Made fried rice for the first time and watched Mad Max. I was surprised she enjoyed the movie and the fried rice came out great.
Sounds like a wonderful GAL activity, and I approve of your taste in films.
Originally Posted by NickWing
She comes back Monday and says I hired a mediator, based on a friend recommendation. Shows me the retainer agreement. I’m like no, you hired a lawyer. So, dude, that’s when my lawyer shows up.
I love this. You refuse to be pushed around.
Originally Posted by NickWing
Honestly, how anybody can watch their wife stink eye them as they go out the door to see OM and not want a D? I am still amazed how i went in four months from having complete faith and trust in stbxw for the last 27 years to have someone I dont trust at all. 27 years is more than half of her life, and I had no clue to her complete lack of character. I wonder who is the real her?
That's an insane length of time to know someone and then be completely shocked by their behavior. Who was she? Who is she? What happened to her? All normal questions to ask. Of course, the most important question is, who will NickWing be free of the bonds of this crazy lady? Mad Max and fried rice with D!
CW, I really believe she wanted to hire a mediator. She's done stuff like this before and then I have to come in and unravel everything. I really dont mind that she got the ball rolling, clearly she has an agenda and wants to get this done, but this step may have prolonged things. We had agreed to use a mediator because we really have no disagreements and wanted an uncontested divorce. We just need a settlement agreement.
As for my stbxw dishonesty, there was always little stuff like did you eat the last cookie,no; little things like that. But nothing that I thought she would blow up our whole family over.
As for Mad Max, there is an extended version on Netflix. With the subtitles, you pick up a lot of things that I missed the other 20 times I watched the movie.
Thanks for chiming in on my thread. I just read through your sitch.
It must be difficult having been with your wife for 27 years to all of a sudden break apart. At times I feel fortunate reading this forum having "only" been married 7 / together 9, as it's not nearly the time / emotional investment that many others here have. Though, it's also a double-edged sword in that we have two young children and will have to deal with each other on a regular basis for two more decades. I hope with your daughters being in college it'll help you detach and move on.
Good luck with the financial settlement negotiations.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Ok, my best friend (BF), who I hadn’t spoken to in 8 months texts me for my birthday. Well, I hadn’t told him about my sitch so I called him. About 8 years ago he had a WW with an affair with his physical therapist. Bf got her a job at the PT office because she was going to go into the field.
Turns out he had a terrible motorcycle accident which crushed his leg. Laid up six months and they still might have to amputate. Lost his job as a airline pilot. Guess who is helping him at home? XW. She fell on some hard times after he literally threw her clothes onto the front yard. She was thick into affair fog and confessed, but she could not give up Om. However, when Bf reported PT to state licensing, PT kicked her to the curb. They are not reconciling as Xw still shows no remorse, but my BF says a lot of his bitterness towards her has gone.
Bf told me that the strength he has to deal with his current sitch comes from dealing with his divorce. He assures me l will come out a better man but it will be painful. He called it the tunnel of 1000 knives. Says he is happy being alone now.
He also said that WW live in a fantasyland and their plans never come true because it’s based on emotion and not facts. Also said that my pain right now is because I am trying to solve an unsolvable equation, why this happened. And because we keep trying to solve it creates a big black dot on our soul, but as times goes by, we lessen the time trying to solve it and the black dot shrinks, but it never goes away completely.
Oh, and since I am on holiday stbxw called me on Valentine’s Day because our refrigerator broke and she can’t get it fixed herself, because, you know, I have to do everything. So I talked to her a couple minutes and at the the end of the call she told me Happy birthday, which I guess was nice. It made me remember all the great stuff she did for me on Valentine’s Day, and it made me kinda sad.
Ironically, our wives were the best looking women at our 20 year HS reunion, but look we are now.
Oh, and since I am on holiday stbxw called me on Valentine’s Day because our refrigerator broke and she can’t get it fixed herself, because, you know, I have to do everything. So I talked to her a couple minutes and at the the end of the call she told me Happy birthday, which I guess was nice. It made me remember all the great stuff she did for me on Valentine’s Day, and it made me kinda sad.
Did you fix her frig?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Best friend (BF) and I were comparing notes and he said going thru the D process, his Xw was hyper focused, very organized and agenda driven, like my stbxw. His theory was that since the wives ceded so much authority during the M, t hat now they were going to be in control and make the monkeys dance.
No. A new one is needed, and she told me what the options were, and I said Ok, you should probably do what you think is best. Idk if she bought one or not and don’t care.
Turns out he had a terrible motorcycle accident which crushed his leg. Laid up six months and they still might have to amputate. Lost his job as a airline pilot.
I really feel for the guy, that sounds awful and is a terribly tough burden that he'll most likely be dealing with for the rest of his life. I love riding, started about 10 years ago, but there is a saying that there are two types of riders; ones who have had an accident and ones who will have an accident. One of my BFs had one and was so lucky that he had no lasting damage, but he never wanted to ride again. The guy in the hospital bed opposite him lost a leg.
Originally Posted by NickWing
Also said that my pain right now is because I am trying to solve an unsolvable equation, why this happened. And because we keep trying to solve it creates a big black dot on our soul, but as times goes by, we lessen the time trying to solve it and the black dot shrinks, but it never goes away completely.
NickW, you say the above, and then this....
Originally Posted by NickWing
Best friend (BF) and I were comparing notes and he said going thru the D process, his Xw was hyper focused, very organized and agenda driven, like my stbxw. His theory was that since the wives ceded so much authority during the M, t hat now they were going to be in control and make the monkeys dance.
Stop trying to solve it!
Me: 41 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 6
"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
Journaling/Venting. Ok, so now it is Sunday night, about 630. Stbxw has had zero interaction with D18 yesterday and today. Saturday stbxw was gone the whole day and night, I was asleep when she got here, and today the same. Stbxw just texts D18 and says she won’t be home for dinner. I ask D18 if she knows where her mother is and she doesn’t. Idc where she is, but her daughter should know.
I came home 3 am Saturday morning from two weeks away, and the WiFi was down. Later, before she goes out, I ask stbxw about it, it’s been down for days, but she never called to have it fixed. D18 has been doing remote school over cell.
It is so incredibly frustrating to try to co parent when the other parent has checked out. I got more accomplished for D18s future when I was away than stbxw did when she was here working only 3.5 days a week. I’m asking L if I should file taxes separately because I know her start up business is a mess. Stbxw still does not have an accountant and has not made any estimated tax payments.
My mind is still adjusting to the fact that the person who loved me for years is now cruel and neglectful of her daughters.I was better at detaching when I was away, but stbxw still looks the same, but could not be a more different person. If I was not experiencing this I would not believe it.
