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The Aftermath - Part 3 #2912263
01/10/21 07:52 AM
01/10/21 07:52 AM
Joined: Dec 2019
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Drh2001 Offline OP
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Drh2001  Offline OP
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Link to Part 2

WW dropped S bomb - part 2

My WW moved out in Dec '20. I refinanced the house and she got her half. I have the kids M-F and she has long weekends.

I've had a lot of time to think and work on myself. Working remotely due to Covid and putting out fires everyday with the kids who are remote learning.

Oldest daughter decided not to go stay with her mother this weekend. OM does not want her emotional support animal at the house as it makes messes. Daughter offered solutions but OM says no and WW caught in the middle. Daughter needs her emotional support animal when trying to adjust to the other house.

When WW first moved in with OM I told my daughters to keep the two lives separate and not tell me about OM but eldest daughter told me why she's not going to the other house this weekend though her sister did go.

I'm not sure how long my daughter can keep this up for. She can be stubborn but she insists she can't be apart from her pet. Maybe she hopes her mother will pressure OM to change his mind. I'm not encouraging my daughter to not see her mother but I don't know what to say to her. It's not my house and OM has the right to make decisions.

My daughter's birthday is next week and WW asked if she could take her out to lunch since she won't have seen her all week. I agreed to do this as long as she brought her back that afternoon as she is having take out here with her friends.


I've been fair to WW even when last week she texted my daughter saying she was going to come and get her early without notifying me. I told her she is undermining me as a parent and she should be asking me first to pick my daughter up early. Her excuse was that if I'm not busy doing something with my daughter she sees no reason why she can't get them early and even called me inflexible! I'm not even part of the equation and I told her never to do this again especially as we have a custody agreement in place.


Last edited by job; 01/10/21 04:16 PM. Reason: corrected the link
Re: The Aftermath - Part 3 [Re: Drh2001] #2912354
01/11/21 04:30 PM
01/11/21 04:30 PM
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 446
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97Hope Offline
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Holy cannoli, Drh...

Just caught up with your sitch. You have been incredibly fair and it sounds like you have found your voice!

Glad to see you have boundaries around the WW - she will push those any chance she can and then blame you for being inflexible, unreasonable, etc....

What do you do on weekends that you have alone?

Re: The Aftermath - Part 3 [Re: Drh2001] #2912398
01/11/21 08:03 PM
01/11/21 08:03 PM
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 614
Illinois
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mtb1981 Online
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Glad to see you got your gonads back, doc. Keep up the good DB'ing...

Last edited by job; 02/14/21 02:51 PM. Reason: used proper terminology for body part

Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
Re: The Aftermath - Part 3 [Re: Drh2001] #2913095
01/20/21 09:04 PM
01/20/21 09:04 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,484
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CWarrior Online
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Originally Posted by Drh2001
I've been fair to WW even when last week she texted my daughter saying she was going to come and get her early without notifying me. I told her she is undermining me as a parent and she should be asking me first to pick my daughter up early. Her excuse was that if I'm not busy doing something with my daughter she sees no reason why she can't get them early and even called me inflexible! I'm not even part of the equation and I told her never to do this again especially as we have a custody agreement in place.

Great job! You have a custody agreement, and she can't change it unilaterally. Flexibility comes into play if and only if she requests a change, recognizing your right to say yes or no.

Originally Posted by Drh2001
She even told me I could have the kids every other weekend! How generous of her!
I have the kids M-F and she has long weekends.

..and one of her Ds even chose not to come over. LOL at her fantasy vs. her reality. It's amazing how many LBS relinquish the family home and custody. There is definite strength in your story.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: The Aftermath - Part 3 [Re: Drh2001] #2913105
01/20/21 11:22 PM
01/20/21 11:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
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sandi2 Offline
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I don't know if you saw my posts, but I responded to yours in my thread, and then I posted in your previous thread. I never heard anymore, and thought you were taking a break or had left us. Glad to see you posting again. smile


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Re: The Aftermath - Part 3 [Re: sandi2] #2913120
01/21/21 04:56 AM
01/21/21 04:56 AM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 145
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Drh2001 Offline OP
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Drh2001  Offline OP
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Originally Posted by sandi2
I don't know if you saw my posts, but I responded to yours in my thread, and then I posted in your previous thread. I never heard anymore, and thought you were taking a break or had left us. Glad to see you posting again. smile



Hi Sandi,

I did read your response, thank you! Meant a lot to me. I will be posting here and continuing to do 180s.

