Did you really like pilot that much after 6 dates? Or is there some underlying reason that needs your attention as to why you so quickly became attached?
I've certainly tried journalling and to figure that out.
You want my frank honesty??? I wish I had dated a bunch of other guys THEN this guy. I think I would have had my crap together better by then. Instead I met him first... then dated a bunch of other guys.
If someone takes the time to message me on a dating site - the politeness in me I always respond. Its not easy to put yourself out there and I get that. I've had 2 guys really pursue me for a date and I relented despite I wasn't sure they were a good match for me.
Guy 1 showed up in a t-shirt, ball cap and hoddie over the ball cap to a nice resturant. Did not remove the hoodie or the ball cap until half way through dinner... YIKES. The other guy again took me to a very nice resturant and kept his ballcap on the entire time... I've tried to allot for nervousness but I spent years being taught you take your hats off inside and raised my kids that way.
I've gone out with guys who did not walk me to my car - in a dark parking lot.
Sadly pilot did all the right things - always kind, polite, walked me to my car even when I was leaving his house he still walked me out to my car. No, he was not perfect - he clearly cut me loose LOL. But, I took this for granted since I was just get out dating again. This is how my STBXH was when we dated... I just assumed all guys were like this... NOPE. I wish I had taken the time to say "I appreciated you did X... "
Live and learn I guess.
There are hundreds of profiles on a dating site.... This guy set the bar pretty high. But, if he had felt the same about me he would not have moved on.
Adventures in dating.... not so much fun.
So......your answer to "you shouldn't be dating" is that you should be dating more! ROFL
Sometimes I feel like you are punking us KC.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
KK, in the past month you have opened up about this historic abuse... then you mention the word recon..
I have nothing to do with my ex - I block her on everything except email. We ONLY communicate by email.
My ex didnt abuse me the way you say your husband did - yet you allow picture exchanges ? WTF ?
This is where you will say its all about the puppy ?
IMO, the above shows you are still hung up on the ex..
It is also a perfect example of why you should not be dating !
If you wanted to move on, you would - you would take that step... you chose not to... Kind of like Curtis and his WWs horse situation.. a reason to keep contact.
I raised this puppy for the first 7mo of his life. I did the hard work as that puppy was a turd to housebreak... STBXH got to walk off with a trained puppy... LOL.
So I'm super attached the puppy.
Weird as it is... I still think about pilots dogs... one was not doing well. Maybe that's why I'm a vet? I focus on the critters more???
Either way I 100% realized that I created my own pain by showing up and being on call for puppy. It led to conversations and chatting and lunch. A good deal of lunch was focused on the kids. Granted we don't "share" kids but we raised these kids as our own for 10yr.
I'm working through that 75% of the time my STBXH was an amazing guy. He had his incredible moments and 25% of the time anger, meaness, flat out cruelness and abuse came out. He never came out and apologized but looking back he tried through actions but nothing would change long term and it was always he was stressed out and sleep deprived. And, before you judge... he was most of the time sleep deprived. 12-14hr days 7 days a week.
I saw the "good" man during the times with the puppy and at lunch. Its the "good" man I miss. The screaming and yelling and physical and emotional abuse was devestating... but as they say "hurt people hurt people". Maybe I'm too forgiving... IDK.
I don't know why he randomly sends pics. I don't ask. They are only of the forge and his knives that he is making - a new hobby.
He isn't asking the save the M. He has moved on and I need to as well... I'm in my own way of that happening.
It is like a bandaid....you rip it off.
Next time he texts you because THE DOG licked a sore spot in his hide, your response. "I think it would be best from this point forward for you to find veterinary care elsewhere, and closer to your house."
THEN BLOCK HIS NUMBER.
You control you. Even if you insist that you don't.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I am not saying you need to heal on my timeline or anyone else’s. Adam speaks to what I am saying. You keep saying you are aware of your issues. But you are doing anything productive to fix them, it’s like you are going 90mph even though you know the car had no brakes. What are you doing to move forward rather than remain stagnant . Because you obsessing and justifying is keeping you awfully stuck. We all just really want you to move forward and not stay right where you are, which is a place of thoughts and habits which keep you from moving forward
"That's just the way I am."
