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Hi Mumin!!

I just caught up on your sitch! How are you? Do you have a date for the move out?

It's interesting to read a year of someone's life and see how far they have come. I've re-read my own sitch a few times during the past 2 years and I can learn something about myself - and where people have made suggestions that I didn't follow or followed and worked that I had forgotten about.

The only thing that I can see is your desire to have conversations about what is best for the kids with your XW. Unfortunately, like Sandi has explained - she has her own opinion of what's ok for your kids and unless she is exposing them to a degree that would require legal intervention, there's nothing you can do.

I would only add that you continue to post here, talk to IC or a trusted friend and get it out of your system. Other than that, communicate with XW only as absolutely necessary. Will help with final phases of detachment.

Happy (late) New Year!

Stay strong!


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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Thank you for popping by Hope and thanks for all input guys!
I haven't talked much with XW lately. I have spent a week skiing and snowboarding with my brother his GF and some friends. Really awesome!

To your post Hope, XW is moving out in two weeks. Looking forward to February!
I haven't said anything more about kids and don't plan to say much either. As you say she has her own opinion and is entitled to it.

Though one things has been on my mind recently. We need to agree on how to handle clothes, toys and thing that kids like to bring with them when "moving".
I will suggest to have two of most things but for instance a snowboard isnt something you get two of. (Yes my little daughters snowboard, Im so friggin proud!!) Hence some things will need to travel between homes in a bag. My brothers GF said she used to take a huge hockey trunk filled with clothes every week when she was a teenager...
Will also talk to D6 about this. I want to make sure she feels comfortable and she shouldn't have to drag a bag around at school. At least not as a 6 year old. Though I'd personally prefer not to exchange these things with XW every week.
Might talk to the school and see if they can help.
Any tips/suggestions/pointers here is, as always, appreciated!

Not sure I mentioned but I am officially D'd now. Doesn't change anything really but kind of a mild freeing feeling.
XW hasn't mentioned it and neither have I.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Hey Mumin, glad you had a nice time at the snow. My brother's little boys are expert skiers already, its very cool that your D's are already into it as well.

Re toys and clothes, etc. When my STBXW moved out we just split everything in half and topped up where necessary. Kids have so many toys and books these days that there was plenty to go to each house. The clothes seem to make a back and forward over the weeks and when we buy new clothes, the cost is shared. Things like goggles for swimming just come in the schoolbag on the days needed, doesn't seem to make sense to get two of these sort of things when with a bit of cooperation they can be shared. We do this with his bike, helmet, bodyboard, things like that.


Me: 41 W:42
T: 14 M: 11
S: 6

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Hi Mumin,

Like OnlyBent, my ex-wife and I usually double-up. It's okay if they don't have the same toys and sports gear and book series at both homes. Magic Treehouse at one home, Last Kids on Earth at the other. There have been exceptions--for toys, the kids could take one item over when that was an issue; for school supplies, buying one copy and putting it in the backpack worked; for laptops, occasionally one breaks down and the other parent "lends" computer equipment for a short period of time (1-2 weeks).

I can't recall any issues rising to the level of needing an "agreement", except when all the ice packs or long pants or new shirts end up at one house! We crossed that bridge when it happened.

Congratulations on completing the divorce, and glad you're looking forward to February!

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Thanks OB! I hope to see a similar setup for us.
We just havent hade the conversation yet and I hadn't thought that much about it.
My girls can be a bit specific about their clothes from time to time so I'm sure we will "send" clothes. Not sure about the costs though.
(I almost want to kill myself (or society) when six year old says my clothes are ugly, but that's another conversation.)

Do you do some practical "extra" runs with things/clothes back and forth or how do you move things around?


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Thanks CW!
We wont need an actual agreement and I am sure thing will unfold as we go.
My main concern is that the kids feel comfortable but I have also learned that XW tends to assume things and typically we dont have the same idea.
I will probably suggest we share costs for outerwear, shoes, equipment etc. Clothes will be mostly paid for by oneself.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Originally Posted by Mumin
Do you do some practical "extra" runs with things/clothes back and forth or how do you move things around?

No, and this isn't part of the shared experience I talk to other single parents near me about. Each home is self-sufficient. The closest is when one house gets all the shorts vs. long pants, new vs. old clothes, ice packs, or thermoses. The parent on the lacking side says something, and it's fixed at the next hand-off. Rarely some school work is forgotten and the parent with custody has to make an extra trip to pick it up.

Originally Posted by Mumin
I will probably suggest we share costs for outerwear, shoes, equipment etc. Clothes will be mostly paid for by oneself.

I could see coordinating on those. We don't do so. When my S's or D's shoes look worn out enough, either she or I buy new ones. Sometimes I buy them. Sometimes she buys them.

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Originally Posted by Mumin
Do you do some practical "extra" runs with things/clothes back and forth or how do you move things around?


Sometimes this does happen with us Mumin. I try to keep this to a minimum but sometimes it can't be avoided. If his bike is at my house and she wants to take him to the bike park, she would swing by and pick it up or I will drop it off. We live about a 5 min walk away from each other so it isn't difficult and if its truly for my S4 then I don't mind.


Me: 41 W:42
T: 14 M: 11
S: 6

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Congrats on D! In many minds its some sort of finality, but it is t really just a technicality.

At the moment (if we dont end up in court) we have one exchange in the week, so we dont see each other as it happens at school and one over the weekend where we do see each other and H comes ti pick the boys up. Everything that the boys had at home -stayed at home. H bought extra stuff for them and generally speaking we try and return some of the clothes to the home where it belongs. There was one occasion where literally all trousers ended up at h house, so i had to swing by and collect, otherwise no problems. Mine are really into their scooters, but they always stay at our home.
Today was even odder, only s 5 went with H and they took some card games and s7 stayed home as he was unwell.
I think some if these things happen naturally, sotting down and pre planning how this works is perhaps putting to much emphasis on this. Obv if you run into issues then have the convo.

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Thank for adding Gigi! Thanks everyone for your perspective!
I thought about this last night and after your help realized I should just tell her what I prefer.
If she suggests something else we might need to discuss.

Thanks everyone! Now off to digital work!
My body is sore from really heavy gym sessions this weekend.
Try to eat 80-100g (about 3oz) of pure protein every day.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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