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#2910527 12/15/20 03:20 PM
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Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2910567 12/15/20 07:11 PM
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Well you've been quite the busy Xmas elf, haven't you???

I have the week after Xmas off, and so far my plans all revolve around organizing the house. It's amazing what you notice when you're home more!

DnJ #2910638 12/16/20 02:18 AM
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Hello

Andrew - Lol. You bet! Gotta keep the smoke inside.

kml - Yes, Iíve been pretty busy. Things are going well. Iíve been organizing too.


I got S22ís car battery swapped out. Took two hours. The battery is easy enough to see - but to get it out: Had to figure out how to open the hatchback with no battery power. That required folding the seats downs, removing the hatchback area floor, removing the under floor storage container, then pulling a wee latch on the mechanism and pushing the hatchback skyward. Then extracting myself from the rear of the car, which was pretty funny since the side door closed while I was contorted in the back end of the car.

With the hatchback opened and floor and storage container removed the battery is clearly visible. As well as the next few items that are in the way of lifting the battery out of the tight space. A module for the breaker system. A bracket that mounts that module to the floor. The protective cover over the positive battery terminal and connections. The vent for the main drive battery bank. The vent for the 12V battery. The hold down clamp for the 12V battery. The positive bus connector. The battery cables. And some other cables.

Removed all that stuff, and hoped Iíd remember where it all fit. smile To lift the battery out there is just no room for two hands or to position myself very well. So I had to reach around with my right hand and just pinch it from above and lift it out. Gave my Vulcan nerve pinch grip a work out. Lol.

The new battery was the right one. Thankfully. Installed it and successfully replaced all the pieces. I was cold and fingers were somewhat raw from the cold and wind.

The car started and ran fine. I even took the old Prius out for a spin.

I returned the keys to thankful son. He did come out at lunch time and chatted a bit (he is working from home). Mom called him and is looking to see what everyone is doing for Christmas. She is trying to figure out how to see the kids or have them visit her. S22 told me she has plans to drop off her gifts to S23 soon, so I think S23 has told her he is not coming over

I asked S22 if he wanted to see his Mom. He said no. He told her he will not be visiting her. He did suggest using video call, like Zoom, Google Meets, etc. But, Mom doesnít want too. She wants to use the phone.

That is kind of funny. For years now XW has been texting and snapping and tweeting and whatever all the kids do nowadays. smile She was even into video texts and calls. But now she wants to use the phone. One to one, voice only. She went all old fashion.

Interestingly Mom brought up (with S22, not with me, she hasnít spoken to me for years, aside from a few very small talk bits at graduation) S22ís inheritance. It matures January 1st. Mom was asking if he wanted it or if he wanted her to invest it. He told her he wants it. She agreed to release the funds in January. Iím pretty sure she will not submit the income tax properly - again. Oh well. Her bill.

I picked up some groceries and returned home for 5:00pm.

At the grocery store I found some bacon flavoured potato chips. Yippee! I do hope they taste good. Iím going to try them tonight while relaxing and watching a movie.

Mmmmmm. Bacon.

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2910678 12/16/20 02:57 PM
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DnJ, it must take a certain amount of dedication to have 20 threads here!!! (and to link all of them lol!)

What movie did you watch? smile


BD: Sep 2019
D in progress
DnJ #2910795 12/17/20 02:46 PM
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Good Morning wooba

Looking back at twenty threads is strange. Itís been quite a journey, both brief and long, at the same time.

I started linking my previous threads when I started thread number two. I didnít post that link with title text, just the hyperlink. Of course my life was a big mess. I had trouble just getting out of bed, never mind figuring out HTML syntax. Lol

You did hit the nail on the head - dedication. In all I do, I look forward and to the future. I still live today, and yet plan for tomorrow. Itís repeatability at its core. My strategies and efforts, if correct, need not change through time. They do change due to outside factors, yet the core principles remain and hold true.

For example, the formatting, labelling, organizing, and such, of the pictures on my website was created with the ideals of looking forward. Kidsí girlfriends/boyfriends, deaths, births, weddings, etc, all fit in the structure. Itís the same for finances. Even my divorce was handled easily within my accounting and record keeping practices - handled by me was a different story. smile Although, my emotions, thoughts, and beliefs, were crafted, created, and strengthened with the long view in mind. So maybe not so different.

I suppose I keep linking my previous threads as a realization. My past creates my future. Choices have benefits and consequences. I look upon those twenty thread titles, and all that has happened within them, and realize all the choices. I have very few choices I need to go back on and correct. My headings were crafted with looking forward in mind. Kindness, compassion, forgiveness - and the choices that allowed me to get there.

And there were some difficult choices to make. Letting go - of XW, fear, ego. Embracing my new life. Living it fully. Sword and shield, and the realizations that I am creating my reality.

I ended up watching Serenity. I made it half way through the move, and the bag of bacon chips, and realized I was going to fall asleep on the couch. So, off to bed. I finished the move and the chips last night. Lol.

