Kit - You aren't going to find a good guy until you deal with your stuff. First it was your ex, then pilot, then you will get hurt by a another guy, and another. You will come here and post asking how you can lock another guy down. Rinse wash repeat.
You will continue down this path until you can respect that the Universe is trying to teach you something (and it's not how to date).
Thank you...
But, I'm not looking to LOCK down anyone.
I wasn't looking... but fell for pilot.
I'm out having good conversation, making connections, having fun. Many have asked for friendship which I'm fine with. Some go away after a date which I'm fine with.
I wasn't necessarily looking for "the one" seeing how I'm only separated and not divorced. I was just out having fun, living life and "fell" for the one who was not on the same page as myself. It happens.
But, I hear each and every one of you. I should not be dating... I'm listening... and will step away from dating.
It is what it is. We did not really know each other. I just caught feeling when I should not have... it happens. Won't make that mistake again.
I am not sure deciding who to fall for and who not to fall for is "a mistake" or something you can control. I think if you are dating someone and sleeping with them, the chance for falling for them is always there. Heck, Hollywood makes dozens of movies a year based on that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It is what it is. We did not really know each other. I just caught feeling when I should not have... it happens. Won't make that mistake again.
I am not sure deciding who to fall for and who not to fall for is "a mistake" or something you can control. I think if you are dating someone and sleeping with them, the chance for falling for them is always there. Heck, Hollywood makes dozens of movies a year based on that.
Thank you for not making me feel like an idiot.
I think it stings more based on his reason for not talking with me anymore.
I 100% get that he feels that "I"m a married woman" and regardless of what the papers say I'm not going through a D because he's been through a D and I'm clearly not. That my STBXH footed my vaca.
^^^That's how he "feels".
Okay - my vaca was footed from joint assets I equally paid into and STBXH insisted I use (out of guilt and he clearly just doesn't want to deal with the timeshare and never did) STBXH is paying off the timeshare because of said guilt and he doesn't want me stuck with his BAD decision about the timeshare.
HOWEVER - when he stated I completely lacked empathy in regards to his dogs which are his "kids" I was floored. REALLY??? He went on about how I was not understanding of his work situation and all his stress at home. SERIOUSLY??? I left him with the impression I was not the least bit interested in getting him to open up about these things.
^^^That is where I hit my head over and over. I was VERY interested in him and knowing more about him.
He looks at me as a waste of his time. That hurts. All I can do is move forward.
For whatever reason he decided this wasn’t working, he decided after 6 dates it wasn’t working and then you kind of went psycho on him. Dating is to decide if a situation works for someone and it didn’t work for him. Dating a married woman who he could sense was still hooked on her ex . And said “not for me”
After 6 dates, you should be “ok, this kind of hurts but his choice” and not obsess and just simply walk away with grace.
Until you work on yourself, you will like someone again, they may not be feeling it, and you will repeat the cycle instead of walking away from it .
But it’s like beating a dead horse to death. You will frame what you are doing in the light that suits you best.
For whatever reason he decided this wasn’t working, he decided after 6 dates it wasn’t working and then you kind of went psycho on him. Dating is to decide if a situation works for someone and it didn’t work for him. Dating a married woman who he could sense was still hooked on her ex . And said “not for me”
After 6 dates, you should be “ok, this kind of hurts but his choice” and not obsess and just simply walk away with grace.
Until you work on yourself, you will like someone again, they may not be feeling it, and you will repeat the cycle instead of walking away from it .
But it’s like beating a dead horse to death. You will frame what you are doing in the light that suits you best.
NOPE... done with that...
I saw the mistakes I made with him. I was certainly rusty on my dating skills for sure. I missed KEY things he brought up.... He knew I was NOT D. He started talking discussing who all I was dating... was I a "player" on the 3rd date... do you really discuss exclusivity on 3rd date??? I am new to dating again and I thought that was too soon. I just said I was not a player... not my MO but I sort of blew it off cause it was just a third date.
NO. I will not get sucked in so easily again.
I've got a guy who I have a third date with this weekend and he is chasing hard... and I'm like slow down space cowboy. I'm still working on D and I have no idea what I'm doing. AND, I'm crystal clear with him and all of that. But, I think after this weekend I need to take a break from him. Its too much.
He started talking discussing who all I was dating... was I a "player" on the 3rd date... do you really discuss exclusivity on 3rd date???
If you want to be exclusive, yes, if you don't want to be exclusive, no.
Originally Posted by KitCat
I am new to dating again and I thought that was too soon.
If it feels too soon, "No" is a great answer. I would encourage against trying to answer the way you think will please people, and instead to answer genuinely based on your desires. That will attract people who are seeking people like you! It sounds obvious, but it's probably why I get so many 1st and 2nd dates. Of course, your last two partners seemed abusive, so try to get therapy going before you date more.
He started talking discussing who all I was dating... was I a "player" on the 3rd date... do you really discuss exclusivity on 3rd date???
If you want to be exclusive, yes, if you don't want to be exclusive, no.
Originally Posted by KitCat
I am new to dating again and I thought that was too soon.
If it feels too soon, "No" is a great answer. I would encourage against trying to answer the way you think will please people, and instead to answer genuinely based on your desires. That will attract people who are seeking people like you! It sounds obvious, but it's probably why I get so many 1st and 2nd dates. Of course, your last two partners seemed abusive, so try to get therapy going before you date more.
But - had he just come out and asked OR if I was in a place where I wasn't feeling weird because frankly this was the SECOND guy I'd gone out with when I just started dating.
IF he had just come out and said something about being exclusive OR how I felt about when was a good time to discuss such things... I WOULD HAVE EXCLUSIVELY dated him. Frankly, I was playing it cool... I did not want to appear overeager OR too into him.
I had not dated in 12yr... I was such a noob again.
Look I accept that I completely blew it with this guy. And, there are no second chances when you only dated someone 6 times.
He was NOT perfect. He certainly had a lot of chaos in his life. He was not very clear on what he needed... I often took some of his texts to mean he wanted to not talk/space but then looking back perhaps he wanted to talk and I was not asking the right questions? I don't know.
He certainly had NO problem being clear in the END.
Why am I even rehashing this??? I'm just prolonging my suffering.
Frankly, I was playing it cool... I did not want to appear overeager OR too into him.
If you're NEXTed for being genuine, at least you know you two were not a good match. If you're NEXTed for playing a role, you never know what might have happened if you were genuine, and besides the mask will eventually fall off and they'll NEXT you then if they don't like the genuine you. If there's an issue you're trying to hide behind a mask, work on the issue, not the mask. You have some amazing in you. No masks.
