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Steve_ Offline OP
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MTB you nailed it bud.

Yesterday I get trip when she face times the kids she teared up and said she wished I was with her instead of OM.
Today she hit me up and said she is stopping the divorce. Her and OM arenít working out, she is done and he will leave once he gets his house from LBW.

I just told her.. not getting my hopes up. Stopping the divorce is a nice gesture but with other men being involved in our marriage we donít have one. I would love to be a family but other men can never happen again. Obviously you still are living with him til he moves out so no need to really worry about it.

Iím gonna call our L tomorrow and see if she is even telling me the truth. Doubt it. Either way I donít see remorse or regret or apology. So still doesnít mean jack squat.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Steve I seriously hope you arenít considering this.

If you are, we will keep your seat warm here until the next bomb drop.

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Hi Steve,

Sorry to hear this. That would imho be a worst case scenario--she's cheated on you and returned six times. Letting her return would not learn from that, and you put yourself (and kids) through this again.



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Steve_ Offline OP
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Thornton you hit like a hammer bud. Thatís the cold hard truth of it. This has not been some life lesson for her. She still could give zero fox about what I went through. I see it. Trust that. Was just updating. Anything short of moving mountains isnít going to do much for me at this point. Iíve taken enough of a beating.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,374
Likes: 137
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Originally Posted by Steve_
Thornton you hit like a hammer bud. Thatís the cold hard truth of it. This has not been some life lesson for her. She still could give zero fox about what I went through. I see it. Trust that. Was just updating. Anything short of moving mountains isnít going to do much for me at this point. Iíve taken enough of a beating.

Steve if anyone answers differently then what Thornton posted would be doing you a disservice. I know you will take her back so Iím not even going to go there I am just going to wish you well with your future pains and struggles.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ÔŅĹHappiness equals reality minus expectationsÔŅĹ- Magliozzi
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I canít believe you are considering this either. It is so so so so sad.

If she hasnít started the divorce, you should. Forget you. This would be the wrong decision for the KIDS. Because you know she will be out the door in another month when she finds a new man. And your poor kids have to see mom come and go while dad holds the door open for it .

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Kids Kids Kids..

Ive said it so many times.

You and this woman making a go of it again is not best for the Kids long term.

From early teans, most of us are conditioned to believe a stable 2 parent family is best for the kids..

Note the word "stable" - In situations that involve selfish or people like your wife - there is NO stability..

So you do the numbers...

You get back with her and your children live in a unstable and messed up enviroment 100% of the time..

Or you focus on you and them - get 50 50 custody ( or more ) and provide a stable and loving enviroment for 50% of the time.

I think you know which one is best for the children !

I really tried to save my relationship - ( doing it all wrong i might add, before i foudn this site ) - for the children...

I realise now that my children have never been happier than when they are with me!

Be their rock !!! - and that doesnt involve a selfish WW.


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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Steve_ Offline OP
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She filed in October, I signed it all. It was amicable, no alimony, no spousal support and fixed 1,000 a month child support. She canít come after my retirement or anything, All in all it was decent for me legally. If the divorce goes through honestly Iíd be fine with that. At this point in my life Iím not lifting a finger for my M. Even if she stops the D itís only because she realized she Fíd up but it doesnít mean she loves and respects me. I really do understand that. Believe that the very last thing in the world I want is to feel the pain I felt the last 3 months. It came close to breaking me. I barely pulled myself through.

In other news got the VA to set me up with in-person therapy and start on anti-depressants some sertraline 25mg then to 50 will follow up in 4 weeks. Doctor asked me if i can take some time off once i told him where i work lol, (itís a emergency room for people with psychotic breakdowns) i told him I canít since i am part time and got no paid time off. He understood and apologized for what i been dealing with, commended me for not picking up drinking or anything else destructive. It meant a lot to me, after the war i drank a lot. Glad i got that finally rolling through the actual VA and not out of pocket anymore. But man It takes them forever, but I need it. My self esteem took a big ol whooping. My kids are closer to me than ever before and they are very happy with me, thatís my silver lining here. As much as this destroyed my life In many ways it really brought me and the kids together even more.

Iíll update if anything changes. For now I ride the wave, I do nothing but care for myself and my kids. And Iím honestly totally okay with that.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,374
Likes: 137
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Steve,

I commend you for seeing these things through with the VA and getting the help you need.

What I challenge you to do is to change the way you view what happened. It didnít destroy your life it gave you a change at a great life. If you trust the process and focus on your kids and getting better I promise you that you will find a woman who cherishes you for who you are and what you bring to the table.

Any future that has your STBXW as your partner will be nothing but pain and misery.

The 2 things that keep LBS not getting what they want are not trusting the process and patience.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ÔŅĹHappiness equals reality minus expectationsÔŅĹ- Magliozzi
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Remember the rule: "Believe nothing she says and only half of what she does!"

Even if she stops the D, you should view that as more manipulation. You need to get to a place where you refuse to be Plan B. OM leaving and her being lonely is not her wanting to come back, it is her coming back by default. Steve_, your sitch is very similar to mtb's and a couple of other posters'......and in those cases those posters eventually refused to be jerked around by the nose and moved forward with D themselves! As others have said, you need to find your self-respect and realize that you deserve better......then do what you need to to go out and get it (hint: that means moving on from her and forward with your life.

The "come here come here come here.....go away go away go away!" dynamic that your STBXW's plays with you is keeping you stuck because when says the come heres, your instinct is to run towards her. You've made a lot of progress, do not let her crazy pull you back.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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