Iíve got the gifts organized and packed into individual boxes for delivery. This morning I am delivering the presents for D18 & BF, S20, and S22 & GF. After I need to give a blood sample for my periodic testing.

Tomorrow I am planning on taking the presents for S23 & GF out to them. Apparently there a storm is forecast so I may have to postpone that trip a day or two.

Grandma has a graduation picture ornament for D18 - like all the other kids had. As such grandma needs a picture of D18 in her cap and gown to place inside the frame. This required me going through the pictures. Wow. So many memories!

Since I was digging round I decided to look down memory lane for a bit - I did invest a few hours into the endeavour. There is a definite decline or change in W for about 6 months before BD. She had so many selfies and poises of ďherĒ. Not her kids, or family, or dogs, just herself from armís length with the camera tilted so the picture is all slanted. Just like a teenage girl.

Our last vacation pictures have her performing stunts or feats of the daredevil type. Walking out on a horizontal limb from a tree growing at the side of beach. The limb rising upward and W like 15 feet off the ground. I remember her being angry at me for saying ďGet down from there, you;re going break your legĒ. Lol. Itís actually really funny, since I photographic evidence of son performing through same stunt two days later and me giving him the same warning. Of course he was 17 at the time; she was 46 going on 18.

The duality of her existence is pretty apparent when looking back. I reread some rather confusing texts and emails from her - whichever ďherĒ was typing at the time. However, back then I didnít realize all this was going down.

And she was crazy skinny. Well, still is. It was not hard to feel for this poor lost soul. I even wondered and postulated when OM and her ďstartedĒ seeing each other in this time line captured in photos. I was not hurt, nor crying, nor angry. Acceptance - it is what it is. Of course, acceptance is much much deeper than that, and not, both at the same time.

I ran across many of old emails. Advice from here that I wrote to myself. Advice from my friends. Those choices I made, arose from that advice. Looking back fate was smiling upon me; both that I was presented with wise counsel and that I would listen. I pass on one such piece (modified slightly):

10 Rules

1. It's too soon to tell:

It's too soon to tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing. If it's forever over or just a temporary split. You are just at the start of a process. Don't judge it or you or him/her too harshly. Don't analyze and awfulize this every minute of every day. It's too soon to tell what it all means and how it all ends.


2. Be the hero/heroine of your life story, not the victim of it.

That's up to you. No one can make you a victim without your permission. You don't need her/him to be the villain and you the victim. That doesn't help anyone, especially your children.


3. This person will always be the mother/father of your children.

Your children need to hear you speak kindly and lovingly of their mom/dad. If you need to bash her/him and vent, do so when they are not around. They share her/his DNA. They don't want to feel they, too, are the bad guys.


4. Appoint yourself CEO of your joy.

It is no one else's job to make you happy. Period. Maybe she/he did for a while, maybe she/he never did. Doesn't matter. It's up to you to build a life of joy no matter what life hands you. See it through the eyes of gratitude. You can survive without her/him. You can't survive without you.


5. Create a 9-1-1 list of people to help.

Put their names and cell phone numbers on an index card you carry with you at all times. Ask them to be "on-call" to lend you an ear, a shoulder, a tissue, an old plate to break in an empty parking lot, the number for a good attorney. Create your own support Dream Team of the most positive people you know.


6. No playing bad home movies.

It's tempting to drift back in time and replay all the times she/he hurt you or loved you like crazy, which can make you feel crazy now. Stay present. Stay put in this day.


7. Pray for the serenity to accept the things you can't change.

If she/he had an affair, you can't change that. If she/he is in love with someone else, you can't change that. If she/he can't be talked out of the divorce, you can't change that. Acceptance means you align yourself with what is, and start from there.


8. Breathe.

Just pause and breathe. Take a deep breath and count slowly to six. Exhale slowly as you count to six. The slower you breathe, the more you will feel calm. Breathe in the love of God; breathe out the love of God. There is a place of peace inside of you - find it. It is there. It's like the centerpiece in the snow globe. She/he shook your snow globe and all the pieces went flying, except for the core of you. No one - no one - has the power to shake that.


9. Nothing you want is upstream.

I love that line. Stop struggling. Stop swimming against the current. Stop forcing yourself on life and insisting it change. Turn and go with the flow. A God who loves you is in charge of this flow. Trust where the current is taking you. It's somewhere better. Trust me. Better yet, trust you.


10. The best is yet to come.

As good as she/he was, you deserve better. You deserve the best. If this relationship is truly over, then she/he must not have been the best. She/he was a dress rehearsal. Maybe she/he was a great appetizer or the salad course. But she/he wasn't the main dish. And she/he sure wasn't the dessert. The next relationship will be even more life enriching and life affirming. Tell the Universe, "I am ready for my perfect good." Include your children in that perfect good. Keep your heart wide open and be ready for it to fill up with even greater love.



Looking back on twenty threads, Iíve done pretty good.

Have a wonderful day.

