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A Message from Michele
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Joined: Jun 2019
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Originally Posted by Steve
Currently OM controls her.

She controls her.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

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Steve_ Offline OP
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Things went really good today. I had a really rough week turns out Iíve been taking testosterone therapy for a couple months for low T and the estrogen blocker I was on lowered my estridol to like almost unreadable. Thatís been causing me a lot of anxiety and stress and just feeling so bad 24/7.

Stbxw came and picked up the kids today. I didnít let her in my place though, ďshe laughed and said Iím not coming up donít worryĒ She told me she missed me and thinks about me all the time, asked if Iím doing okay if I need anything for the house if I need her to buy anything for the kids.

I just said no it would be silly to give you child support and have you pay it back. Iíll be alright.
We had a talk with the kids and I asked them to behave and not be bad to thier mom. My son has been raging at her and blaming her for being separated 100%. I told him not to do that and things happen in life we donít expect and itís not all his moms fault itís mine too. My 7 year old defiantly disagrees but needed to be said.
She was really happy with that. I started to back away and go to my place and she ran up and hugged me and smelled me, said your smelling good and looking great. I just kinda patted her on the back and just turned around and said ďsee you aroundĒ

I did not initiate any of that stuff it was all her. Itís hard to be a stone wall when I still have feelings for her but Iím sure in time it will be less and less emotional. Iím glad that at least this week I got my finger on that hormone imbalance having the doc call me was great it will help a lot. Gonna stay busy this week at work and go right back to NC.

Gotta remind myself sometimes that as ďniceĒ as she has been lately she still is banging some other dude. No need to act like things are all kosher, they arenít. Iíll get there.

Iíll check back in a few days. smile

Last edited by Steve_; 12/09/20 04:13 AM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW moved in with OM 10/15/20
WW left OM 01/20/2021.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
OM returned 5/4/2021
WW Left OM again 6/1
WW spinning-current
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 480
Steve_ Offline OP
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That didnít last long. I donít know what to do now.

My son has been lashing out at her, and at OM. He says he tried to make me and mom fight so we talk.
He told me that ďhe thinks OM is using mom to babysit kidsĒ

She blamed all this on me. She told me ďIím never coming back to youĒ and she told my son that too.
It crushed him.

I have never once said anything bad or wrong to my son. I never told him to go over there and do this and now she is blaming me. And said she is never coming back. That destroyed me. I know it destroyed him.

I donít even know how to handle that. I tried to talk to her, explain he is just upset, she wonít listen. She blames me


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW moved in with OM 10/15/20
WW left OM 01/20/2021.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
OM returned 5/4/2021
WW Left OM again 6/1
WW spinning-current
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,748
Colorado
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Originally Posted by Steve_
And said she is never coming back. That destroyed me.


Do you want her back, Steve?

Are you wanting to sign up to be cheated on 6 times?

Joined: Aug 2017
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Steve,

You have/need to get out of the way. Stop intervening. Stop inputting yourself. What makes you think she's going to believe anything you have to say. She won't. Get out of the way. She will always use you as a source of everything going wrong in her life. The only way that stops if you get out of her way and allow her to feels what's its like without you being a part of her life.

You didn't have to call her to explain what your son did. Her relationship with ya'll on is for her to figure out. Not for you to fix.

Originally Posted by Steve_
I donít even know how to handle that. I tried to talk to her, explain he is just upset, she wonít listen. She blames me


She most likely knows he's upset. She doesn't need you to explain that to her. DETACH!!!!! Reread Sandi rules. And utilize AS detachment with love.

Joejoe01


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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Originally Posted by Steve_
That didnít last long. I donít know what to do now.

My son has been lashing out at her, and at OM. He says he tried to make me and mom fight so we talk.
He told me that ďhe thinks OM is using mom to babysit kidsĒ

She blamed all this on me. She told me ďIím never coming back to youĒ and she told my son that too.
It crushed him.

I have never once said anything bad or wrong to my son. I never told him to go over there and do this and now she is blaming me. And said she is never coming back. That destroyed me. I know it destroyed him.

I donít even know how to handle that. I tried to talk to her, explain he is just upset, she wonít listen. She blames me


NEWSFLASH: The WAS will blame the LBS for...........EVERYTHING!! The kids, their own unhappiness, the weather, why groceries are expensive, frogs being slimy.

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT SHE THINKS.

When she starts blaming you walk away. Hang up. End the texting back. Do not accept disrespect from her. EVER.

Steve_, how is IC going? Please tell me you are going regularly.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Jan 2020
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Long over due Steve.
Email only communication. Remove yourself as joe said.

What happens when S is with her is not your responsibility and frankly none of your business.
Tell her that over email and block her phone.

Last edited by Mumin; 12/11/20 05:57 PM.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Originally Posted by Mumin
Long over due Steve.
Email only communication. Remove yourself as joe said.

What happens when S is with her is not your responsibility and frankly none of your business.
Tell her that over email and block her phone.


Yep. Steve_ your pain will continue until you decide to put an end to it.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 480
Steve_ Offline OP
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Had a heart to heart with WW.

She said she doesnít want me texting her anymore and getting all emotional about my sitch, that I need to accept that she is moved on. I told her my reason was that she has been telling me otherwise and telling me that she isnít sure. She even cancelled the divorce appointment the other day. Now after this fight regarding my son she said Iím sorry. I shouldnít have been playing with your emotions too. She apologized and asked if we can just delete the texts back and forth and I agreed said it was a good idea to just stick to the kids from now on.

I should not have let it come to this where she had to push me away. But sheís pushing me away. I should have been man enough to cut her off a long time ago but I felt I needed to nice her back. I all I did was make it easier for her to dig deeper into life with OM without feeling any loss. It was stupid. At least Iím used to the loss now. And itís settled. No more games. Not sure if this M can be saved, guess it will depend on how her feelings change or donít. There is nothing anymore I can do. Probably never was, at least the cycle of up and down will be over for both of us.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW moved in with OM 10/15/20
WW left OM 01/20/2021.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
OM returned 5/4/2021
WW Left OM again 6/1
WW spinning-current
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 6,673
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Posts: 6,673
Steve,

I think for once sheís being honest with you. Until you can find a way to become strong and independent I really think you are going to struggle Steve. I hope you continue with your IC appointments.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
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