On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I'm glad your surgery is behind you and the healing process has begun. I agree w/Andrew 100%...every day is a good day to sparkle.
Enjoy your spa day and do not rush the healing process. Take it one day at a time and give your body all the time it needs to heal.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Funny story about my spa day. My masseuse Left in the middle of my massage 3 times to help other customers for like a total of 20 min. I couldn’t even pay someone to give me undivided attention. Lol. I left a bad Yelp review.inch was good though.
Tomorrow is the first Christmas Eve I will spend alone and wake up alone on Christmas Day since 2016. And I remember being a bit of a wreck. 2017, I had D Christmas Eve, 2018, I spent it with M and his family, first time meeting them. I remember how unbelievable happy I felt. Last year I had d. And this year, just me. Working Christmas even and Christmas helps a little. But there is something about going to bed alone on Christmas Eve and waking up alone Christmas morning that just kills. Especially when you have a kid and you can’t be with them. There is not distraction. And I can’t even get properly drunk because I have work the next day. I’m trying f to fight off the deep deep feelings of loneliness and depression. At least I’m not one of my patients in the hospital with COVID, right ?
I will get through this. I will my daughter and family later Christmas night . Everything will be ok
((Ginger1)) - you are right. You'll get through it. But yeah - it does hurt.
Big hugs - you're not alone even though there's no one there with you other than the mutt.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Thanks for checking in on me, Andrew. Merry Christmas.
Everything went just fine. I got through Christmas Eve, fell asleep early, went to work, D13 came home and my dad and his wife came. We opened gifts. D13 was very happy. Me too. I got some great gifts. Especially my knife set . They stated and my stepmothers sister and daughter came over yesterday and I hosted and made a delicious prime rib. D13 went back to her dads last night.
I’m happy to be alone and some wind down time today and just watch TV. I appreciate it when hosting for 2 days straight.
Hi G. Haven’t been on here much this past month but was concerned about how you have been doing. Really happy to hear about your epiphany and your new focus. As others have said...you won’t always feel this way. Interesting that accepting your feelings as being valid and real and OK has led to them having less of an effect on you. When we stop fighting our feelings and we allow ourselves to just feel them, it is often our path to getting through them to move on to something better.
I remember vividly a turning point in dealing with my sitch. I was in my car driving to work. I hadn’t missed a day and was ready to just plaster a smile on my face and get through it again. A song came on the radio and for some reason, it just hit me... the weight of everything that had gone on. The unfairness of it. Feeling like my H had stopped seeing me years ago. Trying to turn myself into someone he would see again and just being really, really tired of putting him and everyone else first. I just dissolved into tears and knew that there was no way I could keep driving to work. So I turned around and headed home. I called in sick and spent the whole day just allowing myself to feel all of those feelings I had been holding inside. I had always prided myself in being a strong person so it felt a bit indulgent but, at the same time, necessary. XH even commented on my strength when I found out about his double life. He walked into our bedroom for our first “talk” and I heard him say, “you are always so strong”. To this day, I’m not sure why he said it but it stuck with me. I think maybe it was my strength that made him feel weak and he just needed to feel strong again. Certainly his current situation lends itself to that theory as he is definitely the “hero” in OW’s world and he seems to be thriving in that role. Anyway...that’s not really relevant to your situation except to say that when I allowed myself to not be the strong one and to feel those feelings, it really was the start of my “recovery” for what is still the most painful and life-altering experience I have ever been through. A weight was lifted from me that day and it sounds as if a weight has been lifted from you as well.
I sincerely hope that 2021 is really, really good to you and your depression becomes just another thing you have triumphed over. Andrew is right. Every day is a good day to sparkle. (((HUGS)))
Hey, vu! I definitely have come to an acceptance of my feelings. Everything is what it is now, it all kind of [censored] and there is nothing I can do about it. So I just don’t sit it anymore and I just go about my days. Maybe one day things will get better. For now, it is what it is. May I still be sad and lonely, it’s not weighing me down anymore and that’s a good thing I think. Better than it was, anyways, lol.
Today, I got my First dose of my Pfizer covid vaccine. Today 3 young patients who have really been fighting, died COVID. A 41 year old, a 55 year old, and 38 year old. The 38 year old had no comorbidities. He could have soared to lose 20 lbs like me, but I don’t think that should be a death sentence for him. It’s truly devastating. And then we found out Matt the sand which guy in the cafeteria died. He always had the biggest smile, always would talk to you and ask how your day was going and joke around with you. He took a lot of pride in the sandwiches he made too. Rumor has it it was COVID, but I don’t think so because he was last seen making sandwiches early last week. My heart is just broken. It was been a rough day today. Our ER is also getting absolutely slammed. Nothing is going away soon, and it is disheartening . I don’t see a light at the end of this tunnel because I think there are just too many who refuse the vaccine and refuse to mask. I’m praying doing my part with help something .
We got introduced to a new physical therapist today. Who happened to be my friend high school and we had crushes on eachother for like 3 years, but never did anything about it. He’s now married to a gorgeous woman . Sigh. I let the good ones get away.
Anyways. I atleast have dinner plans with a friend on New Years. I’m happy to have anything going on, but will be ringing in the new year alone. Which I’m thankful for, because midnight at a party with other couples is really awkward.
Congratulations on getting the vaccine! I’m waiting, since I’m in an office-based specialty practice, I come at the end of phase 1a, can’t even get information yet on when or where that might be. At this rate I’m guessing a month or so. Other people at much greater risk than me will get it first. I’ve got four patients ill with Covid right now. Trying to keep them all out of the hospital.
Happy new year! New year new me! Hahahaha. J/k. Just another year. Had dinner with a friends New Year’s Eve then passed out on my couch alone before midnight and had some texts. ExH always texts me at midnight, happy new year. Had dinner with my cousins the next night at a nice steak house. I got stimulated, so I had a few extra bucks, lol. Today D13 and I are doing bowling and dinner.
I got kind of triggered over something today. 13 years later. ExH wanted to share a video from FB of D13 when she was 4. I am not nor have I ever been friends with him on FB. I recently set up an account for D13 on my FB for her new gaming system ( you need one) . So I friended him from her account. Which gave me full access to his FB account. I scrolled a little. And I wish I hadn’t something that may never ever be completely tolerable to me and seeing them as a family and her acting like D13 is her kid. It gets under my skin something awful. Taking pictures in matching clothes for photos. Her making shoutouts to what what a great father and husband and best friend he is and how lucky D13 and her are to have him. I felt a rage build up in me. They celebrate their 10 th anniversary on April fools. I’ll say, it’s one thing to have your husband cheat and leave, but then have to witness the affair and her being a family with your child for the rest of your life, is like a lifelong punishment in many ways. Sometimes I feel like I must be a super horrible person to have to witness this for the rest of my life. And I guess I also feel my anger building because I think there is a chance he is a better person and a better partner now. Even my dad who has wanted to murder him says it. It’s what’s best for D13 for sure. But again, huge pills I have swallow and not choke on.
That’s all. Time to get ready for bowling. We need to get out and have some fun.
