I would like for you to try linking next time. I will link your threads this time for you. If your previous thread is not locked, you can link up both of them using the same methods.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hello, I just had a convo with STBXW. Man, it made me sad because I feel the the destruction of the marriage was soemthing that could have bee avoided. I know the resentment built up, but my anger and grumpiness were not the answer. I always felt that if you provide and dont cheat that your marriage is good. She actually said we were both poor commincatprs and she held evrythinh inside.
One poster said that your marriage i like the toy on the shelf you dont play with, but its your favorite toy whe someone takes it way.
She said one year ago she was not thinking about divorce, I dont know when OM came around.
I dont why I am posting this but I feel like if I was less of a jerk it could have gone the other way. It was just too little too late.
Uuuummmm Nick do you not remember your Ws diary. This is who she is and has always been. You are probably lucky you got 27 years out of her. Highly likely you could have did anything to change the outcome.
Lesson learned. Be a better communicator and less of a jerk.
Destruction of a marriage is usually a two person deal. It is great you got an insight into yourself and your inner [censored]. Now you can learn from it and grow and believe me, there is an awful lot of room to grow...
Just got out of another convo about D18 who has been shirking her duties.
W: D18 only got motivated to do her practive driving when we said we wouldnt let her drive to school in the fall
Nick:You mean when we said she had to do X amount of hours before she was ready and you took her for her license without me knowing.
W; I did not give her the license the state of XXX gave her the license
Nick: I only found out she had a license because D21 sniitched and was worried D18 was unsafe.
W:Whats the difference, you would have found out eventually.
Nick: Well the difference is I had to go into work late everday for a month so I could ride to School in the morning because there was no doubt in my mind that D18 would be in an accident. (I didnt add, while you slept in because the wole push to get the license was so W ould not have to get up to take her to the bus stop)
Just got out of another convo about D18 who has been shirking her duties.
W: D18 only got motivated to do her practive driving when we said we wouldnt let her drive to school in the fall
Nick:You mean when we said she had to do X amount of hours before she was ready and you took her for her license without me knowing.
W; I did not give her the license the state of XXX gave her the license
Nick: I only found out she had a license because D21 sniitched and was worried D18 was unsafe.
W:Whats the difference, you would have found out eventually.
Nick: Well the difference is I had to go into work late everday for a month so I could ride to School in the morning because there was no doubt in my mind that D18 would be in an accident. (I didnt add, while you slept in because the wole push to get the license was so W ould not have to get up to take her to the bus stop)
Nick, what was the end goal of this discussion? It appears that you are chastising her for a decision that had already been made.
This is how it should have gone:
W: D18 only got motivated to do her practive driving when we said we wouldnt let her drive to school in the fall
H: In the future, parenting decisions like D18 getting a license should be a mutual decision.
Notice, this changes the frame of the discussion to future decisions. Belittling her a bad decision that is already made accomplishes nothing.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yeah, I remember the diary. Only i didnt see that behavior for 27 years. I saw inability to apologize, and some petty deceptions, lack of responsibility. I said she is having a midlife crises but maybe the resentment just peaked and she's moving on. That's a tougher pill to swallow.
