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A Message from Michele
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WW dropped S bomb- part 2 #2884826
02/10/20 04:09 PM
02/10/20 04:09 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 145
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Drh2001 Offline OP
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Drh2001  Offline OP
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Link to old thread

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2877310&page=11

So just to recap things changed quickly. We currently have an in-house separation agreement. When I drafted the agreement it was before I knew anything about DB or found this forum.

I did research on the web and found out that to make a separation like this work it is recommended to have your own private living quarters, buy your own food and do your own laundry etc. I moved out of the MBR because I felt so uncomfortable with someone who said they didn't want to be with me anymore and I moved downstairs.

Had I known about the DB forum I would have done otherwise. As it is, the legal document contains a provision for private living areas. It's not an excuse, it's a fact. Were I to demand access to MBR then all h3ll would break loose but she would have to break the agreement in some way or tell me she wasn't going to honor the terms and conditions which she has been doing. She has been pushing my boundaries telling me she doesn't need a job with a certain salary range and what if she falls in love? I haven't ruled out taking back the MBR at some point but it's in the agreement.


anyway...

WW tells me last week that she is seeing someone and she told my kids. WW has only known this guy for 5 weeks and already thinks he may be the one. He is divorced and same age. WW is even talking about moving out the house and in with him if it gets really serious.

The agreement we have said she would buy me out but there's nothing in there that says she can't leave. There's a provision in the agreement for me to buy her out if that's what she wanted. As long as we both continue to pay the mortgage off until either party can buy each other out.

Suggestions?


Last edited by job; 02/10/20 04:45 PM. Reason: edited language
Re: WW dropped S bomb- part 2 [Re: Drh2001] #2884829
02/10/20 04:27 PM
02/10/20 04:27 PM
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LH19 Online
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Can I ask what fuching kind of boundaries are there that donít state you canít have a boyfriend and tell our kids about him?

I would rip that bull $hit agreement up or set it on fire. Then I would pack all her $hit and throw it in the front yard and dare her loser boyfriend to come pick it up.

Unfuching believable.

Get your daughters into therapy immediately so they know itís not normal to do that.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: WW dropped S bomb- part 2 [Re: Drh2001] #2884833
02/10/20 04:44 PM
02/10/20 04:44 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 145
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Drh2001 Offline OP
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She told me she hated lying to them about her whereabouts (the only time her conscience kicked in). They kept asking her who she was hanging out with and where she was going and she would tell them she's hanging out with friends,

She would sometimes go see OM straight from work and wouldn't come back till midnight or later and didn't bother cooking for them on that day. This has happened a few times.



Last edited by Drh2001; 02/10/20 04:47 PM.
Re: WW dropped S bomb- part 2 [Re: Drh2001] #2884834
02/10/20 04:45 PM
02/10/20 04:45 PM
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Drh2001 Offline OP
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I told her she is being disrespectful to me and the kids by telling them this - she is normalizing her behavior to them. My kids don't like it at all and the oldest one told her she doesn't want to hear about him or know his name.

I told her OM is not to come round to the house or I will be ready.

Now if she decides to move in with him that is to my advantage. At this point I don't know what to do - the situation is throwing me off mentally.

Last edited by Drh2001; 02/10/20 04:46 PM.
Re: WW dropped S bomb- part 2 [Re: Drh2001] #2884836
02/10/20 04:46 PM
02/10/20 04:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,887
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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I would contact a lawyer and have him/her review this so called agreement and make changes as necessary now. If she's planning to move out, then something needs to be done to address the house issue.

I do agree w/getting your daughters into therapy as soon as possible.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: WW dropped S bomb- part 2 [Re: job] #2884837
02/10/20 04:48 PM
02/10/20 04:48 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 145
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Drh2001 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by job
I would contact a lawyer and have him/her review this so called agreement and make changes as necessary now. If she's planning to move out, then something needs to be done to address the house issue.

I do agree w/getting your daughters into therapy as soon as possible.


Thank you Job - I'm going to do this ASAP.

Re: WW dropped S bomb- part 2 [Re: Drh2001] #2884839
02/10/20 04:49 PM
02/10/20 04:49 PM
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 614
Illinois
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mtb1981 Offline
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I personally think you're putting way too much value and interest into this "agreement". Your marriage is a legal agreement, and I don't see your WW caring too much about it. Yet, here you are, way too worried about upsetting your WW if you break this "agreement". In the meantime, she's not too worried about upsetting you. Blatantly telling you she is with another man, telling your kids she is seeing another man, and wanting to move in with him...

If I were in your shoes, I would have 1 goal for today. I would pack up my WW's $hit and move it to the basement. Take back the MBR and the little bit of respect you can salvage (because she has ZERO respect for you right now). I know you don't want to hear it, but it's true. You are a doormat. You are giving her everything she wants. She has no reason to stop what she is doing, and she won't as long as you keep actively participating in her fantasy by giving her everything she wants...

I wish you the best, Drh, but I don't see much hope for saving your M with the way things are going. No respect = No love = No chance at R. I really wish you would stick up for yourself and your M. I honestly believe it's the only way you'll have a fighting chance to turn this situation around. You have NOTHING to lose...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
Re: WW dropped S bomb- part 2 [Re: mtb1981] #2884866
02/10/20 06:07 PM
02/10/20 06:07 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,562
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SteveLW Online
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Originally Posted by mtb1981
I personally think you're putting way too much value and interest into this "agreement". Your marriage is a legal agreement, and I don't see your WW caring too much about it.


TRUTH GRENADE


M(51), W(52),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: WW dropped S bomb- part 2 [Re: Drh2001] #2884867
02/10/20 06:12 PM
02/10/20 06:12 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
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Drh2001 Offline OP
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OK guys, what if she takes me to court over me taking back the MBR. What if my kids witness her screaming and shouting and cursing at me to get out?

Re: WW dropped S bomb- part 2 [Re: mtb1981] #2884868
02/10/20 06:13 PM
02/10/20 06:13 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 145
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Drh2001 Offline OP
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Drh2001  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 145
Originally Posted by mtb1981
I personally think you're putting way too much value and interest into this "agreement". Your marriage is a legal agreement, and I don't see your WW caring too much about it. Yet, here you are, way too worried about upsetting your WW if you break this "agreement". In the meantime, she's not too worried about upsetting you. Blatantly telling you she is with another man, telling your kids she is seeing another man, and wanting to move in with him...

If I were in your shoes, I would have 1 goal for today. I would pack up my WW's $hit and move it to the basement. Take back the MBR and the little bit of respect you can salvage (because she has ZERO respect for you right now). I know you don't want to hear it, but it's true. You are a doormat. You are giving her everything she wants. She has no reason to stop what she is doing, and she won't as long as you keep actively participating in her fantasy by giving her everything she wants...

I wish you the best, Drh, but I don't see much hope for saving your M with the way things are going. No respect = No love = No chance at R. I really wish you would stick up for yourself and your M. I honestly believe it's the only way you'll have a fighting chance to turn this situation around. You have NOTHING to lose...



mtb1981, I may very well end up doing what you said. I'm getting sick and tired of the disrespect and yes you're right, she has no respect for me whatsoever. I don't want to be a doormat obviously but the agreement is signed and notarized. There is no legal separation in my state but it becomes a legal contract,

Last edited by Drh2001; 02/10/20 06:14 PM.
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