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I have seen you say this too. Maybe it just KC's stubborn right-fighting, but Mr. B types out a very thoughtful response and KC responds by saying the problem was not more, but less dating..............
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Well I've done quite a lot to move forward and I have good days and bad.... you see the bad...
As for the dog - sorry its not easy to turn my back on the puppy I raised and the puppy I'm bonded to. My entire office swooned over this dog the 4 days he was here.
I get it - its just a dog. But, lets say for a moment it's your 4yr old child "sorry, from this point forward its time for you to have another woman care for our child that's closet to your home". WTF...
I have admitted to my mistakes in recently being there "on call" for this puppy during his emergency health crisis and how it did set me back and that was 100% my own fault. I'm not blaming anyone here on this board that I picked at my own scab. I see how my emotions are still at risk when dealing with STBXH and puppy. But, puppy is my number one and I will have to figure out how not to get drawn back in and set back.
As for dating - I was giving an honest montage about my experience and I'm made fun of??? Really??? I'm just telling my experience as it is. I hear that I should not be dating... I'm starting to see that... I have a terrible time cancelling plans with anyone BUT, I stood up for myself and told the guy I'm staying home on Sunday. Then today another guy texts to inform me we have dinner reservations for X on Saturday... WTH... I never agreed to go out with him again.
I'm making some good new friends in the real world as best as possible given COVID.
This is my journey and completely imperfect for sure. I'm doing a lot of self work. I have a support group... again which is hard because I've gotten hit on in this support group... UGH... but I'm there doing the work.
You all are just getting a real honest version of a person who admits who she is and where she is at and loves herself inspite of imperfections, flaws and falling down... I get back up everyday.
I am sorry you feel I was making fun of you. I wasn't. I did find it funny that you responded to Mr B. insisting you shouldn't be dating with the comment about dating more. -shrug-
What I was doing was trying to see how you make excuses for yourself. Acknowledge you have a fault, excuse it, then shrug your shoulders and say "oh well". I think you would benefit greatly from IC, but that is just me beating my head against the wall so I'll leave it there.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I am sorry you feel I was making fun of you. I wasn't. I did find it funny that you responded to Mr B. insisting you shouldn't be dating with the comment about dating more. -shrug-
What I was doing was trying to see how you make excuses for yourself. Acknowledge you have a fault, excuse it, then shrug your shoulders and say "oh well". I think you would benefit greatly from IC, but that is just me beating my head against the wall so I'll leave it there.
I recognize EVERYONE's opinion about me not dating... and I'm working through that. What am I dating for? What am I seeking? What does this do for me?
I was just explaining my actual experience in dating... and why is that I'm stuck on one particular person...
IRONICALLY... I like going out and having conversation over a meal (THE VERY THING pilot said I sucked at). I enjoy learning about new things and people. I actually have a good time and most of the men would also say the enjoyed meeting me and having a nice evening out. We are all starved for connection with COVID.
I am probably among the most honest on here in listing my journey and what really happens in ones mind. Its a unique time in my life... becoming an empty nester, H walks out and COVID. Those are major life changes and I got all 3 at the same time. I'm trying to not become the lady who sits at home and talks to herself non-stop.
Again. I'm active in a support group. I've been researching a life coach.
Sometimes I'm just here because the day is rough and I just need an outlet. If you go back and read I initiated with I'm not wanting to be judged.
Not every day is bad. Sometimes though I go to bed at 9pm because I've got nothing going on and I just want to get through a day without making a mistake or a mistep.
I know I've got anxious attachment and that takes time to work through. You just don't get to wake up one day and say ... nope not anxious anymore... Its a process.
Overall I'm just tired and still filled with LOTS of regret... space and time are the only things that fix those.