Re: The Aftermath - Part 3 [Re: Drh2001] #2913122
01/21/21 06:39 AM
01/21/21 06:39 AM
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Mumin Offline
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Where I live it is common at 12 years of age to allow children to chose for themselves where to live.
Obviously they’ll spend time with both parents but they get to have one main wardrobe so to speak.
While I think this is a great principle it scares me as my house is a bit off.

Last edited by Mumin; 01/21/21 06:40 AM.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Re: The Aftermath - Part 3 [Re: Mumin] #2913145
01/21/21 05:51 PM
01/21/21 05:51 PM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 293
Midwest
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harvey Offline
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Originally Posted by Mumin
Where I live it is common at 12 years of age to allow children to chose for themselves where to live.
Obviously they’ll spend time with both parents but they get to have one main wardrobe so to speak.
While I think this is a great principle it scares me as my house is a bit off.


That seems awfully young to let the decision rest with the child. It also opens up the possibility of shenanigans by one or both spouses.

Re: The Aftermath - Part 3 [Re: Drh2001] #2914728
02/09/21 03:41 PM
02/09/21 03:41 PM
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Posts: 149
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NickWing Offline
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WW dropped S bomb - part 2

My WW moved out in Dec '20. I refinanced the house and she got her half. I have the kids M-F and she has long weekends.

I've had a lot of time to think and work on myself. Working remotely due to Covid and putting out fires everyday with the kids who are remote learning.

Oldest daughter decided not to go stay with her mother this weekend. OM does not want her emotional support animal at the house as it makes messes. Daughter offered solutions but OM says no and WW caught in the middle. Daughter needs her emotional support animal when trying to adjust to the other house.




I think your daughter recognizes it’s dysfunctional for her mother to go from one bed to the next, and probably does not want to be under the same roof as the guy who stole her mom from her Dad. Plus she gets to stay in her own room and sleep in her bigger bed.

My daughters will be facing the same issue in the future. I didn’t think about that until just now. Makes me sick to think of some other guy replacing me.

Last edited by NickWing; 02/09/21 03:45 PM.

Me 57/W 53, M 23, T 27

D21/D17

BDay 6/29/20, ILYBINILWY

IHS 10/5/2020
Re: The Aftermath - Part 3 [Re: Drh2001] #2914989
02/14/21 01:55 PM
02/14/21 01:55 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 145
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Drh2001 Offline OP
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Drh2001  Offline OP
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It's coincidence this happens to be Valentine's Day and I'm posting. So this is not a rant.

My relative (who knows the situation with my WW) told me the other day that "she has steamrollered over her family without any regard for the consequences. And what has she got? A small house, someone else's kids to look after, a pile of debt, no real security, children in therapy and a low opinion from her family and friends. And for what? A leg over. I hope she feels it was worth it, for it sure looks like a bad deal to me."

---------

My WW moved out in December 2020 and straight into OM's house. He has three kids from a previous marriage. They live in a cramped duplex. And with my two kids there during long weekends, that's a household of seven not to mention all the pets.

We did mediation before she moved out and they asked her what she planned on doing. I tried to keep a straight face as she said she was moving in with a "significant other." This is actually on the divorce agreement. So no alimony for her. I insisted she waive it permanently, even though we've been married more than 15 years. I told her I'm not paying for her to live with OM who has a full time job.She had the nerve to ask me if she could claim it some point in the future if it didn't work out with OM. She left with credit card debt of over $12k. How she managed to spend that kind of money in six months beats me. She actually texted me last month to ask why her balance wasn't going down. Well when you have that high amount of debt and making minimum payments, it'll take a lot longer to pay off at 18% interest.

Anyone else have a WW that threw everything away and trampled on their kids to satisfy their own selfish needs?







Last edited by Drh2001; 02/14/21 01:57 PM.
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