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DnJ #2914038 02/01/21 07:21 AM
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DnJ, I didn't see what you wrote before to S and about being a man. Thank you for that! It would be awesome if he knew you, I wish he did. Right now he is not receptive to much so I don't think I could show him what you said as I did a couple years ago when it was very helpful to him for sure! But tonight, shortly after I wrote my worries about him in my thread, I fell asleep with my heating pad on my back and next thing I knew he had come in to see how I was and to tell me he loves me. He didn't mention cancer but asked questions about my back and if I should go to doctor, etc. A guy friend here (the one who was LBS to an MLCer) told me to give him as much space as possible and let him come to me -- I guess that was good advice!

And Andrew's post here on reading about leaders and his explanations of why these leaders were good men, etc., was just a little more icing on the manly cake. You guys are some amazing guys, I am not sure I know any like you but thinking about it now I realize one reason I find it so comforting and true and good -- my grandfather was like this. He worked with his hands, had a steel fabrication biz and built boats and marinas, built his own house and even the road to the house, etc., but in the evenings we'd sit in his library full of books upon books and he'd explain the world and history and all the great characters of history and lit and read poetry to me. I can still see the fire crackling in the beautiful fireplace, and the little flags along the beams of all the places in the world he had visited with my grandmother.

Last edited by Gerda; 02/01/21 07:26 AM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
DnJ #2914142 02/02/21 12:36 PM
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Good Morning

Thank you for the boost Can.

My current role at work is the leader of the work center. I do look at this next step up the rung with some trepidation. It removes me a bit from the very people I desire to lead. I think we become more manager less leader the further removed one becomes. My new direct reports would be the work center leaders; I suppose still me and my values just a different group.


Andrew, I loved the stowaway - ďTheyíd get more meat off you, sirĒ. Faith and loyalty in a leader is an excellent and empowering place to be within. Thank you for the book suggestions, I am going to look those up.


Gerda, son finding out about your past cancer is a lot to absorb for him. As bttrfly said, itís a lot to absorb for someone at 48, never mind 15. Give him and daughter time, they will be alright with it.

It was so nice to see S15 come into your room to check on you, and tell you he loves you.

Beautiful imagery of your grandfatherís library, among books and history, with a fire crackling, listening to his voice tell of wisdom.


Have a wonderful day everyone.

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D20

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2914295 02/03/21 07:53 PM
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DnJ, I wanted to say hello and thank you for still being around. I always wish I could give you some kind of nugget of advice that might make your day better, but when Iog in and start reading up on my friends here, I take away so much from your words I don't even know what to offer!

You are such an inspiration to all here. The life you live and share serves to lift up those around you, and I am certain you are that way in all aspects of your life as it shines bright for all to see. Since I don't have many words of wisdom to impart, I will say that I work in high level IT, am a great cook, read lots of books, and am a consumer of lots of pop culture (music, movies, plays, tv shows, etc). What are your weak spots in those areas? lol I need to give something back, hahaha

I hope you are doing well my friend.


Me: 43 yrs
W: 40 yrs
Together: 20 yrs
Married: 15 yrs
Son: 18 yrs
Daughter: 16 yrs
BD: Jan 2017
DnJ #2914455 02/05/21 12:22 PM
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Good Morning sjohns

Originally Posted by sjohns6
I always wish I could give you some kind of nugget of advice that might make your day better

Your friendship makes my days better and brighter. I was truly uplifted reading what you said. Thank you.

Iím not a great cook. Lol. My Mom, kids, and others all say my food is tasty. I make my gravies from a package; add to a cup of water, bring to a boil, let simmer for 3 minutes. Yummy. I can burn meat over a fire, or in a pan. smile I like my beef medium rare and usually get it just right. Pretty basic I figure.

I do like movies as well. Have you watched Arrival? Iíve floated this suggestion out here before and have never had any comments. I like the flick. Science fiction, and the heroine makes an awesome choice.

