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Gigi123 Offline OP
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So need some suggestions on how to deal with this. Things have been failry steady and we got into our routine and i was ok with that.
H drop kids off and says they both said they want to live with him, which is totally bonkers as s5 get upset every time he leaves me to stay overnight. So i spoke
To kids and they indeed said they missed their dad and S5 couldnt really explain why he wants to live there.
All i did was just validate what h said and just confirm that ues they do miss him.

So putting S7 to bed and he says that H have set up a youtube channel for him?!?! And that he only ever does it with OW. Surely this is something that i should have been consulted on?! The videos are harmless, but surely that is t the point, my S is on youtube!

I havent txt as im too angry and we wont be seeing H until after New years anyway. Ive been pretty chill about everything, indifferent even. But this has really irritated me.

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Hi Gigi, sorry to hear that there is tension re the kids and your H, I wish you and others on these boards weren't having to deal with these problems.

Are you angry about this because S is on YouTube, or because he is doing it with OW?


Me: 40 W:41
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W moves out Aug 2020

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Im irritated because he has not asked me whether im ok with S being on youtube. They can take as many videos as they like, and im sure they do anyway and pictures too.

You see he didnt want me posting pictures of my kids on facebook ironically! I mean do i let this slide and just monitor the videos in Terms of appropriateness or do i say something because next time it could be a pierced ear or something!?

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What do you think will be the outcome if you say something? Do you think that would stop more youtube videos going up, or as you say, a pierced ear next time?

What if your S really enjoys making these videos and posting them? If it is harmless, then shouldn't you just be happy that your S is finding a creative outlet that he enjoys?

Really look deep down within yourself and ask if even a little bit of the irritation comes from the OW part of this.

I dropped my S off about an hour early to my STBXW's house on Xmas morning, to have her answer the door barely dressed and then found OM's motorbike parked in the driveway. I was so angry that she took him inside without mentioning that he was there. Yes, I don't want my S near OM on any day let alone Xmas morning, but if I'm totally honest with myself, I'm also upset that she had OM there on xmas eve and xmas morning, and what that says about their relationship.


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
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BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

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Gigi123 Offline OP
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Both S spend two night per week at H, he lives with ow, so she is very much part of whatever it is they are doing. Im used to that part honestly. It wont last, and have no interest in getting to know her, so i pretty much ignore her existence, she isnt part of my life.

Obv co parenting is new to both of us,,but i would have though that things like that would he discussed. There are plenty of things that kids love doing. Like spending all day playing minecraft or eating a load of sweets. Arent we as parents there to guide them?

So if S said to me i want a youtube channel, i would have said let me speak to dad. And it would have been a simply txt like hey S7 wants a YouTube channel, how do you feel about that?!

Problem with these onesided decisions that it put us i to a position of competition, good guy/bad guy. Rather than as parents we have decided that its a no or a yes.

H and I arent together, although married with no legal stuff sorted, however we will always remain their parents.


Last edited by Gigi123; 12/28/20 09:26 PM.
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Originally Posted by Gigi123
Obv co parenting is new to both of us,,but i would have though that things like that would he discussed. There are plenty of things that kids love doing. Like spending all day playing minecraft or eating a load of sweets. Arent we as parents there to guide them?


Absolutely, so it sounds as though if your H had just run it past you, this wouldn't be an issue. Maybe you could just address it like "hey no big deal, but things like the youtube channel can you just run past me first in future". I'm no co-parent expert either but this is probably how I'd address something that has irritated me.


Me: 40 W:41
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Funny thing is, i would have said yes, once i have spoken to S7 about it, just so he understands how it all works.
So you are right its the principle of co parenting and the fact that this pitches us against each other that irritates me. I can hardly say no now! I would so be the bad guy and H is likely to play on that.

Thank you, thats a good one actually, ill sleep on it and give it a bit more time and then either txt or mention in person to him.

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Gigi, sorry you're struggling with this. I'm sure there is a part of this where you're saying "I didn't ask for any of this!" It is definitely but what you signed up for. I'm like OB, and not a coparenting expert, but I do like his approach. Make it no biggie, but that you would have liked to have been in the loop. Just remember that it might but go the way you want it to, and you need to be okay with that.

Gigi, hang in there. Things will get better.


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Gigi123 Offline OP
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Happy New Year!

I decided not to say anything, small battle, wasnt worth it. S7 was very excited that i watched his videos and thats all that mattered in the end. We have some big financial convos to have this year, thats the battles i want to be winning not yout tube ones.

We had a fantastic xmas and a new years party with the kids, they barely saw H and we spent most of the time at home together.

H seems to still be in his crisis, its mainly around showing everyone how good things are and making promises that he cant keep. We are in UK so schools will only be open for key workers, we qualify, so kids going in. Which he had issue with, i said it will be small groups and its as safe as it can be, otherwise its remote schooling which only works if one of is doesnt work and can deal with kids. So H suggested that he does it, i nearly laughed. H is in a high powered position and with everything going on is extremely busy, which essentially means he wont have time for kids and they will end up watching tv all day. He seems to be so desperate to have the kids live with him that he will come
Up with anything at all. I really dont see how the man who left his family and literally abandoned and avoided his kids to start with is now wanting something from me.
Kids are with H until sunday morning, so some very limited GAL, as everythig is literally shut!

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Just journalling

I havent updated my facebook in years, i dont really use it, but i use messenger to communicate with my family and others friends. Because H and I have some common friends, he randomly came up as a suggested contact, so i clicked on his profile. He has changed his relationship status to in a relationship....

That bothered me for a second or so, but what bothered me more is the fact that im still affected by it. It will be 10 months in a couple of weeks. And no of course im not crying over it, not upset, but even the fact that it got my heart beating faster for a couple of seconds irritates me greatly! I cant wait for the day that anything to do with him has no affect on me whatsoever. And i dont mean, faking it, which im fabulous at btw! But actually totally not being bothered for real!

Any real timescales gratefully received!

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