I was busy yesterday and missed this--Happy Birthday! I'm glad you made yourself a nice meal. Not just a T-Bone steak, but a T-Bone steak with mushroom gravy. No just bread, but freshly-baked bread.
I wish I could place that book you're re-reading. Darn forum rules about naming things, lol. It sounds interesting.
Weeellll - it's a bit of a cheat. I bought frozen bread dough so all I have to do is take it out, thaw it for about a day in the fridge, let it rise for a couple of hours and bake. Easy peasy. And the loaves are fairly small so I can actually work my way through them. The last of it is planned to be french toast for my dinner tonight.
I think we're allowed to talk about books as long as they're not related to relationships. This one is called Nation by Terry Pratchett. And like the bread thing above, one of the recurring themes is that "it's all a trick" but it doesn't matter as long as you get the results. It's a compelling read by my absolute favourite author.
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Wasn't sure there was anything to add to the diary today but a few things of note.
I feel a bit bad for F at the flower shop. I get the feeling that she would "really" like me to ask her out - her boss was in the shop and made a point of leaving us alone together. She's going through a rough patch that a stable and reliable, financially responsible guy would certainly help smooth out. Especially one who knows a fair bit about horses (long story). I think she was a bit bit put off and disappointed on how happy I am to not have to be caring for anyone including cats. She's having problems with the neighborhood cats spraying the outside of the place she's living and making quite a stink. And is having to help out with her parent's farm and horses not to mention the uncertainty about finances etc. I believe she's just under 40 with an 8 year-old and not a really social person so if she is looking for a partner, she's right in the middle of what is perhaps the hardest demographic for a woman dating.
If she had gone out with me when I originally asked her about 4 years ago - the world would have undoubtedly been very very different for both of us - assuming it progressed. But when I see someone who could use rescuing my reaction now is very much less "I can help this person" to "uurrggh - I don't want to be bothered by that". She is kind, capable, creative not to mention pretty. Tall, blonde, piercing blue eyes, curves in the right places plus a few bonus ones. A hard worker who has a background in the trades who would actually be useful in fixing up and decorating this place. I'm sure her skills are well beyond mine - I've seen some of her work as her boss gets her to fix up things around the flower shop.
I believe she's expecting to be / has already been told that she's being laid off again. She did say that she won't be in the shop for the next 2 weekends and that she's expecting another lock-down here.
I hope that it's growth and not selfishness that makes me less interested in rescuing / helping people. Having been taken advantage of so completely the last time around by S has certainly burned those bridges for others I expect.
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Speaking of things that burned - I was talking to the lady who owns the house next door that burned. She was all flirty and giggly (at least in my imagination) - I've seen her profile on the dating sites and she certainly knows my relationship status. She's 64 and has gone through a significant number of former partners. The fact that her kids and now I am sure grandkids are all involved in illicit drugs I'm sure doesn't help. Anyhoooo - she's sold the house to a local contractor who she said will be fixing it up. So that's both good and not good. I'd hoped that it would be knocked down and the lot redeveloped. Permitting is undoubtedly easier for "repairs" though. Now that I can get some fresh air into the house there is still a prominent smoke smell from there even after 3 months.
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Work has started to make more sense but is still crazy. I went down to the plant on Friday afternoon to deal with an issue that had to be done in person. We've got a lot going on both with bringing some new equipment online and also with a special run for a particular customer going through the plant. I believe that eventually it will be me figuring these things out but for now I'm just a spectator. I think this was the first time my boss has seen me at the site since the first lock-down a year ago and when I sent an email saying that I was going to be switching my on-site day from Thursdays (which are crazy with truck and train scheduling) to Wednesday (when we mainly fill), he commented back on how he noticed how rigorous I was with mask wearing and social distancing and had no problems with me being on site. Most of the guys there aren't as compliant. I choose to not make a stink about it although as pseudo management (I wear a tie), a few of the guys have panicked and masked up when the see me round a corner. I think I'm more now "just one of the guys" though. Which is what I want. I have no direct responsibilities for people and frankly don't want any. I'm just the guy who does a lot of the paperwork and tries to make sure that everybody has what they need. I currently have a complicated important sounding title that reflects my seniority in my old role. There's been some talk about changing it but I think people don't want to offend me. I'm thinking that I'll suggest that the multi-word title complete with adjectives get replaced by the single word - planner.
I've worked the last 2 weekends rather to my annoyance. I'm going to have to put in a bunch of hours this weekend as well and already have done a bit. Mostly responding to emails acknowledging that I've seen the changes in what tanks we're going to be using and that I would take that into account as I plan out. I have a few things to take care of this weekend. We have some railcars being added to the fleet and I believe there's a bunch of them just over the planning horizon that will be showing up sometime next week and need to be dealt with. One of our biggest customers it turns out has lied to us about some business that they moved to another supplier that they claimed was lost to them which is making a bunch of us grumpy.
Laundry is in progress. I had a nice but excessively lengthy phone call from an old friend / colleague who was trying to get me involved in a project he doesn't have time for - and telling me about his upcoming first grandchild. The world keeps revolving. Wobbling at times when I let go of the crank. I'm not sure when my son will be stopping by for cake. I may text him that if he comes to dinner tomorrow night that I'll make scalloped potatoes. One of his favourite things that I make and he would also then get to help finish off the birthday cake. I did pick up some vitamin D3 (waves to kml) that I'll add to my daily regimen.