I am glad to know you Sam.

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D20

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2914468 02/05/21 02:27 PM
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You did inspire me to try hasselback potatoes. Very nice and come out nicely in the toaster oven. The only problem ingredient is patience laugh

Pancake Tuesday is coming up - did I ever share my pancake recipe with you?

Watched the trailer for Arrival - might be on my vacation watch list.

Last edited by AndrewP; 02/05/21 02:31 PM.

On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
DnJ #2914498 02/05/21 07:48 PM
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Yes, I liked Arrival! You might like the new Netflix movie The Midnight Sky.

DnJ #2914512 02/05/21 10:28 PM
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If you enjoy Arrival, check out Contact. Amazing sci-fi film from the 90s with Jodie Foster and Matthew McConaughey.


chumplady.com
DnJ #2914515 02/06/21 01:57 AM
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Yes. The Midnight Sky and Contact are excellent movies. I do love those types. As well as thriller, action, horror, comedy, drama, fantasy, lol. Ok, I love movies. Itís like food, there is very little I donít like.

Andrew, yes you did share your pancake recipe. Lonely girl pancakes, if my memory still serves. I could go back and find it among my, oh my goodness 20 threads! (I looked that up, not really keeping track. Anymore. Lol) However, I would appreciate you sharing it again.

You know, Iíve never gone back and read my threads, my story. Shrug. Maybe someday. I just appending on, kind of like life I suppose.

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D20

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2914518 02/06/21 03:43 AM
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Since Iím sitting here typing Iím going to share something weird with you all.

If youíll remember I was sick month ago. My sense of taste and smell was all messed up. Sugar lost the sweetness and became bitter. Smells became putrid. And food all tasted rancid and rotten. Blah. What a icky time that was.

Anyhow, over the past few months my geothermal furnace is making a weird smell. Like ammonia / bleach leaking. I thought it was the Freon leaking from the de-superheater, or perhaps the methyl hydrate loop leaking into the blower compartment. The smell would last a few minutes then go away. Iíve experienced this while sitting in the living room, laying in bed, at the kitchen table.

Iíve gone downstairs, even in the middle of the night, to investigate my furnace and find the source of this smell. However, all is good. No weird noises, and the smell doesnít strengthen or dilute with direct force air flow from a heater duct. Weird.

During Christmas with S20 visiting and our so many hours spent upon the couch talking and watching movies, one of these episodes happened. I asked him if smelled anything like ammonia or bleach. He sniffed a bunch and said no. He was sitting right beside me, and with me many months into this investigation and suspecting it was not the furnace and something else, I leaned over and had him sniff my shirt, hair, and such to see if it was me. I smelled it right then and there. S20 could not. My nose is inches from his nose. Hmmmmm.

This ammonia odour is pungent. That smell literal makes it difficult to breathe. I cannot feel it burning in my lungs, but it is ammonia is all itís breath-stealing glory. It lasts a few minutes and dissipates.

My investigation has yielded surprising, and good, results. Well good in that my geothermal furnace is probably not leaking. Iíve smelled this in my car, at work, at the store, and so on. Even outside walking to the grocery store with mask already on. It causes a sensation that takes ones breath. So, I willpower myself to breath normally, inhaling the imaginary ammonia-filled air until the sensation ceases. Weird huh?

The latest happening was yesterday at work. I put on my coat to go outside to the stores area to gather some information off some equipment that showed up. While walking down the hall, that smell started, and it continued out the door and for about a minute while walking to the equipment storage area.

I guess this is some leftover side-effect from my taste altering sickness. Itís pretty strange.

This highlights something very interesting, which of course Iíve preach a lot. We all define and create our realities. And what is reality? Where does it exist?

My reality exist in my head, just like anyoneís. This smell is absolutely real! I smell it. It steals my very breath. And is completely imaginary (I suspect smile ). No one else can sense it. But that doesnít mean itís not real - to me. As I said, weird.

