Reposting my last post: Read this elsewhere about infidelity and it really describes my ex. We lived in a wealthy part of town, but he resented the people there who were more wealthy than us (we were just working doctor wealthy, not trust fund baby wealthy):
“The New York Times had an interesting article on a researcher of happiness. One of the traits of unhappy people is that they compare their lives to others a lot. If you need a reason for why he did this, midlife crisis, or whatever — I think a simpler explanation was he wasn’t a content person. He played compare and contrast and thought he could have more, at your expense. That’s not on you. That’s on him, his shitty character and inability to appreciate“
Just saw a post on a certain site about chumps by an old poster here (must be her, how many people have their husband divorce them while they are recovering from encephalitis and still not in their right mind?). Hoping she comes by to say hi. Was glad to see she's still around.
Well, yesterday afternoon my son calls me in a panic because there’s water dripping from the ceiling of our family room. He shuts off the water to the house for me, and this morning, after a lot of puzzling about, the plumber finds the pinhole leak in the hot water line that caused it.
I’ll need a guy to fix the damp drywall and the hole they had to cut out to fix it, but overall it could have been much worse. The leak was brand new, stopped quickly, no mold issues, and the repairs, while not cheap, are well under my deductible for my insurance - before I saw the damage I was afraid I might have to cough up the whole $5200 deductible. Instead, the total should be less than $1500 I think.
So grateful my son noticed it and it didn’t happen in the evening, when it might have gone unnoticed until morning.
glad that was relatively manageable. i just had to have my front stairs and side stairs re-done. neither were to code. the reason i've fallen no less than 4-5 times in that each tread is a different height, all well above the code maximum and to make matters worse, treads were too narrow and at an angle, forming essentially a ramp. As soon as water hit them, I would hydroplane. The last time I fell I thought I'd broken something. My son literally had to peel me off the step and it took over a month for the massive purple bruise to dissipate. Grateful I had the money for the repairs but holy moly, I could have used that for something else. And before anyone says drag the builder back - No. He screwed it up in the first place, so I place no dependence on it being done correctly. Not to mention my dad was literally in the ground less than 48 hours when the b@st@rd called me and wanted to buy my parents house. Side stairs especially have gone from 4 to 6 treads, with railings on either side, so my mother should easily be able to manage them. I popped for trex so I would not have to maintain anything.
Kml, you are a constant inspiration to me because you just get $h!t done. It lets me know that just because I'm a single woman doesn't mean I will always be taken advantage of in certain matters - like house repairs, or car stuff, especially. In my marriage there were certain areas of specialization, if you will. Exh took care of the house stuff and the cars. My lessons have been expensive, but I think I've learned them well, and don't tend to make the same mistakes twice, thankfully.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
My ex did the house stuff too (although I worked with him in our remodels). He was the “expert” because he grew up in a construction family. During post-Dday stuff we had a doorknob on our front door that was broke. Old style no replacements avail. He did nothing about it. I realized the matching doorknob on the garage side door would match, took it off and replaced it in the front door. That was empowering.
Ex was also the “musician in the family” because he could play a dozen Neil young songs on acoustic guitar. After he left and I learned to play percussion I toured and played opening act in bills with famous headliners. I imagine him green with envy.
well, I should clarify: the major remodels and designs were all mine. he is an engineer, but not that kind of an engineer - cannot visualize remodel or construction - not even from a plan, which is strange to me, but whatevs ...
He worked as a construction apprentice, so is very handy when it comes to repairs, though, and he and my dad would tinker with cars all the time.
he is also an amazing guitarist, but wouldn't change the key in a song to match my range - couldn't understand that just because I can hit the high note in the Ave Maria does not mean I can hit that note in a rock song as well - different styles. Thought I was lying about my 3 1/2 octave range, or something. I dunno. I prefer to not think about it as it only makes me sad. Glad I'm out. Who needs to live like that?
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
the song was can't find my way home. I can sing it in Winwood's key, but it doesn't sound as good as in the same key as Bonnie Riatt's version (see youtube, with Lowell George sitting in) ...
That little exercise in togetherness brought many tears and weeks of my vocal teacher working to re-build my confidence. Geez.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Reposting my last post: Read this elsewhere about infidelity and it really describes my ex. We lived in a wealthy part of town, but he resented the people there who were more wealthy than us (we were just working doctor wealthy, not trust fund baby wealthy):
“The New York Times had an interesting article on a researcher of happiness. One of the traits of unhappy people is that they compare their lives to others a lot. If you need a reason for why he did this, midlife crisis, or whatever — I think a simpler explanation was he wasn’t a content person. He played compare and contrast and thought he could have more, at your expense. That’s not on you. That’s on him, his shitty character and inability to appreciate“
This post really made me think of my X. I like the part that says, "That's not on you". Sometimes I have flashes of self doubt and I have to stop myself. What he did is on him. And I wonder if he's happy. Sure, he might be at the moment, but being a person that's always looking for better, he may never be. And that's on him too.
Glad to here you leak wasn't too costly. I had a leak happen in D4 room, 2 years ago, that was from our A/C, that needed 1/4 of her ceiling replaced. If I can fix something, I try it myself, but this was beyond my line of work. Luckily my handy neighbor came to the rescue.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