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2910849 12/17/20 05:48 PM
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Originally Posted by DnJ
I ended up watching Serenity. I made it half way through the move, and the bag of bacon chips, and realized I was going to fall asleep on the couch. So, off to bed. I finished the move and the chips last night. Lol.
That's a fabulous movie. I've watched it several times. I did have a problem when I found out that Joss Whedon was a cheating jerk but my daughter counseled me to separate the creator from the created.

Originally Posted by DnJ
Our last vacation pictures have her performing stunts or feats of the daredevil type.
Funny - mine became more risk averse. I recall on our last anniversary - perhaps just before she and OM started seeing each other "as friends" - she refused to go on a little roller coaster. Normally I'm the one who avoids those but in this case she wouldn't go even though I was game.

Originally Posted by DnJ
6. No playing bad home movies.

It's tempting to drift back in time and replay all the times she/he hurt you or loved you like crazy, which can make you feel crazy now. Stay present. Stay put in this day.
This one is tough. We've talked a few times about the choices we make in our own realities - what we choose to believe and takes a certain mind-set and a lot of time to be able to look back and not have the view be serverely painful.

Originally Posted by DnJ
9. Nothing you want is upstream.

I love that line. Stop struggling. Stop swimming against the current. Stop forcing yourself on life and insisting it change. Turn and go with the flow. A God who loves you is in charge of this flow. Trust where the current is taking you. It's somewhere better. Trust me. Better yet, trust you.
Not sure I agree with this, but you are more of an optimist than I ever will be. And a man of stronger faith.

I do agree that there is no going back - no magical mulligan or do-over which I think quite a few of us came here looking for. The only direction is forward.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
DnJ #2910853 12/17/20 06:11 PM
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Hi DnJ. Thank you for sharing. Reading those 10 Rules was much needed. I might even print them out.

Bacon Chips; will you buy again? I'm a Salt N vinegar girl myself, with Sour Cream & onion as a close second. wink


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
DnJ #2910878 12/17/20 07:07 PM
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"I swallowed a bug"

DnJ #2910895 12/17/20 09:19 PM
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Hello

Back from delivering presents. D18, BF, S20, S22, GF all delivered. Blood taken. (yuck, I hate needles, darn stabbing pokey things, I need all my blood, you canít have any smile still get all queasy when needles are poked in my arm). Tomorrow S23 and GFís presents. Mom and Dad live here in town so thatís an quick trip.

The gal who cleans my house was here today. We had a nice little chat and she appreciated the gift I had set out for her. I came back to a clean house and a gift from her to me.

Itís +1C right now. What a day for the middle of December. Quite remarkable. Iím really enjoying the unseasonably warm weather.

Andrew, yes that is a fabulous movie. I also really like the series - Firefly. It was far too short, only two seasons.

Looking back at our history and memories is natural and perfectly normal. Itís at the start of our paths that we tend to be dragged into the past uncontrollably. We detach and heal, and eventually those memories are not painful anymore.

I still recall how much pain came from even the good and happy memories. Not a place I wanted to exist in. And you are correct, it takes time to find our way.

I am inferring your disagreement regarding swimming upstream pertains to God and following His path. Faith requires a level of letting go, realizing what one can control - themselves, and what is beyond their control.

Whether it is Godís will, a destined fate, or the interactions with those around us, the outcome is beyond our control. There is a flow of events, and when one pushes against that flow it causes strife. Some stress is proper and needed; change is a stressful time. Just got to know what we can change and what we cannot.

Swimming upstream, insisting that oneís life returns back to normal - oh we so got to stop fighting the current. As you well know, the only direction is forward.

ďNothing you want is upstream.Ē

Such a simple and wise statement.

At first, what I wanted was upstream. Absolutely! Funny thing is - I donít want that anymore. I do not want W. That gal, the person she was (or is) needs to change. I donít want the ďher of the pastĒ, that lead her and I to here. You know all that betrayal, lying, cheating, divorce, etc. If, and that is a big if, XW changes, perhaps then.

Nothing I truly want is upstream.


Can, I am glad you find those rules helpful. Are there any particular ones that especially resonate with you?

Will I buy bacon chips again? You know, I was asking myself that very question. Iím not sure. They were pretty good. Mmmmm, salt n vinegar. You and I would get along just fine. I also like ketchup, ripple, dill pickle, sour cream and onion, bbq, ... lol. Ok, there ainít many flavours I donít like.

You know what I got a craving for right now - Hickory sticks. And pretzels.


Originally Posted by kml
"I swallowed a bug"

Great line!

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2910930 12/18/20 12:09 AM
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Originally Posted by DnJ
Andrew, yes that is a fabulous movie. I also really like the series - Firefly. It was far too short, only two seasons.
I really liked in S2E5 how Wash's dinosaurs turned out to be alliance spies in disguise whistle

Originally Posted by DnJ
I am inferring your disagreement regarding swimming upstream pertains to God and following His path. Faith requires a level of letting go, realizing what one can control - themselves, and what is beyond their control.
It's more your optimism that if you trust in fate that things turn out well. Something that I wish I had but lack.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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