New Beginnings Pt 2

[CanBird]

Job: Thank you for you post. You’re right, shouldn’t be too concerned with xh’s actions or lack of interaction for that matter. I’m guilty of having a wondering mind, especially after talking to friends or family. And there’s still a lot I don’t know about MLC, and being the LBS. Think my XH is leaning towards the WAS category too. Yes, they are definitely living in another world. Heck, my D4 says her dad is in NeverLand all the time… not to far off from the truth right? We just laugh it off, I don’t encourage it, I do journal it though.

kml: Looking forward to talking to BIL. I think it will be good for both of us. Think I’ll follow his lead when it comes to talking about the affair. I’ve seen txt msg between xh & BIL talking about the ow/xgf. So I know the affair is out in the open with brother. The ghosting of his child is difficult for me to talk about. And I think that sticking to the facts, xh hasn’t reached out to D4 since Dec. 25th, says a lot. I get there’s a pandemic happening, but he’s showing nothing but selfishness by not attempting to contact his daughter. Shameful.

97Hope: Boys stick together no matter what right. Yeah, I feel like the support I have with xh family has shifted. It’s still there, more for D4 I’m sure. If we had no children, I don’t think the arms would be as open, but who knows, they are really sweet people. XH parents have been divorced for years (they were never married) and they’ve remained friends and get together at functions, both wives are friends… mind you, there were other marriages too, but the point being is both parents and their partners are all cordial, for the kids and grandkids, and the x’s too. We’ll see how it all plays out.

[CanBird]

D4 said the funniest thing at the playground today. I was embarrassed at first, but kids will be kids. When we arrived there was just a dad with his little son playing. D4 is not shy, never has been. Another Dad & little boy show up. WOW I thought, is there a dad group meeting up? Is today my lucky day? Are they divorced dad's? Maybe single uncles? Yeah, of COURSE my mind went there..lol...anyway... D4 yells, "ICE CREAM!" and the little boys come running! She's pretending of course, and they all start pretending. Dad #1 really gets into it. Love when a parent isn't afraid to just play and have fun. D4 at one point goes right up to Dad #1 (who is by my standards cute), and says, "My mom is divorced. (OMG! Is my kid really saying this! ) "She's not married to my dad any more. Not sure when I'll see him." (I froze and didn't know what to say other than...Thanks for sharing sweety). Dad#1 says to D4, "Well my dad didn't live with me, and that's okay". D4 said, "Yeah, that's okay".

WOW Dad#1! That was such a nice moment. I didn't engage in too much conversation with the guy, just normal parent chit chat, but barley any. I didn't want to come off too chatty. I enjoyed watching him interact with the kids. Some parents don't interact with their kids when they play. I mean, I do sit and watch her be a kid, but I'm there to have fun with her too. Anyway, nice to see a dad play and be a kid with their kid. And then they said bye and went to Target. We stayed a bit longer then headed out as well. Nice rest of the afternoon followed.

So that was what she said....

What might BIL say tomorrow? The question is will BIL reach out tomorrow? We'll see. I've got a list of things to get to tomorrow, so my phone will be close by. When someone asks when I'm available (and he asked), I tell them, and I make myself available.

Good night all.

[97Hope]

CanB, your D4 is absolutely precious!! LOL

I'm only a little concerned about your expectations for convo with BIL.

Maybe have zero expectations? In-laws are tricky (as we've previously discussed) and you might think you will get some comfort from him since he's H's family - but that takes time to see where the dust settles.

Some people might seem very supportive and understanding at first - and switch over - and it can also happen in the reverse.

You have come so far and grown so much! Hope you are able to continue to enjoy your sweet D4 and not put too many eggs in the BIL basket.

((canB))

[CanBird]

CanB, your D4 is absolutely precious!! LOL

I'm only a little concerned about your expectations for convo with BIL.

Maybe have zero expectations? In-laws are tricky (as we've previously discussed) and you might think you will get some comfort from him since he's H's family - but that takes time to see where the dust settles.

Some people might seem very supportive and understanding at first - and switch over - and it can also happen in the reverse.

You have come so far and grown so much! Hope you are able to continue to enjoy your sweet D4 and not put too many eggs in the BIL basket.

((canB))

Oh gosh, yes ZERO expectations. No need for concern, but thank you. (((97Hope ))) I'm glad you put those two words here for me to read this morning. Time for me to buy some sticky notes! I do need these reminders from time to time... you'd think I'd be an expert at this stuff by now, but really there's a lot of unchartered territory I've yet to experience in this journey.

Any growing that I've done is truly with the help of you all here, and the friends and family I finally confided in. My family, D4 and I come first. I think I need to do some good old journaling today. So much to add with what's going on in the world, never mind my own life! WOW.

It's a wild world....

[OwnIt]

Can, following along and hoping you get things resolved so you can keep the house. Enjoy the precious time with D4 before the tween years come. In time you will be glad to have a vanisher. There really are worse types.

[97Hope]

Glad it helped. I sometimes worry about commenting because I can come across a little pushy! (and biased of course)

Like OwnIt said - enjoy that young lady! My baby is 19 and 1st year at Uni. I miss those days, but I know it's hard. You are a strong woman holding it all together!!

