:52 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,421
S
SteveLW Offline
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SteveLW  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,421
GH, thanks for the update. So you guys were in your early 30s when all this happened? And am I right to see that you guys R'd and started a family?

I love it, such a great success story. Would you agree that your marriage after R is so much stronger than it was before BD? I know I would say that about mine. But I have both experiences:

2005 BD: afterward did very little work, swept things under the rug, went back to the same dynamics after a little while. setting up:

2017 BD: dug in and did the work, made sure things were dealt with, refused to allow same dynamics to return, and feel that our MR is so much stronger today than it was pre 2017 BD.


M(51), W(52),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: The Adventures of GH31, Wife and Baby [Re: SteveLW] #2914844
02/11/21 08:02 AM
02/11/21 08:02 AM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 681
Munich, Germany
G
GH31 Offline OP
Member
GH31  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 681
Munich, Germany
Originally Posted by Steve85
GH, thanks for the update. So you guys were in your early 30s when all this happened? And am I right to see that you guys R'd and started a family?

Affirmative.

Originally Posted by Steve85
I love it, such a great success story.

I don't think of us as a success story, really. My 30s are my lost decade, it was about 8 years of absolute hell and I'll never get that time back.

We were completely broke and deeply in debt as a result of choices prior to and during this period.

But we worked around the clock and paid everything off.

Originally Posted by Steve85
Would you agree that your marriage after R is so much stronger than it was before BD?

Yes.

I've got Gottman's Seven Principles tatooed on my brain and live them every day. It's definitely stronger.

Originally Posted by Steve85
2017 BD: dug in and did the work, made sure things were dealt with, refused to allow same dynamics to return, and feel that our MR is so much stronger today than it was pre 2017 BD.

Yes. THIS.

There is no changing the trajectory of your marriage without doing the real work. On yourself.

In my case I went right back to the beginning, to my very first memories from when I was about 18 months old.


Me: 44
W: 44
T: 21
M: 19
DS11
DD10
DS3

W left: 01/28/08
Discovered OM: 02/26/08
W back for 9 days: 04/08
W returned 05/21/08
EA/PA - 01/08-07/09
W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
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Moderated by  Virginia 

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