Great update! It's incredible you're still in IHS after 3 years and still standing; I can't imagine. What an apt screenname. Thanks for coming back for an update w/advice for the newcomers, and best of luck to you.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Some updating, its been awhile. Life goes on with no change in housing situation. I could speculate what S might be thinking or doing but none of that is constructive to my own path at the moment. Things are as normal as could be in this situation. Giving someone space who asked for space is what I am doing.
3 plus years since BD, it is crazy to think about. Marathon indeed, I cannot describe why I am doing what I am doing, other than to say it just feels this is what I should be doing. Maybe this makes sense to some of you, maybe not. I take it one day at a time and I have been for quite awhile now. Tomorrow is for tomorrow.
I have been having more PTSD related issues lately. I increased my sessions with IC and that seems to help some. The nightmares have become very intense. Ic says that is normal around anniversary events, even if I don't remember the dates consciously anymore. I had plans to join a physical support group but then covid cases started climbing again in my area. I am alright to wait.
A member of my family has reached out for the first time in over a year. It has been over 2 years for the rest of them. The conversation was cordial and no animosity was present. I listened more than I talked. It felt good to reconnect but I don't expect anything further. I think it's best that way.
Time goes on. It seems that patience and humility are the lessons I am meant to be learning. It has not been a journey without challenges but if I look at it over time I can see a pattern to the ebbs and flows. This past week was more of an ebb, a month ago it was more of a flow. Distance and enough time will show you these things if you are patient and humble.
So for me my time of quiet and meditation continues. I breathe more, live, rest when I get tired, which is quite often. I guess that is normal for now, and I am quite alright with it.
It's wonderful that you checked in. I'm sorry the PTSD is giving you h3ll right now. Hang in there. Happiest of Holidays to you!
Just out of curiosity have you ever read "The Body Keeps Score" I think it might be a good read for you. Your body remembers those dates and will react as it sees fit regardless of how conscious of it your are or not. A lot of really bad things have happened to me in January. Every year my depression gets bad around that time regardless of my vitamin D or my meds. I thought it was an increase in SAS for a long time. Until I realized it wasn't. It was my body anticipating something bad happening/reliving bad things happening like a haunted house.
Make sure to be kind to yourself right now. You deserve it. Wishing you the best IW.
Yeah there isn't much I can do about it, I'm afraid. It's all connected to nightmares and sleep. The dreams are brutal and sleep deprivation is the result.
I'm glad it isn't constant and there is a pattern so I adjust my schedule as best I can. With work though it's not possible so I have to grin and bear it.
Originally Posted by WF
Happiest of Holidays to you!
Just out of curiosity have you ever read "The Body Keeps Score" I think it might be a good read for you. Your body remembers those dates and will react as it sees fit regardless of how conscious of it your are or not. A lot of really bad things have happened to me in January. Every year my depression gets bad around that time regardless of my vitamin D or my meds. I thought it was an increase in SAS for a long time. Until I realized it wasn't. It was my body anticipating something bad happening/reliving bad things happening like a haunted house.
Make sure to be kind to yourself right now. You deserve it. Wishing you the best IW.
Same to you WF, Happy holidays
I haven't read that book but it seems that this is exactly what is happening. I will check it out. Once I started going through all the repressed trauma it's like Pandoras Box opened. It is getting better, it just takes a lot of time. A lot.
IW, thanks for updating. Keep on keeping on! One suggestion, maybe look at my signature and add one of your own? This will help the rest of us remember when your BD was, and what the state of things are.
Take care of yourself, try and get the rest you need. I recently started taking a low dose of Melatonin to help me sleep through the night. We all have to do what we need to in order to make sure we have the basics of biological existence covered (eat, sleep, exercise).
Any GAL activities planned for this week?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Time goes on. One would not see change in my situation in the short term, but if I look long term I see very slow improvement. It has been well over 3 years, halfway to 4 since things went off the rails.
I don't have much to say about S because I don't need to know what's going on and honestly i am.tired of thinking about it. Interactions are cordial but reading any meaning into this is a fools errand.
PTSD continues to be my challenge at the moment. Ic says my entire childhood could be considered a massive traumatic event. Couple that with the military ptsd and it can get overwhelming. I take some supplement to even my spinning thoughts after the nightmares, it seems to keep me even. It does blunt some of the good feelings but that's part of it I suppose.