[CanBird]

OwnIt: Thank you for your msg ((( ))) waiting things out is the hardest part. Thank goodness for D4. Enjoy these days with her. The tween years scare me! She very smart, and can be a tad sassy, but good for the most part. Under the circumstances, blessed that we are so close. SHE's my motivation to keep going and succeed at whatever I do.

97Hope: You are not pushy in the least bit and it's your opinion anyways. Come as you are I say As much as we all need the comfort of friends, we also need tough love. Keep your comments coming. (( )) for the strong woman words. Means a lot. You're baby is doing year 1 of Uni! You must be proud. Mine will be doing Kindergarten in the fall. Well see how that goes...hopefully it'll be safe enough for her to go in person.

[CanBird]

Zero Expectations. That's one of the "Golden Rules" here. Thank you for those that reminded me to keep that in mind.
I heard ZERO from BIL, and that's okay. Sure, I'm a wee bit disappointed, but having set my expectations bar at zero, that wee disappointment was just a little drop in the bucket. The bucket with a holes..lol...

Yesterday D4 had "school"/daycare so it was mommy day! And what did I do? I made a list for myself and worked through it. Picture that iconic 1940's War Time poster... that's me (Rosie the Riveter/We Can Do it)...but blond..lol.

First on the list was to replace the power window and mirror switches in my truck. THANK GOODNESS for the internet! My A/C has been broken for awhile too, but it's a bit too complicated for me...lol.. I know my limits..

Next on the list was to get on a ladder and look at the roof. Last monsoon rainfall we had, it was dripping through the top of a sliding door. More like a pouring. Luckily at the time, I was able to "MacGyver" something to divert the water after it started. That'll need to be fixed asap and not by me.. While up on the ladder, I cleaned out the gutter, that wasn't on my list, but I should be doing this monthly really, at least checking.

One item on the list didn't get done, was to get a safety on the 2nd vehicle. Thankful I can drive it per agreement if needed, and I have needed to. Any way, it's an older Jeep and has modifications done to it, and won't pass safety without addressing them... UGH.... change the tires to smaller or widen the fenders so they cover the wider tires. ARE YOU KIDDING me that this matters? UGH.. I have sometime to remedy this, but did not expect this challenge to come up. Oh well. Good distraction. Thank you Universe for this one...lol...

Other items on my exciting list included laundry (towels: far too many), and cleaning the oven (self cleaning! 3.4 hrs!).

Although I didn't talk to the person I was hoping to, I did talk to my one and only sister. Her and my father are not talking again. It's been like this all their lives. The latest reason: sister sold our childhood home that was given to her by our father (our mom died a few years ago). Sister told our dad she was doing so, and he said it's yours to do what you want. What he never did, and he is regretful of this, was to write conditions out if she did sell it. The proceeds get split between her and I. Any way, she sold the house that was given to her and made a huge profit which is "tied up for a few years in investments". My father is angry with himself and angry at my sister for not sharing her profits with me. Her and I have talked about my situation and at first she said she would try to help, but now her tune is "wish I could... it's tied up...I need to buy a house too...." She shard with me her and her longtime bf have been talking about going on a trip... so much for her money being tied up. As we talked, I shared a bit of my struggles with her, but I didn't come right out and ask for her help. She just kept saying, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know I should just ASK for help. Guess I figure if she could, she would offer.

After school fun with D4 and I was taking her out to have pizza and practicing her peddle bike! She's only ever had balance bikes, which I highly recommend, never had training wheels. She can peddle on her own for a bit, but the bike she has is a bit too big and heavier than she's use too. *The bike was free. Her & I fixed it up. That was fun! Mom loves showing my girl how to change bike tires. She likes to pretend with the tools. it's cute.* So proud she's getting it! Going to stick to her current glider and keep up with the peddle lessons. She'll grow into it in no time.

That was yesterday. We'll see how the rest of the weekend goes.

Be Safe Everyone

[97Hope]

You CAN do it!! lol See what I did there??

I love this post soooo much!! I agree - youtube is amazing. I jokingly referred to is as my new boyfriend.

It's empowering when you can fix things on your own (especially if you had an H that took care of that stuff.)

I remember replacing the garbage disposal and you would have thought I assembled my own spaceship and flew to the moon I was so proud of myself!

Continue to empower yourself. It will pay out with dividends!!

Re: sister sold house. Well that just stinks. I'm sorry. But I know you will get through whether she helps or not (and from reading this it sounds like not).

Stay strong CanBird! Ca-Caw!

[CanBird]

Hope...you're funny... I totally get it... we share the same sense of humor... love it ..and YouTube the new boyfriend..HA! That's the best! Totally using that...

I didn't build any space ships but I did take care of the vehicle modifications and WOW! to think I was going to call on another man, when my "boyfriend..YT..." was totally there to help. Such a good job, I wanted to take photos and share with the world! I shared with one person..lol... EMPOWERING!!

Re: sister: I don't really know if I'll come to ask her for help. I know my dad wants me to, and I feel uncomfortable asking, but that's a problem I have: Asking for help. All I can do is ask... and she can say yes or no... more like I'd like to but I can't. I'm not counting on her. Love her, because she's my sister, but she's never been my rock.

Ca-CAW! (( hugs))

Have a great day