Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 11 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 559
Likes: 1
Congratulations Pax! I recently watched the Chris Watts doco and felt the same way about my safety. Definitely trust your gut and stay safe.


chumplady.com
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,437
Likes: 12
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,437
Likes: 12
Originally Posted by Pax_luv
if you’re willing to go to these lengths... when will it end?? When I’m dead? When you destroy me in some other capacity?

I’m being serious. I think my story evolved way beyond MLC several years ago...


Yes, totally. You and me. Pax, it's so odd how similar our stories ended up being.

My in-laws also turned on me, though they would never offer documentation like yours. I almost found that more hurtful than my H's betrayal! How could my MIL give up 20 years of our family history and the ability to see her grandchildren?! (She won't see me and my S won't see her if she won't see me, though I offered.)

All the MLC stuff I was able to bear/accept/forgive/make peace with. But the stuff that happened during the divorce process, which started in year 5 of MLC, that stuff is what got me scared. It wasn't just that he wasn't like the man I married or that he didn't see things clearly or thought wrongly of me or our history. It was that he seemed to want me dead and that he was willing to do all kinds of crazy unethical stuff to ensure that I lost everything and/or was punished. Now I fear for my D11. I don't know what he is capable of anymore. He was abused in every way and I know that can often get passed to the next generation.

Recently I was talking to my stepfather and he told me that he and my mom always thought my H treated me poorly and didn't truly love me and that he gaslighted me. I mean long before the MLC began.

The problem is that my mom was diagnosed with her own cluster disorders and definitely had an MLC and was always accusing my dad of gaslighting her! She was totally crazy and very terrible to us in many ways and my stepdad doesn't realize maybe how deep that went. I think growing up in that household is my big wound that led me to think that what I had with my H was how all relationships were. But I do wish my mom was still here -- because I wish I could be kind to her now that I am more able to be, and because I wish I could hear more about what she thought she saw. (She died in 2016, and oh how awful it was to have my MLCer go with us on the trip to the funeral.)

It's hard to know the truth. I do always think that our love for our H's could have been the healing balm for them and us both. They chose to reject it. But it could have gone either way, and I don't regret any of my stand.

Last edited by Gerda; 10/12/20 02:03 AM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 760
Likes: 1
P
Pax_luv Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 760
Likes: 1
Hi friends,
Thank you so much for your comments and good wishes. While I’m not very interactive (I’m more of an observer), I have learned so much from each one of you and I’m so grateful for everyone who has chimed in on my threads over the last 5 years.

I have a feeling my ex isn’t going to fade into the night. Narcissism at its finest. Not until he feels he’s been victorious will he let me go. This I know.
I actually read through the draft judgment that his attorney wrote up and there were wayyyy too many holes. I’ve learned that I can leave nothing up to interpretation because he’s going to be actively looking for ways to discredit or poke holes in the agreement. I still expect him to sue me.

As mentioned, I’ve not shared many details in depth here out of protection.

Gerda- yes, to everything you’ve said. Being married to the guy was tough. I thought I had enough strength to endure those tough times/ his tough personality. He pushed everyone aside and selfishly I thought I could prove to him that I would be there for him, that he didn’t have to be so callous. <-Hahahah I laugh now.
I held my own for 4 years of the marriage before he threw me away like yesterday’s garbage. And then when I didn’t go away like he wanted, then everything hit the fan. My god it’s been a rough 5 years. I’m exhausted.

I’m also frustrated. I had so much hope for freedom and so much hope for stability, but I have to persevere for longer now. I’m so tired. I just know he’s not going to go away. I always ignore the pokes and never give him the satisfaction. Communication is very very sparse and when he’s nuts I don’t engage at all. Just ignore.

He’s done some things recently that has made my life more difficult and I’m frustrated that I have to redo things... I’m being vague there, but it’s just something I’m dealing with.


Finally, here’s a good laugh for you....
The beanie made it into the draft of the judgment.

You can’t make it up.


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
Just try to get it done and get out. Move to another town after it's done. Don't give him your new address. Just become the gray rock. Leave him in the rearview mirror!

Last edited by kml; 10/14/20 05:26 PM.
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 586
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 586
Pax, we're rooting for you here. There will be an end to all of this!


BD: Sep 2019
D in progress
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,654
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,654
Best wishes with what you are feeling with.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 760
Likes: 1
P
Pax_luv Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 760
Likes: 1
Hello DB friends,
Been a while since I popped in. Truth be told I still lurk from time to time but don’t have it in me to routinely post. I am tired. Covid fatigue is real.

I just remembered that it had been a year since the failed court-ordered mediation. I can’t believe how quick and slow the time goes. I remember finally feeling somewhat validated when the mediator was like “he’s such an a-h*le” yep... he used the full term too. Not the abbreviation I annotated. It was a moment of “whew, I’m not being unrealistic.”I needed that.

As I documented here, the rest of the trial journey was more of the same. I’ve officially been divorced since the end of September but we still don’t have anything submitted to the court. I’m soooo mad. I mean, did I really expect it to be any other way??

As part of the “settlement” we agreed that they would absorb the cost of completing the paperwork and getting it ready for signature. Welllllllllllll I’m still waiting. As suspected they keep adding in things that weren’t agreed upon. And while some of the items legally should be done now, as they were read into the record, the ex still isn’t complying. Such a leach.

Ahhhh I’m so tired. When will this be over? I mean I’ve been paying my lawyer for longer than I was married. This is insanity. Obviously I’m frustrated, but I do continue to have peace in my heart and I don’t take that for granted.

That’s all I got for now.
Warm holiday wishes to you all....


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,142
Likes: 5
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,142
Likes: 5
ugh Pax.... your sitch is never ending. Hang in there! I feel like good things are ahead for you!

Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 760
Likes: 1
P
Pax_luv Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 760
Likes: 1
Dang. Made a post and it got deleted. Must be a sign to keep my mouth shut. Haha

2021. WOW. What a year so far. I’m still feeling out of sorts as a results of the happenings this week.

I was going to share the latest updates in my sitch that have me frustrated but I’ll wait. Let’s just say the drama hasn’t ended yet.... and did we expect anything less from my ex?? Things got a little crazy trying to get him and his side to do the paperwork for the divorce. Surprise, he fired his attorney instead.

The final season of the Pax Divorce is soon to be over, but not without some good drama.

Wishing you all health and peace...


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
Wishing you a final divorce in 3021!

Page 7 of 11 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard