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A Message from Michele
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Joined: Mar 2020
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Things I believe you could have done better

#1. Blocked her on Snapchat. You didnít need to tell her to stop. You could have made her stop without saying a word. I would go thru all social media and block her if you truly want it to stop.

#2. When she asked about a dinner plate, radio silence would have been sufficient. I understand you got to see your son, but IMO all she did was disrespect you, and show you, her with your guys son and the OM. She wasnít being caring or concern or sweet. She was rubbing it in your face you were alone and she wasnít.

#3. I can assure you they donít care about how the family and friends look at them. If anything theyíll use to to bring themselves closer together and say it us against the world. No one accepts us even though we are truly happy now. Etc etc etc.

Please start the process of NC. You should only break it in emergency cases. And this wasnít one of those cases. It doesnít matter what karma does. You shouldnít find your happiness in their pain or awkward encounters. And I donít know how much the OM feels threatened you left the door open for her. From your past choices itís obvious the door is open. But she choose him. Sheís with him. She spent thanksgiving with him. You arenít a threat. She just wants to make herself feel better for her choices.

Iím sorry you had a rough thanksgiving. Todayís a new day. Start the process or NC and start GAL now! Youíll feel better for you. And youíll find your happiness without her.


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
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Yeah I did block her on snapchat, before I deleted the app. She was texting me those videos on my phone. I messed up yesterday for sure in some ways, I could have done better. The dinner plate was because my son wanted to bring it, that's why i allowed it. He was sad and wanted to see me. But its back to NC, im taking this one day at a time. Each day gets a little easier.

Last edited by Steve_; 11/27/20 05:59 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Jan 2020
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Great post Joseph.
Though really Steve, the below quotes should take all of you focus.
"My son was sad all day long because I wasn't there."
"My son doesn't want to sleep in the bed there anymore he told her he wants to stay on the couch with her."

That means on your own time you make sure YOU feel good and have sufficient resources to have a good life with your kids. And while you have time with your kids you focus on them, show them love, have a good time, go to the woods, hug them and let them talk if they need it.
Her? Really? Who gives a d@mn. You cant control any of it anyway.
I would suggest email only from now on.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
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Yeah I do, I donít have much right now but we do a lot together. I guess it was sort of pointless to post that here, I guess I just felt validated by the series of events that unfolded yesterday. For me it was positive that she is making stupid choices and everyone sees it too. I donít expect it to change anything shes decided that she wants that but I was nice to now that most of her family reached out and apologized for what she is doing. I donít expect anything to really be any different from here on out. Thatís why I was sort of happy I think I just sort of accepted this is the way it is now. She brought dude to our family thing so thatís that. And I donít have to feel like itís my fault at all. Everyone says it isnít. Even the mistakes I made didnít justify this. And that feels good to hear from the family.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2015
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I pray she doesnít come back anytime soon. It would be the worst thing to happen to you and your family quite honestly. Sheís sick in the head. I pray she never comes back, and you get the help you need to gain the strength to not want her back anymore

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Steve_ Offline OP
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I am not super worried about that Ginger. I donít think she will be back. It seems like given every golden opportunity she has stayed with this guy. Totally destroyed everything for him and he did the same for her so they will have those reasons to continue on. Thatís something that I had to accept yesterday. Bringing OM to thanksgiving really showed her true colors. All that crap about being on the fence was crap. And if she is willing to bring him like he is family I really doubt she is coming back.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,722
Likes: 7
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Hypothetical situation. He dumps her tomorrow and she comes running back? What would you do? Donít tell me itís not likely to happen. Letís say it actually does happen. What would would you do?

Because what you would do shouldnít be dependent on whether or not she is or isnít coming back. She does not call the shots. You do.

So what would it be ?

Joined: May 2019
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Steve, that kind of talk. Bringing OM showed her true colors? That's just your emotions talking. Multiple affairs should have shown her true colors. You have a lot of reading and working on yourself to do, right now you are often acting and saying things on emotions. Read about the stoic mindset and do it for you, forget about her like everyone else says.

And did she seriously say this

Quote
"oh, you were trying to keep a safe place for me and the kids to go if things got bad or I wanted out, damn im an idiot"


and you reply

Quote
"yeah, but its not like he could step to me anyways"


Did you just basically cement the fact that you are her plan B should she decide to leave him whenever she feels like it as well as insulting OM? That is going to make you look insecure. A real alpha wouldn't make statements like that.


Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,966
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Hypothetical situation. He dumps her tomorrow and she comes running back? What would you do? Donít tell me itís not likely to happen. Letís say it actually does happen. What would would you do?

Because what you would do shouldnít be dependent on whether or not she is or isnít coming back. She does not call the shots. You do.

So what would it be ?


Steve, Ginger is spot on here. If she were to come back tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now or a year from now, you have to have a plan. She should not be allowed to waltz back in.

Have criteria. Have work she must do. Have stipulations and requirements. Be an alpha and realize your own value.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
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Steve_ Offline OP
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So her sister called me. She knows her best in the world. Interesting talk with her. Turns out the whole thing was exactly as I had thought. Her sister told me she calls her crying all the time that OM has done a few things to make her mad and she has considered leaving already but he cries and begs. OM says he loves her so much and WW says she loves him too but she will leave and doesnít care if it works out or not. He also has given her all the power already. The sister doesnít like him for her, the whole family doesnít like him and they are all like wow, he is controlling her and sheís not even close to the same person. They said those two are 1000% different. This doesnít seem like the exit affair this seems like a typical affair that required a divorce and one she thought she can just reverse like the others. I felt I should have told her that the entire time but she definitely knows it. Not a single family member thinks it will work out for her with him they are completely different and sheís doing things for him she never liked doing like staying at home, giving up her job, and cooking meals 3x a day for 3-5 kids. That is completely not her personality at all. He left his W cause she was gullible and not so smart and he likes my WW because she is. This dude doesnít know it but he just threw a woman he could control and command in the garbage for one that is wild and doesnít care. Who knows maybe they will work things out and be great for each other. But he has already got massive NGS and fear of losing her. Crying and begging her to stay after only a month? Living together? Yikes. Sheís gonna destroy this guy too. If he gives her any reason or ever stands up for himself sheís gone. That really made me see that she really didnít change at all. I was worried she would move on to some happy new life and already itís not going as smooth as she thought. You guys are 100% right! I need to turn and run before she figures it out haha


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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