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My X and I alternate everything every other year except Xmas eve and Xmas day. She always had the kids xmas eve. They did the mass and dinner and opened gifts that evening. Santa showed up while they were at mass. She would drop the kids off at my house at 9AM. Santa left gifts at my house as well. We would open gifts in the morning and have dinner 2pm ish.

I guess my point is some things do not have to alternate. Some things can be done without being together. Figure out what works best for the two of you and your kids.




"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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ScottB Offline OP
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Thanks folks. I'll work on that email. You've given me some good ideas.

I'm thinking of going with this.

"I believe it is important for our kids to see your parents, so yes, I have no problem with them going at a later date.

If you would prefer wrapping the gifts I am fine with that. I will put the presents in the garage for you to grab tomorrow once the kids have been dropped off at school.

What you presented for Christmas and Christmas Eve is perfectly fine. Letís attend the 3pm mass. That will make it easier to get dinner on at a decent hour.

I thought we determined Christmas would be over here back when we discussed separating. If you feel different let me know your thoughts on what you would propose."

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Scott,

Looks good!


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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Agree with Joe.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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ScottB Offline OP
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Thanks folks.

So the appraiser came through our home today and my wife came over to make sure there wasnít any funny business (Iím keeping the house and have to by her out so she wants the price high as possible).

We walked through noting all the improvements and when we were done I mentioned some structural concerns that she had pointed out for years. When I brought that up she shot me a gaze that said she wanted me dead. I simply donít understand her anger. I havenít done anything, this is all her. It doesnít make sense at all, itís ridiculous.

Itís confusing. Iíve given her every thing over the years. She stayed at home and could do anything she wanted, I donít understand where this anger comes from.

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Tonight I brushed My daughters cheek in bed and it was wet. It was dark so I asked her if she was crying and she said yes. I asked why and she said she didnít know.

Do I bring this up to my STBXW? Iím not sure whether or not she recognizes the impact this is having on the kids. It feels like itís worth a conversation; it could also just be me looking to guilt trip her. Thoughts?

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I wouldnít Scotty, itís a guilt trip. She will just get more mad at you, what do you hope to achieve by telling her?


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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Agree with OnlyBent.



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First, who cares about her anger. Until you stop being her mood ring you'll continue to spin. The fact that she shot you the look is proof she knows she still wields power over her.

As far as your daughter, telling your STBXW will do no good. She knew she'd be hurting you and devastating her kids by doing what she did. She came to grips with that a longtime ago. If you mention it to her indifference to it will simply cause you more anxiety. If she believes you at all. She obviously doesn't even trust you when it comes to the house appraisal. She had to "come to make sure there wasnít any funny business"?!?

Scott you seriously need to study the Last Resort Technique and go full bore with it.


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Steve - Iíve read it a good bit, but Iíll reread it. I just canít understand doing this to your own kids. I just canít understand. I canít get myself into a mindset where I would inflict this much emotional confusion and pain on my kids. I just canít understand.

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