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A Message from Michele
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Re: My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 7 [Re: ovrrnbw] #2910449
12/14/20 07:58 PM
12/14/20 07:58 PM
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Colorado
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Thornton Offline
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Congrats, Ovr! I'm happy for you and your family!

Re: My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 7 [Re: ovrrnbw] #2910454
12/14/20 08:55 PM
12/14/20 08:55 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
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Mumin Offline
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Congrats ovr!!
Thanks for all your input on my sitch!


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Re: My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 7 [Re: BluWave] #2910460
12/14/20 09:13 PM
12/14/20 09:13 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,606
Missouruh
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ovrrnbw Offline OP
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ovrrnbw  Offline OP
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Missouruh
Originally Posted by BluWave
Wow, now that’s an update!!! Congratulations on your growing relationship with W and on your new family in the making. What a blessing!

Now I think you know that I have 3 Ds (22, 16 and 10 yo). My number one rule with parenting advice is “dont give unsolicited parenting advice. Ever.” Why? Because just like in M, the more you know the more you realize what you don’t know! It is an ever changing process, esp as the become teens and adults.

But since you asked ..... I will :-))) My girls could not possibly be any different — in their personalities, their interest and who they are deep in their cores. I do not believe their similarities or their differences are attributed to their genders. In fact I think that’s one of the biggest mistakes we as parents, and as a culture, make the moment children are born. We assume that because someone is born with a particular s3x organ that they should be loved a certain way and that they prefer certain things, and we project that onto them. That boys will like blue, hunting and that we value them being strong or athletic. That girls will like pink, and dolls and are valued for being gentle or kind.

I would challenge you, and any parent, to take all of these preconceived stereotypes and chuck them all in the trash. Gender is only one of many parts to who we are as people. Get to know, love and cherish this little human for who they are. Watch, listen and learn first. Dont assume anything and challenge your own biases. As you get to know them, accept them for who they really are. That is what love truly is. Similar to how we love our S — for who they are, not for how we wish them to be. Parenting is not about bringing out the best in your child, its creating a place in the world so that they can safely be the best version of themselves.

You will be a wonderful dad!
Blu

My W is a girly girl who followed your line of thinking. She helped her dad fix stuff, is a greater shooter, went hunting with her dad, played softball at a high level, worked her butt off on our venue doing all the manual labor with the men. But she still has a degree in fashion, loves design, and can totally embrace her feminine side. I really like that confidence to be comfortable in your own skin. That's what I want for my child. W's sister is 75% opposite of my W. Grew up in the same house though.

I compare it to my upbringing. I was raised in suburbia, I enjoy some parts of the big city and some parts of rural life. I'd see guys trying to be the most country and just laugh. The country guys all laugh and make fun of some of the things I like but that's A OK with me. I like drinking wine and eating well and being well read. But I still like boats, hunting, and building gigantic fires. I'm perfectly fine with enjoying the parts that are suited to me and not worried about conformity if I don't like it.

Also, when I was coaching I really did learn how different kids can be and it is pretty fascinating. I'm really pumped up for kids of my own.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Re: My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 7 [Re: ovrrnbw] #2910473
12/14/20 10:29 PM
12/14/20 10:29 PM
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ovrrnbw,

Congratulations! Parenthood is HARD...but well worth it! They always say you'll never know how much you could love someone until you have a child, and it's true. There's a bond from the day they're born which gets stronger with every passing year. I can't believe my son is getting closer to 6 and my daughter is already 2. Enjoy every moment!


Me:39 W:36
M:7 T: 9
S:5 D:2
BD/IHS/Suspect OM: 2/15/20
Discovered EA & PA: 3/5/20
W/OM1's work & OM1's W know: 5/20
W moves out: 6/20-7/20
W w/OM2: 6/20-7/20
W files for D: 7/20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Re: My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 7 [Re: ovrrnbw] #2910483
12/15/20 12:28 AM
12/15/20 12:28 AM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 410
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wayfarer Offline
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Oh congrats ovr! I'm so happy to hear this. I'd suggest purchasing and reading Babyproofing Your Marriage: How to Laugh More and Argue Less. I wasn't exactly able to use it as I had D18 very young and my exH was a dumpster fire of a human, but my happily married friends who did things in the "right" order swear by it. I also strongly, strongly suggest you buy W What to Expect When Your Expecting and absolutely do not let her near the internet unless it's the website that goes along with that book. The internet is a rabbit hole of anxiety inducing medical anomalies that will send her and probably you down a dark well of worry that isn't good for anybody especially baby.

Parenthood is one of the hardest and most rewarding things I've ever done in my life.

Re: My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 7 [Re: ovrrnbw] #2910501
12/15/20 10:12 AM
12/15/20 10:12 AM
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OnlyBent Offline
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Congrats ovrrnbw, I don't think I've ever commented on your thread, but I did read them all start to finish recently. I am glad to hear things are working out for you, parenthood is amazing. I am sure with everything you have been through you are going to do great!


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"If you don't create a beautiful future, your brain will do one for you and it's not good"
Re: My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 7 [Re: ovrrnbw] #2910522
12/15/20 02:42 PM
12/15/20 02:42 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 6,312
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LH19 Online
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OB,

Congrats! Being a dad is the greatest honor in the world!


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 7 [Re: ovrrnbw] #2910523
12/15/20 02:45 PM
12/15/20 02:45 PM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,110
San Antonio, Texas
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joejoe1 Offline
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Ovr,

Congrats to the both of you on the new addition.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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