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Hi reason, im so sorry to hear that. I will pray for you


Me 32, W 24
T 6, M 3
No kids
BD: Aug 2020
OM: Jan 2021
Wife to file soon
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It's been a crazy rollercoaster. I have a new position. W is retiring from the Navy, and we've been "back together" for a few months. I have suspicions about her intentions and when I brought that up today, she tried dismissing it saying "that was so long ago" and numerous other things. When I told her it was less than a year and that we either needed to go to counseling or she should respect my boundaries, she said "well I guess we'll have to live together until we can figure something else out".

There's a lot going on and I feel like I still love her, but her idea of taking accountability is just saying "I f###ed up and it was a long time ago". She won't go to counseling with me.

I've been living my life. We've been having dates and spending time together. There is this thing in the back of my mind saying "she's just staying because it's safe". I don't know that I get a strong sense that she loves me. She says she doesn't remember some of the things I mentioned that happened, but she has been known to gaslight.

Last edited by reason; 10/07/21 11:51 AM. Reason: profanity edit
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Originally Posted by reason
It's been a crazy rollercoaster.
Sounds like it
Originally Posted by reason
I have a new position.

Crongrats!
Originally Posted by reason
I have suspicions about her intentions and when I brought that up today, she tried dismissing it saying "that was so long ago" and numerous other things.
More details help paint a better picture.
Originally Posted by reason
When I told her it was less than a year and that we either needed to go to counseling or she should respect my boundaries,
What are your boundaries?
Originally Posted by reason
she said "well I guess we'll have to live together until we can figure something else out".
Not a great response for you.
Originally Posted by reason
There's a lot going on and I feel like I still love her, but her idea of taking accountability is just saying "I f###ed up and it was a long time ago". She won't go to counseling with me.
Well you can't control her. What do you love about her? You don't paint a great picture.
Originally Posted by reason
I've been living my life. We've been having dates and spending time together. There is this thing in the back of my mind saying "she's just staying because it's safe".
Ahhh your gut is telling you something. I wonder if you are staying for the same reason reason? lol.
Originally Posted by reason
I don't know that I get a strong sense that she loves me. She says she doesn't remember some of the things I mentioned that happened, but she has been known to gaslight.
Selective memory is common in these parts of town.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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@LH19 -
I am trying to figure out if I'm seeing things that aren't there and I think the initial post was me venting. I have been doing full-time work in the day and full-time classes at night and honestly might just be burnt out in general. I need to find time to sit down and answer your questions very thoroughly because honest answers to those will probably tell me what I need to know. The current point of frustration for me is that she keeps dismissing the whole thing as "it happened a long time ago" and claims to not remember the months of hurtful interactions. She doesn't deny her infidelity but has taken a "we can't change the past" stance. She has brought up my infidelity from more than 10 years ago numerous times, almost as justification or an excuse.

Our youngest son has an upcoming heart procedure, so from that standpoint, "safe" feels necessary.

I think I have to consider my responses and what my boundaries really are because right now it feels like I have them and they're being trampled.. but without knowing them very well, I cannot fairly say that this is true. Thank you for the thoughtful and concise reply.

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Originally Posted by reason
I am trying to figure out if I'm seeing things that aren't there and I think the initial post was me venting.

No I think what you are seeing is real. It's just hard to see through your rose colored glasses, which is normal for a recent LBS.
Originally Posted by reason
I have been doing full-time work in the day and full-time classes at night and honestly might just be burnt out in general. I need to find time to sit down and answer your questions very thoroughly because honest answers to those will probably tell me what I need to know.
Honest answers will certainly help. Take your time.
Originally Posted by reason
The current point of frustration for me is that she keeps dismissing the whole thing as "it happened a long time ago" and claims to not remember the months of hurtful interactions.
This can't happen. I have a friend whos wife cheated 20 years ago. They never did counseling and her answer was "you need to get over it". Well surprise he has never gotten over it and has tons of resentment and is planning his D.
Originally Posted by reason
Our youngest son has an upcoming heart procedure, so from that standpoint, "safe" feels necessary.
This is what is most important. I hope it goes well.
Originally Posted by reason
Thank you for the thoughtful and concise reply.
No problem.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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