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Congrats, Ovr! I'm happy for you and your family!

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Congrats ovr!!
Thanks for all your input on my sitch!


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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ovrrnbw Offline OP
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Originally Posted by BluWave
Wow, now that’s an update!!! Congratulations on your growing relationship with W and on your new family in the making. What a blessing!

Now I think you know that I have 3 Ds (22, 16 and 10 yo). My number one rule with parenting advice is “dont give unsolicited parenting advice. Ever.” Why? Because just like in M, the more you know the more you realize what you don’t know! It is an ever changing process, esp as the become teens and adults.

But since you asked ..... I will :-))) My girls could not possibly be any different — in their personalities, their interest and who they are deep in their cores. I do not believe their similarities or their differences are attributed to their genders. In fact I think that’s one of the biggest mistakes we as parents, and as a culture, make the moment children are born. We assume that because someone is born with a particular s3x organ that they should be loved a certain way and that they prefer certain things, and we project that onto them. That boys will like blue, hunting and that we value them being strong or athletic. That girls will like pink, and dolls and are valued for being gentle or kind.

I would challenge you, and any parent, to take all of these preconceived stereotypes and chuck them all in the trash. Gender is only one of many parts to who we are as people. Get to know, love and cherish this little human for who they are. Watch, listen and learn first. Dont assume anything and challenge your own biases. As you get to know them, accept them for who they really are. That is what love truly is. Similar to how we love our S — for who they are, not for how we wish them to be. Parenting is not about bringing out the best in your child, its creating a place in the world so that they can safely be the best version of themselves.

You will be a wonderful dad!
Blu

My W is a girly girl who followed your line of thinking. She helped her dad fix stuff, is a greater shooter, went hunting with her dad, played softball at a high level, worked her butt off on our venue doing all the manual labor with the men. But she still has a degree in fashion, loves design, and can totally embrace her feminine side. I really like that confidence to be comfortable in your own skin. That's what I want for my child. W's sister is 75% opposite of my W. Grew up in the same house though.

I compare it to my upbringing. I was raised in suburbia, I enjoy some parts of the big city and some parts of rural life. I'd see guys trying to be the most country and just laugh. The country guys all laugh and make fun of some of the things I like but that's A OK with me. I like drinking wine and eating well and being well read. But I still like boats, hunting, and building gigantic fires. I'm perfectly fine with enjoying the parts that are suited to me and not worried about conformity if I don't like it.

Also, when I was coaching I really did learn how different kids can be and it is pretty fascinating. I'm really pumped up for kids of my own.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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ovrrnbw,

Congratulations! Parenthood is HARD...but well worth it! They always say you'll never know how much you could love someone until you have a child, and it's true. There's a bond from the day they're born which gets stronger with every passing year. I can't believe my son is getting closer to 6 and my daughter is already 2. Enjoy every moment!


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Oh congrats ovr! I'm so happy to hear this. I'd suggest purchasing and reading Babyproofing Your Marriage: How to Laugh More and Argue Less. I wasn't exactly able to use it as I had D18 very young and my exH was a dumpster fire of a human, but my happily married friends who did things in the "right" order swear by it. I also strongly, strongly suggest you buy W What to Expect When Your Expecting and absolutely do not let her near the internet unless it's the website that goes along with that book. The internet is a rabbit hole of anxiety inducing medical anomalies that will send her and probably you down a dark well of worry that isn't good for anybody especially baby.

Parenthood is one of the hardest and most rewarding things I've ever done in my life.

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Congrats ovrrnbw, I don't think I've ever commented on your thread, but I did read them all start to finish recently. I am glad to hear things are working out for you, parenthood is amazing. I am sure with everything you have been through you are going to do great!


Me: 41 W:42
T: 14 M: 11
S: 6

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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OB,

Congrats! Being a dad is the greatest honor in the world!

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Ovr,

Congrats to the both of you on the new addition.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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ovrrnbw Offline OP
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OK update time here.

I don't have much to say. We still fight and backtrack on progress but it hasn't been anything we haven't gotten through.

I think W has been a biabia once she got in the 3rd trimester - not always just more often.

Her parents have annoying in the way that an overly enmeshed family can be. Oh well, this is the woman I married. My goal is to learn to manage it better.

I added the Four Agreements to the book list. I really enjoyed it. A lot of good stuff there and it is easy to read.

Anyways, business is good, summer is here and my baby will be here soon as well. I'm ready for that. I need a buddy for my adventures and someone to cut my grass. smile

I haven't been sleeping well the last 2 weeks and this is pissing me off but I probably ought to try. Minimal effort has not been achieved yet. I think I am more concerned with doing my fun stuff like playing a game or working out first and sleeping is still secondary.

Also, we haven't had sex in months. It is weird typing that but I think I need feedback on this. I've been kinda apathetic towards sex in this R because "it's boring". And by boring I mean that we don't do anything too crazy and I have never been with only one partner this long. Excuses... I know. So if I don't write it out it is easier to ignore. This needs work but the baby is almost here too.

Should I move my thread to piecing?


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Yay ovr! I've been waiting for this.

With a baby coming the family thing is only going to get worse before it gets better. But in the early months it's a blessing. Neither of you will sleep, eat or function independently without the permission of your bouncing baby boss. With extra hands all of that gets a little easier. And it can be smothering but you often have to remind yourself that it's a balance. It doesn't feel particularly smothering when you get to take a nap and wake up when you please vs when you are told you're getting up NOW by a squalling, demanding roommate. As the baby gets older or as you guys add more to the team W should (but we'll see) have a stronger desire to be the matriarch of her own brood and not want to constantly be around everybody else all the time. And over stepping grandparents usually get shut down eventually.

You guys both should probably read Babyproofing your Marriage and maybe give a glance to The Book You Wish Your Parents Read.

As for the seggsy time thing. I and my close friends were of the hormonal flavor that drove our drives sky high. So I don't really have personal anecdotes on that. But I do have a friend who I recently had to give some suggestions to about that kind of stuff as her H is rather vanilla and has a low drive. Communication is the main thing. But there has to be some acceptance on both sides. She will have to at some point be willing to discuss somethings you'd like to try and be wiling to try at least a couple. And you will have to accept that it may take years if ever that she'll want to bring something in that's fresh and new to the bedroom. And that her drive will likely never match yours. But all of that is kinda on the back burner given how soon the baby is coming. When the time comes I can probably come up with some articles you might want to look over and some things you might want to try but now isn't that time. And it probably won't be until at least 3 months after baby arrives. And trust me even you won't be thinking about seggsy time much, as the new addition will suck the energy out of the both of you for a little while while your new buddy adjusts to life on the outside.

I am curious though, have you guys talked at all about why your currently not having sex?

Yes move to piecing!! I'm heading over. I wanna update here just to bump my thread every once in a while but I'd really like to get things moving over on piecing.

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