I am still feeling tired. Burned out, alone but paradoxically enjoying the quiet that I can find given the chaos of my job. S will hopefully be by within the next few weeks to get the last of her stuff. I disassembled the trampoline frame a couple of days ago so it's all ready to be loaded and trucked out. And I'll have a bit more elbow room.
Fascinating how I continue to change as time goes on and experiences accumulate.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Keep resisting that urge to rescue! It’s a fine impulse but it’s gotten you nothing but trouble. Plus imagine how good your life would be if you met a woman who actually had her act together and didn’t need fixing?
To meet a possible new cat. An older gentleman cat whose owner had to move in to assisted living.
I expect we'll get along just fine.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
From the description of the cat and the type of environment the cat needs....it would be a match made in heaven for the two of you. He is use to a quiet and a peaceful home without kids or other animals.
I feel bad for kitty because he's lost his home and his owner. He has such sad eyes, but he looks healthy otherwise. Praying that both of you find a good fit on this trip to visit w/him and you decide to adopt him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well - I have a new buddy that is currently hiding in a basket in the downstairs bath. A 9 year old neutered (and surprisingly de-clawed) male cat named Monty. Given that my grandchildren all have 4 legs and purr, he will perhaps become "Uncle Monty".
He was obviously a well loved pet and well cared for and came with a bag of food, a bed and a big sack full of toys. I went out yesterday and got a new litter box and cat carrier (S has both of mine - probably never see them again).
His litter box, food and bed are in that bathroom and I rarely use it so it can be his for now.
I was hesitant going up to meet him wondering if I was doing this out of duty or desire. Probably a mix of both after I asked to meet him. He's fairly chill. According to the shelter his only bad behaviour is that he will bit if aggressively cuddled.
I have a good feeling about this. A neutered, declawed middle aged male cat is probably a good fit - we match
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Still not sleeping well still. Mostly work stress I'm sure. It's getting worse in some ways and not better. One of our "very" small team announced today on a call that he's taking a leave of absence for a month starting tomorrow. Right before an audit that he's supposed to be running. I wake up at around 2:00 - check to see if there's anything from the plant - am restless for the next few hours - checking again at 3:00 to see how the rail movements went - back at 5:30 to see the tank levels and then "up" at 6:00 to be at my desk by 6:45. I've had at least a couple of small panic attacks which isn't good.
There's just more and more work coming down and less and less resources to do it. I can feel the cracks not just with me but with the other staff as well. I try to have a good sense of humour about it and while laughing loudly at some of the mistakes that are happening - it seems to help. Yesterday we had a shipment of containers sent to us that were carefully turned to conceal the "must be inspected" stickers - so we sent them back. Today there was a call from the plant where one of the operators was questioning a procedure and it turns out he had the wrong paper-work. No real harm done and this is a guy that "never" makes mistakes. He laughed along - admitted it was his screw-up and went and fixed it.
I've been making mistakes too and it really bothers me. Some are because I am untrained and working with inadequate information, some are because I'm rushing and not checking. The plant called and needed a decision about loading a trailer and I said to go ahead and then realized that we were probably short on product - but then found out that another load had been canceled and I didn't notice so it "did" all work out - but still - I count that as a mistake.
I've been noticing that I feel like I'm running a bit of a temperature lately. Undoubtedly related to my Shingles vaccine shot. But the 14 hour days certainly aren't helping. I have an hour or two to do tonight to get tomorrow's loads planned and then I hope to chill for a bit.
Good thing I'm not even attempting to date - there's no room for anything more right now. Once I get more of a handle on things it will get better. I need to create the systems and processes that work for me. Each mistake I treat as a learning experience but I hate making mistakes. I think it helps because I keep asking the others how they have managed to stay sane and keep at least the better part of their hair.
Still no clue when I'll be able to get back to any sort of social life. The latest news is that the new COVID variants are creating a third wave here and people are expecting some areas to go back into lock-down.
Well - this math won't do itself ... A railcar leaves Arkansas loaded with 197,000 lbs on a track going north-east ...
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Give Monty lots of space. He'll come around. Right now, he's scared and he doesn't know you. Thank you for adopting him. I truly think the two of you will get along quite nicely.
I do hope that work will slow down a bit for you. Sounds like there is a lot going on in your line of work.
Take care and be sure to check your closets, etc., before closing doors just in case Monty has snuck in while you aren't looking.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey Andrew, sorry to hear about the sleeping problems. It sounds like mistakes in your line of work are costly. Not as costly as an air traffic controller erroneously saying the runway is free, but still very costly. You have an impressive work ethic if you're up at 2:00, 3:00, and 5:30 double-checking things. Your boss made a choice to hire someone who is not a veteran at this, and a choice not to pay for a night shift, yes? I hope you can cut yourself a bit of slack and realize your best sounds like it's better than 95%+ of the non-veterans he could've chosen for this role. What I wouldn't give to have more people on my team (without doubling the pay) as driven to succeed as you are!
According to the shelter his only bad behaviour is that he will bite if aggressively cuddled.
I think I've mentioned before, dated a guy with a cat named, ironically, "Sweetie". She was fine if you pet her briefly one or twice. The third time she would bite the heck out of you. You just had to know her boundaries.