I am seeing my family of origin Rs in a new light and realizing that rarely could I count on them for support. After a lot of work with ic I have realized I took it upon myself to try to keep that dysfunctional unit going for almost 4 decades. Wow. Now I know why I am so tired.
Pulling back from everyone and everything to take a good hard look at my life has been interesting experience. It is sometimes a lonely place, but I have tried to embrace the alone moments and realize that individuals are responsible for their own lives and that nobody can live your life for you.
Other than that life goes on. I hope you are all well. Remember to take it one day at a time
Are you still in IHS? I'm not sure what to say about your latest update other than it's good to hear from you and there are a lot of folks here wishing you the best.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
IW, I was hoping to hear from you that the increased IC sessions were having an impact on your PTSD. I have a family member that suffers from it and he really embraces the 1 day at a time attitude that you seem to have embraced as well. So keep up the good work there.
Remember life is 10% what happens to us (out of our control because of the free-will of other people) and 90% what our attitude towards it is. So keep doing what you are doing to cope, mainly working with your IC. Also, have you ever been evaluated by a psychiatrist? That might be a good next step. Brain chemistry is a strange beast.
I see you saying you are doing a lot of alone time. I am not opposed to alone time at all, but I worry that maybe you are over doing that? Maybe it is time to start spreading your wings and meeting new people that can be positives in your life. I don't know if you are religious at all, but I certainly couldn't imagine going through tough times without God's word, prayer, and my church family. I do not mean to preach but only to provide what has worked for me.
I do think that at this point, 3 years after BD, you have to start reexamining things and start to evaluate what you can do differently to move forward. I am not even sure what I am suggesting with this, but at some point you have to decide if the state of things currently are still working for you and if you need to change things up. Life is so short I would hate to see you stuck in one state for a long time.
Pulling for you IW!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Are you still in IHS? I'm not sure what to say about your latest update other than it's good to hear from you and there are a lot of folks here wishing you the best.
Hi BL - yes. It was very awkward at first but as time went on and calmed, things got more comfortable. Detachment helps a lot with this. Also the awareness that you cannot control anyone other than yourself. I had no desire to leave, so why would I?
If there were real life OP this would not be ideal, but as far as I'm aware there has not been.
Thanks for your well wishes. Hope you are well too
Originally Posted by SteveLW
IW, I was hoping to hear from you that the increased IC sessions were having an impact on your PTSD. I have a family member that suffers from it and he really embraces the 1 day at a time attitude that you seem to have embraced as well. So keep up the good work there.
Remember life is 10% what happens to us (out of our control because of the free-will of other people) and 90% what our attitude towards it is. So keep doing what you are doing to cope, mainly working with your IC. Also, have you ever been evaluated by a psychiatrist? That might be a good next step. Brain chemistry is a strange beast.
I see you saying you are doing a lot of alone time. I am not opposed to alone time at all, but I worry that maybe you are over doing that? Maybe it is time to start spreading your wings and meeting new people that can be positives in your life. I don't know if you are religious at all, but I certainly couldn't imagine going through tough times without God's word, prayer, and my church family. I do not mean to preach but only to provide what has worked for me.
I do think that at this point, 3 years after BD, you have to start reexamining things and start to evaluate what you can do differently to move forward. I am not even sure what I am suggesting with this, but at some point you have to decide if the state of things currently are still working for you and if you need to change things up. Life is so short I would hate to see you stuck in one state for a long time.
Pulling for you IW!
Hi Steve good to hear from you. IC has helped me enormously. Finances mean IC sessions are limited to once a mo th but I do what I can. A psychiatrist is out of my means ATM so I keep up IC
Yes your family member is right about one day at a time. That's how we live our lives anyway - we don't know what tomorrow will bring and yesterday already happened.
Part of my ptsd is related to religious happenings when I was a kid. Some abuse happened when I was in a church group, and I'm not really comfortable talking about it here. Needless to say it's been something I am working on with IC. That is not to say any bad things about others choices or beliefs. But religious groups are a big trigger for me and the trust issues that shattered are not things that pass overnight.
It will be alright, Steve. I thank you for your concern If I was no longer comfortable in my situation I would leave. I'm under no illusions about where I am or what is happening, but nothing is holding me back from doing the things I always wanted to do in my life. There is still zero desire for finding OP. Maybe that changes in a decade or whatever but that time has not come yet.
Thanks man, I appreciate you checking in. Hope you are well too
