Ok I knew something was up today because she was nice and almost normal. I told her that. The discussion she wants with the kids is we both agree, it’s a mutual decision.
I then say let’s talk about asset division. She says, oh, I don’t know isn’t that premature etc. But wants to know why an Ira I had before we met wasn’t part of the division, and why I didn’t want to give her part of my pension (40k per year)
She works 24 hours a week, and can make 100k this year. She says, no lie, do you know how hard I would have to work to make that? I told her I would file for alimony, she was like what!!
I worked 50 plus hours a week, then commuted 15 hours plus got the kids up, fed them took them to the bus and was up at work before you even got out of bed.
Btw, I also told her jewelry, like the wedding and engagement rings were property that could be divided. She got real weird, llike why would she want them.
I also busted on her confidant she acts like it’s normal that a woman asks another man about her husband.
I broke DB rules and asked her plans, where she would live etc. Answer I don’t I haven’t given it a lot of thought.
BS there’s a plan. And before anyone jumps me, she only has access to her own account which has 50 k in it,
Oh yeah, no boyfriend, I’m crazy.
I can’t remember what it was but she told me I should do something, yeah, I’ll do the 180, you do not have anyone else’s best interests in mind.
1. Get a lawyer appointment ASAP 2. Don’t have any more of these property division conversations until step 1 is done 3. Talk to the lawyer about custody and what you want and how to achieve it 4. Do not lie to your children. She wants you to lie for her because she has guilt over what she is doing. That’s not your problem. Your kids will resent you later on if they realise you lied.
Lawyers lined up. I actually started asset conversation to see what she wants, like would she agree to ia quick settlement . No W wants what she can get. Huge procrastinator and not very organized so I waiting for her to initiate. She made comment that I might not be fair because she really isn’t being fair to me.
D17 in a month so custody should not be an issue. So kids should Be told this is all moms doing? W seems to really want the team approach.
Oh, no OM, but I found a card in her bag last week (blank) professing true love.
I did ask this. When D17 graduates, the family walks out together. I don’t want om there. She agreed, because there is no other om.
It’s crazy dealing with her because she has no compassion is very emotionless with me
So here’s the thing your children are definitely old enough for the truth. Before telling them I think you should ask yourself why you’re telling them it’s all moms doing. Before you do it you better make sure your side of the street is clean. I get the sense from you that you may be controlling.
As far as no compassion and empathy for you. It’s par for the course. She’s “in love” with OM. She’s not in love with you anymore and just sees you as an obstacle to get what she wants to “be happy”.
The loss of control and instability is what causes the LBS to go into fight or flight mode and do desperate things like beg, plead, try to manipulate to regain a sense of control.
This is the time to look inward and work on the root cause of why you are controlling. Control comes from fear and what you fear you attract. It’s time to open the cage door and let her go. Understand what you can control (you) and what you cannot (other people). Learn the difference between boundaries and ultimatums.
Remember that the person who cares about a relationship the least is in control. For a while that will be a bitter pill to swallow.
Time and space are the only thing that turns these around long term.
Nick, I do not want to gloss over the impact of this on your kids. Have you read DB/DR? Michelle talks about the impact, even though she was an adult, that her parent's divorce had on her. It is the reason she got into the MC business!
I know you know this, but your kids will wonder what this means for holidays and other joint occasions (birth of grandkids, birthday parties, etc.). My W has had to deal with this stuff her whole life because of her D'd parents. Sometimes she is torn between the two of them because each expects things to be their way. Be sensitive to your kids' plight through all of this. My experience with my W has been that they will be dealing with this long after you both have moved on.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
