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A Message from Michele
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Re: Moving on and growing. #6 [Re: Mumin] #2913194
01/22/21 02:00 PM
01/22/21 02:00 PM
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Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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So another question for perspective.
D3 has started to name OM a lot more when talking.
Basically included him in her family, as she sees it. (not as a father or boyfriend to XW though)
This is just part of the process, though really isn't all that simple to take in yet.
During one of these very happy babble talks she all of a sudden asked me if I like OM.

I try to be very attentive and really BE with my children during my time with them, but this one really hit me.
I totally neglected the question and just said "I love you". I didn't know what to say.
After I realized I couldn't have done the same thing if it was D6 and there may come a time when they want to talk about him and XW.
It's not like I can say I hate him because that puts the kids in the middle.
What would you guys have said?


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Re: Moving on and growing. #6 [Re: Mumin] #2913195
01/22/21 02:04 PM
01/22/21 02:04 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,562
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SteveLW Online
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Wow, sorry Mumin. I know that has to be tough. I feel for you. I'll let others that have been through it weigh in here, but just wanted to lend you some support here. I am sure once you have moved on and are living your best life post D, things will get easier for you.

You sound like an awesome dad though! Keep up the good work.


M(51), W(52),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Moving on and growing. #6 [Re: Mumin] #2913196
01/22/21 02:15 PM
01/22/21 02:15 PM
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Posts: 6,313
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LH19 Online
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M,

I would say something like:
I am still sorting out my feelings towards OM.

You are not lying and shouldn't prejudice their view.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Moving on and growing. #6 [Re: Mumin] #2913228
01/22/21 07:33 PM
01/22/21 07:33 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 522
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Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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Thanks for the support and input Steve and LH!
Yeah it isnt easy to just accept it but I brush it off quickly in 95% of cases.
Tomorrow is our "going though everything in the house"-day and in a week she is finally moving.

You suggestion is very good LH, it hints that I actually have feeling but they are not ready to be shared.
I have been thinking an honest "I'm not sure. I dont know him".


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Re: Moving on and growing. #6 [Re: Mumin] #2913230
01/22/21 07:38 PM
01/22/21 07:38 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,552
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Ginger1 Offline
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I would say ď all that is important is that he/ she is good to youĒ

Iíve used this one and it worked well

Re: Moving on and growing. #6 [Re: Mumin] #2913250
01/22/21 09:26 PM
01/22/21 09:26 PM
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 356
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OnlyBent Offline
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Originally Posted by Mumin
It's not like I can say I hate him because that puts the kids in the middle.


Do you hate him Mumin? If so, why?


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"If you don't create a beautiful future, your brain will do one for you and it's not good"
Re: Moving on and growing. #6 [Re: Mumin] #2913251
01/22/21 09:28 PM
01/22/21 09:28 PM
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Posts: 356
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OnlyBent Offline
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Originally Posted by Mumin
I have been thinking an honest "I'm not sure. I dont know him".


I was thinking an upbeat "I've never met OM, so I'm not sure"


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"If you don't create a beautiful future, your brain will do one for you and it's not good"
Re: Moving on and growing. #6 [Re: Mumin] #2913262
01/22/21 10:34 PM
01/22/21 10:34 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 522
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Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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Loathe, hate, despise whatever the word. Sure donít like him.
Why I donít like him should be obvious.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Re: Moving on and growing. #6 [Re: Mumin] #2913264
01/22/21 10:41 PM
01/22/21 10:41 PM
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 356
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OnlyBent Offline
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Posts: 356
Originally Posted by Mumin
Why I donít like him should be obvious.


It's not, so enlighten us (I haven't read your full sitch yet, so apologies if he was your best friend or something like that and I've missed that),

Last edited by OnlyBent; 01/22/21 10:42 PM.

Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"If you don't create a beautiful future, your brain will do one for you and it's not good"
Re: Moving on and growing. #6 [Re: Mumin] #2913269
01/22/21 11:13 PM
01/22/21 11:13 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 522
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Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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Steeling this from hope:
We are dealing with people who are willing to destroy families, spend tens of thousands of dollars, risk the loss of friends, reputation etc. - all to fill the void in their lives. All to "feel" better. Caring nothing for the devastation they leave in the wake.
I donít like those kind of ppl. I donít like my XW anymore either.

But no need to dig there. I used to obsess as much about him as XW in the beginning but I am past that. This was about me talking to my kids and not putting them in the middle.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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