So chalk it up to yet another of lifeís things I found acceptance too. Although, Iím not sure being unique is as cracked up as I had hoped. smile


Well, since Iím on a roll and feeling rather loquacious. For those of you struggling. Lost in the darkness. Making your way through the mire and bog that is the LBSí path. It gets much much better. For a time, longer than I wanted and shorter than it seemed, I didnít have joy. Happiness and joy does return. Mine returned like two years ago, and is still climbing.

I remember birds. I had forgot them, and when their songs returned it was so beautiful. Colour was also absent, more the emotions that colours elicit than the lost of registering wavelengths of light. I still saw, but didnít see.

I could not watch TV, nor listen to music for so long. Now, I again boogie and shake along to the music. I found myself moving to the beat while walking through the office. Haha. Fearless and inspiring. Folks seem to like a man who doesnít wear mask.

This week has been particularly encouraging. I am humbled and honoured with the posts regarding my story and my values. At work my applying for the vacant supervisor position has spread, like gossip does. So many people have encouraged and wished me well. They see no one as competition for me. Managers, supervisor, clerical, technicians, and so on, from all the departments. Itís a bit overwhelming the support and loyalty Iím experiencing.

For example, today a supervisor who Iíve known for around a decade asked if I had bid on the job. After confirming my bid and interest in it, he assured me Iíd be excellent at it, and my decades of consistent and ethical behaviour precede me.

In my actual job, it has been a very busy week. Lots of work going on. Plus an outage, and a switching error. Opportunities and needs for mentoring some of the staff in my charge.

Also planning and scheduling some annual testing of aerial devices. This directly affects about 90 people. The testing runs for two months and ties in with the maintenance and repair requirements of the vehicles. Itís a huge puzzle to arrange. I do love the logistics of it. In a day and half Iíve got the schedule done, the emails all sent, and already received some confirmations of appointment dates and times. It is interesting to see who is first and who delays; it directly correlates to how good our relationship is.


Some thoughts:

Imagine being able to see the future as well and clear as you can see the past. It brings the question of would you change anything? To answer that, we know our past. If you could go back in time, knowing everything you know, would you live your life again?

For me, yes. My life with J was awesome. Sure it ended in a disaster of adultery, deceit, and abandonment. Still, I would do it again. It was 25 really good married years and 29 really good being together. The one before BD, not so much.

If you knew and could see your future would you live it? Would you love it?

I find my answer exists in my present. Obviously my future will be revealed as it unfolds. My only gauge becomes how I live this moment right now. My present life is my unfolding future. When something happens all one can hang on to is how theyíve lived. Live in the light. Be sincere and kind.

If you knew and could see your future would you live it? Would you love it? If not, alter your present and make it better. Create and strengthen your beliefs and live them.

I know at times the present looks horrible, bitter, and bad. Remember, the ammonia smell is real, and itís not. Keep breathing and let it dissipate. Have faith, the birds do sing again, and the sky is the most incredible shade of blue on a sunny day with the warmth of the sun kissing your face as you look upward.


Have faith. Let go you fears. Find forgiveness.

I live happy, content, authentic, and not ruled by fear. And it allows me to express how much I truly love my friends here.

Love
DnJ


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D20

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2914523 02/06/21 07:30 AM
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Most likely you had Covid, DNJ. When the sense of smell starts to come back, many patients go through a stage of phantom smells, as in things that normally smell good smelling putrid, or smelling cigarette smoke when there is none. Itís because youíre picking up only some isolated notes of the smell. Some complain of food smelling of rotten meat etc. One woman wore a clothespin on her nose when eating because everything smelled so bad.

There are a couple of pre-Covid studies on using theophylline to treat anosmia. I have a compounding pharmacy that makes low dose capsules to be mixed with sterile saline and used as a nasal spray. Oral theophylline can also be used but it has caffeine-like side effects (I speak from experience as I was treated for preterm labor with it).

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