I'm sorry you feel picked on, that's not what our goal is.
For me, I'm confused as to what you are looking for here. This board is about growth and self development so that once we heal, we will be much better suited for a successful relationship with or without our ex.
When I read your posts, it comes across as you not wanting to self improve, but rather asking for dating advice.
I don't think anyone here can help with dating advice because broken attracts broken and you've admitted several times that you are broken. Are you asking for advice on how to make a broken relationship work with another broken person?
IRONICALLY... I like going out and having conversation over a meal (THE VERY THING pilot said I sucked at). I enjoy learning about new things and people. I actually have a good time and most of the men would also say the enjoyed meeting me and having a nice evening out. We are all starved for connection with COVID.
Ironically, you can do that with another lady! I too enjoy going out and having conversation over a meal. And I do it quite often. Sometimes with my wife. Sometimes with friends as a couple. Sometimes with one of my buddies. Sometimes with a couple of buddies. I get it, that is a social outlet that even introverts can sometimes enjoy! (I am an ambivert by the way.)
I know, you will give me reasons and excuses why that isn't the same. However, if just the need to go out and have conversation over a meal and learning new things and people was justification, then there would be nothing wrong with dating while you are married. I think you can see the difference.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
IRONICALLY... I like going out and having conversation over a meal (THE VERY THING pilot said I sucked at). I enjoy learning about new things and people. I actually have a good time and most of the men would also say the enjoyed meeting me and having a nice evening out. We are all starved for connection with COVID.
Ironically, you can do that with another lady! I too enjoy going out and having conversation over a meal. And I do it quite often. Sometimes with my wife. Sometimes with friends as a couple. Sometimes with one of my buddies. Sometimes with a couple of buddies. I get it, that is a social outlet that even introverts can sometimes enjoy! (I am an ambivert by the way.)
I know, you will give me reasons and excuses why that isn't the same. However, if just the need to go out and have conversation over a meal and learning new things and people was justification, then there would be nothing wrong with dating while you are married. I think you can see the difference.
I have nearly NO woman friends in my immediate area. I have more male friends. For some reason its easier to find men to go out with than woman... I'm not trying to make an excuse. Its just how it is.
I've experimented and the best way to meet new people and get out was a dating app of all things... I do not live in a big city and things to do are extremely limited.
I'm getting out there GAL and doing what I need to do but I get it my methods are a little unorthodox but I'm trying.
I'm sorry you feel picked on, that's not what our goal is.
For me, I'm confused as to what you are looking for here. This board is about growth and self development so that once we heal, we will be much better suited for a successful relationship with or without our ex.
When I read your posts, it comes across as you not wanting to self improve, but rather asking for dating advice.
I don't think anyone here can help with dating advice because broken attracts broken and you've admitted several times that you are broken. Are you asking for advice on how to make a broken relationship work with another broken person?
I'm confused...
I'm working very hard at self improvement. I get it my progress is not maybe as fast as it should be and its been a painful journey and some days I just go home and shut the door and go to bed to raw to do any work but also not wanting to make any mistakes and creating a set back.
Other days I'm full on doing the work.
I'm not asking for dating advice.
I got in over my head pretty quickly when I was not quite ready ... I was ready to date but not be exclusive because I realize I'm still in the process of being D but then found someone I liked a whole darn lot and that hasn't happened in a really long time.
It is what it is.
I'm just trying to honest and real with where I am. I know I struggle more than most.
I regret the mistakes I made in my M. Its not all my fault for sure but there were a couple of behaviors that I did that I was not very proud of.
There was something that we argued about... mostly when my H was feeling upset or controlled and I realize that if I had understood my WHY better I might have done a better job of getting him to understand that I was really just had a lot of fear... a terrible fear (financial insecurity) drove my behavior where he felt controlled.
For those of you who feel I've not been doing the work --- well I have. I have a better understanding of what drove some of my behaviors that STBXH was resistant with. Knowing where it came from I probably could have spoken with him better and he might have understood and been more understanding himself. Sometimes I wish I didn't do the work and maybe things would just be less painful -- its not easy seeing and working through your own short comings.
I am NOT excusing the behavior I suffered at the hands of my H... that is his crap to work through.
I regret not being more ready to date when I started.... I blew a good thing by not being ready and it is what it is.
KC, you need a vacation from all of this. Can you take a couple of weeks break from the dating and tell your ex that you're busy and block his number for a while too? And just practice self-care and schedule zoom calls with your female friends from out of your area? Nearly zero female friends means you must have at least one, right? Call her up and meet for drinks or dinner or a walk. Doesn't it seem so much more relaxing and inviting to spend time with someone you already know and who cares about you? Even if it is virtual?
I'd be exhausted too with all the dating and the random texts from my abusive ex pretending to be friends. It is a lot. Especially for an introvert. Give yourself a break. You deserve it.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
In your case, the work you need to do is to understand why you stayed in an abusive relationship and how to fix your picker so it doesn’t happen again. Continuing to parse your abusive marriage is only useful in this context.
KC, you need a vacation from all of this. Can you take a couple of weeks break from the dating and tell your ex that you're busy and block his number for a while too? And just practice self-care and schedule zoom calls with your female friends from out of your area? Nearly zero female friends means you must have at least one, right? Call her up and meet for drinks or dinner or a walk. Doesn't it seem so much more relaxing and inviting to spend time with someone you already know and who cares about you? Even if it is virtual?
I'd be exhausted too with all the dating and the random texts from my abusive ex pretending to be friends. It is a lot. Especially for an introvert. Give yourself a break. You deserve it.
My female bff lives 4hr away and is very immunocompromised so in the era of COVID... UGH.
I have booked a Condo 6hr north of me at a ski resort - I don't ski... but I'm looking forward to snow shoe and cross country skiing for the first time. My female bff may join me but COVID is a very scary thing for her.
So I live alone... I will book a condo for a week... I will be alone. Not sure what it means if I'm alone here or there. But, I'm doing my very best to GAL and have been.
My female bff lives 4hr away and is very immunocompromised so in the era of COVID... UGH.
I have booked a Condo 6hr north of me at a ski resort - I don't ski... but I'm looking forward to snow shoe and cross country skiing for the first time. My female bff may join me but COVID is a very scary thing for her.
So I live alone... I will book a condo for a week... I will be alone. Not sure what it means if I'm alone here or there. But, I'm doing my very best to GAL and have been.
That sounds fun!
What about scheduling regular calls with your friend, or Zoom cocktail evenings with her? If you haven't tried it, don't knock it. Can be a lot of fun. There are also virtual escape rooms you can do with friends remotely, that could be another fun way to connect with someone who can't go out because of COVID.
What are other ways to GAL for you without leaving your house? I've been eyeing MasterClass-- I paid for CorePower Yoga on demand and love those classes too. They have short meditations as well, or a meditation app like Calm also has a bunch of guided meditation programs you might find helpful around emotions, personal growth, and relationships. Learn to play an instrument (ukulele is easy and fun, lots of free YouTube videos), get into a new TV series or book series... I know you knit but wouldn't it be fun to try something totally different? Any projects around the house been bugging you? Repaint your bedroom and make it an oasis of calm. Adopt a new puppy or a kitten or two. I'd love to hear some things you can plan for the times you're at home. GALing doesn't need to be out of the house and it doesn't need to involve anyone else.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
