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Im gonna disagree with Mumin. If you need to write about her do it. If you need to write about your feelings do it. If you need to vent here do it.

But also please write about your progress.

Listen to Sandi, shes flat out money.

Steve your happiness is tied up and into someone else. Thats not ok. Find your happiness in yourself. Be happy by yourself. Find your self respect.


Me: 37
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(((Steve))). You did not cause this. Your WAW is a serial cheater and was never yours... it was just your turn. Drop the rope. Save yourself.


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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Originally Posted by Steve_
Steve85, he is a psychiatrist, we sit here and he dx's people with mental health disorders all day, thats why i asked him we are in the office doing telepsych confrences with schizophrenics, multiple personality disorders, psychotic disorders etc. It just helped me to understand the nature of the beast. Im not saying it helps me to rebuild my life at all.

Will do mumin.


You missed the point. Mental dx require the person be evaluated BY THE DOCTOR THEMSELVES. Further, even if she is NPD.....it changes nothing you should be doing!!

Last edited by Steve85; 12/04/20 11:32 AM.

M(52), W(53),D(17)
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Originally Posted by Steve85
.....it changes nothing you should be doing!!

This was my intended point as well. No babbling about her will help YOU Steve.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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So today was a good day. Kicking butt at work, being a great nurse, tons of people that love and support me.

Had my sister in law call. She said hey I know its hard but I want you to know I talked to WW other day. Dude she is miserable, everything OM promised is BS. He makes her work for everything, he makes her pay her own bills, she lied and said he pays for this and that but he doesnt. His W is giving him full custody of his 2 older kids and now my sister has to watch 4 kids 24/7. She is so unhappy and depressed. She said she still loves you but hesitated to say she loves him. She kept your pic that you sent her of the weight loss. She saved it. It was in her camera roll. She is staying with him because he keeps telling her that he wouldnt have divorced unless it was for her she is not happy, she will leave him soon or be miserable forever. She told me Im a great man and and good dad. Told me that her sister is considering not speaking to me cause it makes her think about me too much.

So at this point distancing myself is a good thing. Sure it doesnt mean that she wont get stuck with OM but that isnt my problem. Ive been doing great at work, my kids constantly ask to be with me, and Im looking great. The only thing I need to really work on is to detach. Its hard seeing her in this pain but its her choice.

Signed up for classes to get into the emergency room for fun and new experiences. Things are going good actually. I dont feel like a total loss anymore. Its nice

Last edited by Steve_; 12/06/20 05:35 AM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Steve, every person on this board is going to ask you 'so what?' and tell you to move on. And they are right. But I am curious what you are going to do with this information? Because in my mind (and in my situation) you can use this information in two ways:

1. Get sucked into the drama and codependency, think you may have a chance, try for the 5th (6th, 7th, 10th?) time to get her back

OR

2. Use this to fuel you to the next level of detachment, she made this bed, she made this choice, let HER suffer the consequences.

You are a great person. A good man. So worthy of so much more than being Plan B.

It is somewhat cruel, though I am sure well-intentioned, of your SIL to share these details with you. She has her sister's best interest in mind. But she doesn't have your best interest in mind. Only you can do that. Choose number 2.

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Oh yes Im going #2

I just felt really good when I learned that shes been lying about how happy she is. How great everything is. I felt like I lost everything and she gained everything. Im beginning to see that I didnt really loose anything at all. My WW is the one who messed up and lost it all. What she is getting is not worth what she had and all of us see it.

I get the benefit of starting over new, it hurts now but eventually Ill be okay. I actually feel sad for her to be so stuck in her mistake. I do feel a bit better that I dont have to live that way I get to have my freedom, I get to spend time with just my kids and take my time to rebuild a life that I want to have, this D may end up being the best thing that ever happened to me and I just cant see it yet.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Be prepared, Steve.

This is how my sitch played out as well. My Ex would come back weeping and begging me to forgive her. She would tell me about all her therapy she went to and all the self help books she read. Being a codependent, I would fall for it and rescue her. We would get back together and have great sex for about 3 months and then fall back into old patterns, and she would leave again.

Dont trust a word out of that womans mouth.

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Hi Steve,

Congratulations on going no-contact Dec 3rd thru 5th. Three days, I believe that's your longest streak! Unlike your ultimatums, this is the first sign you're beginning to detach and her backup plan will slip away soon.

I hope you heard what you needed, "It's not all good over there." I'm sure the truth lies between the flowery account she told you and the venting account she told her sister.

Regarding the sister-in-law, I would encourage shutting down conversations like this in the future as they will generally hurt your detachment. You heard what you needed to hear. Now, let go. This doesn't mean you can't talk to your sister-in-law. This just means to shut down any conversations concerning your ex.



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Yeah thats a good point. I didnt bring it up the sister did. Both of them want her to come back to me and not stay with OM. But its not like I got control of that. Currently OM controls her.

I am just going to keep up with NC and do what I need to do for me. Thats the only way to go forward. There is nothing else to do now. I cant stop this. Nothing I say or do will change her mind. All I can do is worth about me now. Whatever god intends for me and my kids is what will happen. Im done fighting for someone that destroyed our life.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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