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#2913185 01/22/21 12:44 AM
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Part 4. yay...

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
$400 an hour? Good lord! That’s insane.

At that rate they better guarantee total enlightenment after 1 session.

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Hi Mumin, consider virtual sessions. It's $260/mo for unlimited therapy and often it's discounted to $200. Unlimited's nice when you're in the thick of things. The therapist I had there was quite good and charged more than that per-hour if you visited her office. I get Zoom sessions, audio files, texts, and e-mails aren't to everyone's tastes. Now that I go less often I prefer a local therapist who charges less.



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Yeah he is a bit of a hot shot. My job enlisted him for personal development or when someone is in crisis.
Typically we get 3-5 sessions and then you pay out of own pocket. I saw him a lot more than that the past year and never payed.
After D it’s not the same setup.
Healthcare/insurance won’t cover here, basically unless I am incapable of work.

I will check his online prices though. May be a lot cheaper.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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So we've finally settled into a routine - it helps to have a week without a family member contemplating suicide and/or breaking bones and going to the ER. She was at the studio last week and I had the kids at the house, today we switch. I've been keeping things "aloof but available" and to be fair, work was sh!t last week so I didn't have much energy to think about other things as I usually would. I also heard that one of my best friends dad passed away. We grew up on the same street and have known each other all our lives, families used to do things together, 47 years of b-day parties, graduations, BBQs, weddings, births, etc. so it was a blow. Much more than I had imagined it would be. My friend went thru a similar situation as me, his wife left him for a co-worker about a year ago, so we've been helping each other out lately.

In talking to my IC I told her how much I just wanted to run. Not to anywhere specific, but just get in the car and run. Sometime between being a single parent, work, this whole separation, people dying, and everything else it just makes you want to tap out and bail. I won't. I know that. But it sounds nice. Buy a 1-way ticket to Manzanita, MX and live on a beach. lol. Anyway - pity party and MLC over.

I've also been reading back through my posts since joining and wanted to thank all of you who have taken the time to chime in and offer help. I deeply appreciate it - no matter how this works out you've helped me handle it better and be a better person in the end. So thank you.

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SD sorry to hear about your friends dad.

So what do you see is the end game?


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�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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Originally Posted by LH19
So what do you see is the end game?

Depends on the day and the mood to be honest. Lately I've been looking at houses/rentals in the area to get an idea of what's out there and doable. I'm throwing away/donating stuff I don't need or want. Researching options. It wasn't a conscious decision either, just found myself doing it. I find myself looking at fixer-uppers and getting excited about buying them and working on them how I'd like to with full autonomy. Of course that isn't happening soon, but it is obviously pulling at me. I also wonder if that is just a grass-is-greener fantasy that assumes all my troubles will be gone.

I know I won't move forward with a D until I can say I KNOW it is the right thing to do, and I still can't say that I know it for sure, but the thought has gone from making me queasy to making me a bit excited. In the meantime I gotta figure out what my future looks like otherwise. I have a job that pays me well and has good security that is draining my soul. First world problem, I know, especially in the time of Covid. But it's bleeding over into other aspects of my life and I think it is a big part of me GAL that will impact my overall happiness. Beyond that it's putting more and more into me. I'm contemplating extending Dry January into February (at least until Valentine's, I got no plans on being sober on the 14th), joining a rock climbing gym that is opening in town, and continuing my other activities.

I see it as setting my sights on a journey of being a better me and I'm gearing up for the trip.

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Hey Salty,

I'm sorry for about your friend's dad. Losing someone during this already trying time seems to hit harder.

You sound like you are moving in the right direction. Yes, set your sights on your journey! That is exciting. I don't think it's "grass is greener" - I think it's facing the reality. I think not moving to D until you know it's the right thing to do is wise.

FWP's are still challenging. I'm confident that you will make a good decision for you.

Maybe extending the "dry months" would give you confidence? You don't need booze to feel good. You don't need it to have fun. (Full disclosure - I fasted from alcohol for 3 years. It was a blessing to me.) It's nice to know I can take it or leave it. I needed to grow in my own self-confidence and that was something I could control. Not for everyone.

Stay strong and thanks for sharing your ups and downs. You never know who is going through it or will go through it later and these stories help! I read the boards for many months before I posted anything.


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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Originally Posted by 97Hope
You sound like you are moving in the right direction. Yes, set your sights on your journey! That is exciting. I don't think it's "grass is greener" - I think it's facing the reality.
At the very least it makes you realize there is a future beyond all this and it could very likely even be better than what you had once you make it through all the sh!t.
Originally Posted by 97Hope
Maybe extending the "dry months" would give you confidence? You don't need booze to feel good. You don't need it to have fun. (Full disclosure - I fasted from alcohol for 3 years. It was a blessing to me.) It's nice to know I can take it or leave it. I needed to grow in my own self-confidence and that was something I could control. Not for everyone.
I am toying with the idea of extending it. I joke about not being sober on Valentine's but I as I say it I cringe at the thought - I'd be miserable. This month has been one of the best months I've had in terms of getting my sh!t together and I think a lot of that is not drinking. I've lost 15lbs so far and that drinking/bloated face is going away. I wake up early and without a headache. I remember what I did the night before instead of waking up after a bender and worrying about what I did or said. So yeah, keeping this going is a good thing.
Originally Posted by 97Hope

Stay strong and thanks for sharing your ups and downs. You never know who is going through it or will go through it later and these stories help! I read the boards for many months before I posted anything.
Thanks - I see it as helping myself but if it helps others that's awesome. I don't engage on other's posts much only because I don't feel like I'm one to offer advice - lol.

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So I'm not seeing too many "good" reasons to go back to drinking....puffy face, anxiety, weight gain, headaches....IDK man.

Originally Posted by SaltyDog
Thanks - I see it as helping myself but if it helps others that's awesome. I don't engage on other's posts much only because I don't feel like I'm one to offer advice - lol.


I had a few gals last year and we were horrible at going dark so we started commenting on each other's posts because it seemed easy to see in another person's sitch where they were going wrong - and then we had to follow our own advice! LOL

You can always comment on mine. I like hearing other's perspectives. Don't be shy.

Yes. There is a future beyond the now. There is hope. We just have to know where to look and where to stop looking.


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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