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Im with Sandi, hate to say it but I see lots of vets on here that play hardball right off the bat, is it the right thing to do? probably, is it hard? definately, but ultimately you know your W and where you are at internally. Dont file for a D as punishment or some ulitmatium to make her see things. It wont work, and the WW/WAW can say "oh he gave up and filed, im a victim now" if you want to recon dont file until you dont want to recon.

Thats just my humble opinon. But drop the rope and follow Sandi's rules for sure. Easier said than done but as the Mandalorian would say "This is the way".


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Sorry if I muddied the waters or put too much pressure.

My advice to file D based on adultery was only to protect you during the interim.(Given the waiting period in your area and custody issues in future)

In my mind - D is a business transaction - an R could take place at any time in the process at which time you could drop the D.

But I am on the other side of things, so I'm definitely biased!

I filed D to protect my financial interests but still remained standing for my marriage. For 2 more years. It did protect me.
My Xh was in middle of MLC and making crazy choices and spending money like crazy.

Sandi & Steve are correct - you have to make decisions based on what is best for YOU. And Sandi def has insight to things that I do not.

We are all here for you and have our own histories and backgrounds and will suggest based on what we have been through or what we have seen.

Maybe a less drastic approach could be to supply L with any info he needs to keep in case you need it.










Last edited by 97Hope; 01/15/21 02:57 AM.

ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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Thanks everyone:)

Defiantly had some rough times today, got to thinking about W and had to push them out. She texted me a pic this morning of her and our German Shepard Puppy.

Work went ok. Boss could tell I was out of it a little but he didn’t say much. He knows I’m having issues and has been good about it. Got home from work and took two of my kids out for a drive and we got some pizza. Spent the night watching some movies they wanted to see.
W texted me and said she would be home by 3 don’t wait up. I didn’t plan on waiting up anyways but the text just pisses me off and upsets me at the same time. I didn’t reply to it at all, then she texted “ok?” But it got me thinking how someone who claims to be a Christian and reads her Bible can do all the things she is doing to me and our family. Should I reply at all to her text?

I’m now layer my in bed getting ready for sleep. I have tomorrow off so got to find something to do. I may go to a local park and go for a long walk and soak in some music smile

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Originally Posted by Hopeful
Should I reply at all to her text?

Nope, "I'll be at OM's until 3am" is informational and doesn't warrant a reply. "Okay?" is a question but a dumb one--obviously it's not okay that she's cheating on you. wink

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W texted me and said she would be home by 3 don’t wait up. I didn’t plan on waiting up anyways but the text just pisses me off and upsets me at the same time. I didn’t reply to it at all, then she texted “ok?” But it got me thinking how someone who claims to be a Christian and reads her Bible can do all the things she is doing to me and our family. Should I reply at all to her text?


Have you ever waited up for her since OM has been in the picture? I told you that she wanted an open M, and this is her "nicely" telling you she'll be with OM until late. If there was an understanding that this is an in-house separation, she'd probably not even let you know she was going to be out late.......unless she simply enjoys rubbing it in your face.

To answer your question, No, don't text her back. Why should you? So as not to worry her that something might be going on with you? I doubt it would distract her from her activity with OM. No, have enough self respect to leave that one silent.

I have a question. According to what your lawyer said about filing on grounds of adultery...... the couple could not stay overnight under the same roof for a year. So, it seems in-house separation is not legally considered a legit separation. Did I understand correctly?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted by Steve_
Im with Sandi, hate to say it but I see lots of vets on here that play hardball right off the bat, is it the right thing to do? probably, is it hard? definately, but ultimately you know your W and where you are at internally. Dont file for a D as punishment or some ulitmatium to make her see things. It wont work, and the WW/WAW can say "oh he gave up and filed, im a victim now" if you want to recon dont file until you dont want to recon.

Thats just my humble opinon. But drop the rope and follow Sandi's rules for sure. Easier said than done but as the Mandalorian would say "This is the way".


I agree with what Steve said.

It's a long, hard journey. As you get your ducks in a row, distance yourself more and more from her as you get back in touch with you. Find that self worth, self respect, & dignity... at some point you'll realize you are far better than how she is treating you and you'll figure it out.


H 49 , W 47
T 23, M 17
S11, S5
BD: 7/18
IHS: 7/18 - 3/19
Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19
Piecing: 4/19 - Current

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Given the latest posts and the fact that you are Christian I would highly recommend to Read/study Love must be tough.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Given the latest posts and the fact that you are Christian I would highly recommend to Read/study Love must be tough.


Agree 100%.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted by Mumin
Given the latest posts and the fact that you are Christian I would highly recommend to Read/study Love must be tough.

Will try and find it smile Probably will have to Kindle it so W doesn’t know

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Originally Posted by sandi2
Quote
W texted me and said she would be home by 3 don’t wait up. I didn’t plan on waiting up anyways but the text just pisses me off and upsets me at the same time. I didn’t reply to it at all, then she texted “ok?” But it got me thinking how someone who claims to be a Christian and reads her Bible can do all the things she is doing to me and our family. Should I reply at all to her text?


Have you ever waited up for her since OM has been in the picture? I told you that she wanted an open M, and this is her "nicely" telling you she'll be with OM until late. If there was an understanding that this is an in-house separation, she'd probably not even let you know she was going to be out late.......unless she simply enjoys rubbing it in your face.

To answer your question, No, don't text her back. Why should you? So as not to worry her that something might be going on with you? I doubt it would distract her from her activity with OM. No, have enough self respect to leave that one silent.

I have a question. According to what your lawyer said about filing on grounds of adultery...... the couple could not stay overnight under the same roof for a year. So, it seems in-house separation is not legally considered a legit separation. Did I understand correctly?




Yes In house separation is not a “legal” separation for our state. Only legal separation is separate dwellings for one full year.

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