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Where have you grown? What changes have you made that are about you?


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�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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Originally Posted by LH19
Where have you grown? What changes have you made that are about you?

I'm 3/4 of the way thru Dry January - something I never thought possible a year ago. Just the thought of going a month gave me anxiety. That is 100% for me and not anyone else. If I was doing it for someone else, I would've dropped out on day 2.

Instead of dragging myself out of bed at the last minute every morning, or sleeping past 9am on weekends I now am regularly up between 5:30 and 6, often without an alarm, and start my day with journaling, working out (before breaking the rib, although that is healing and I'm starting back in a bit), meditating, and having me time before the kids are up and the day starts.

I've stopped watching TV unless it is a movie with the kids. Otherwise I am reading. I used to love reading and I stopped because I told myself there was never time. I just didn't make time. Now I do.

i was getting back into Jiu-jitsu pretty hard before the rib.

I have taken photography up and have gotten lots of positive feedback from people.

I go on at least 1 hike a week, if not more.

I put in an application at a new job, which is scary as hell as I have a good job that pays well. It just [censored] my soul dry.

And the most important thing is I feel better about me. More confident, stronger, and a better sense of clarity. It comes and goes obviously, good days and bad, but the fact I am able to feel GOOD again on my own is huge.

I look at that list and wonder how many I would've done if we had gotten back together back in October or something. There's nothing there I couldn't have done if we were together, but would I? And now that I am doing them, they are becoming non-negotiables if we were to reconcile.

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I'll preface this post with "I know it doesn't MEAN anything" but it is one of those WTF little things that drive me nuts.

Just to level-set - no huge changes, still living separate, she came over yesterday to pick up oldest son since they both had eye appointments. Things were cordial and business-like. She commented that I looked good, I thanked her, and that was about the extent of it.

Anyway, she sends through an email this morning from our favorite nursery advertising that they have all of their bare-root fruits and veggies in stock and points out the ones we'd want. I am the gardener, and I get that this is something that in the past would be exciting for us to go and get to build out our garden, but my first thought is "why the fu*k would I go buy and plant raspberries in a garden I likely won't be tending in the future?" I don't want to plant anything or do anything around long-term improvements to this house. I didn't respond to the email.

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Originally Posted by SaltyDog
I'll preface this post with "I know it doesn't MEAN anything" but it is one of those WTF little things that drive me nuts.


Why does it drive you nuts? Because of your mind reading?

Have you followed Scotty Bs thread. His kooky stbxw in July was talking about them buying a beach home. She then bought her own house in November.

In your STBXWs mine nothing has changed until SHE decides that it does. That's what happens when the LBS gives them all the power. You are literally at her mercy.


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Mixed signals from a WW are typical. You did good not responding to it. If you put too much meaning into it when she does that, and react in a way informed by that too much meaning, she will quickly correct you and point out that she still doesn't want to be married. My W was in her wayward phase a relatively short period of time, and it happened no less than 2 dozen times in that period of time. She'd talk about future or long-term plans, if I mentioned that it sounded like she was changing he mind she quickly corrected me and said "nope, still want to move out and get a D." It is extremely illogical.........which is a perfect description of the WW.


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Exactly,

My therapist told me at Monday's session. "Taz don't try to apply logic to a situation that has never followed a logical path. You'll get stuck there."

Last edited by Taz; 01/21/21 07:28 PM.

Me55 (53@BD)
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BD 9/29/19 (came home from weekend fishing trip and wife had moved out with no warning)
W filed 10/19/20 (Informed me via text)
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Originally Posted by LH19
Why does it drive you nuts? Because of your mind reading?

It drives me nuts because it makes no sense. And I get it, nothing they do makes sense or comes from a logical mindset. To me it's like her saying "hey, where should we sail on the boat this summer?" when we don't even own a boat.

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Originally Posted by Steve85
It is extremely illogical.........which is a perfect description of the WW.

And being an extremely logical person myself, it is beyond frustrating because there is no way to show them how nutty they are. I'm expecting the next email to say "Did you know the moon is made of cheese?"

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The WW mindset acts on 100% emotion.. pure and simple..

There is no room for logic.

In their world 3+3=2.

Dont even try to understand it.. it will drive you crazy..

Step back and just laugh it off..


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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Originally Posted by SaltyDog
Originally Posted by Steve85
It is extremely illogical.........which is a perfect description of the WW.

And being an extremely logical person myself, it is beyond frustrating because there is no way to show them how nutty they are. I'm expecting the next email to say "Did you know the moon is made of cheese?"

Who is nuttier? The nut or the one chasing the nut?

Deep thoughts by Jack Handy? lol


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�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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