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wooba Offline OP
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Kml- yes, I meant spousal support, thanks:)
Cardinal- thank you! My boys are great when they’re not trying to kill each other! Haha.

Not much to update. Work continues to pick up. A lady on our team is Ieaving soon so I will be taking some of her workload. I’m thinking if it’s possible for me to work and at the same time work forwards a masters degree online. Is it worth it? Will it help with climbing the corporate ladder? Dunno. I’m not sure if I even want to climb that ladder. There is so little time, so much to do.

Going to work gave me another perspective- I think about how exh never prioritized spending time with the kids. Eating dinner together, helping them with hw, nothing. When I feel now everyday after work is, I don’t get enough time with them! I make it a point to eat dinner and breakfast with them. And I truly am thankful that I was able to spend so much time with the kids when they were still babies. SAHM was a tough job, but it was also such a privilege.

I told L not to worry about getting me more $, I rather sign ASAP. Hopefully we can set a date soon to conclude this whole circus.


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Wooba, I can speak to the value of getting an earlier resolution (and the emotional consequences of being unable to do so). Sounds like a good plan.

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Wooba, you are killing it. It is so inspirational to read your progression. I am just a bit behind you, but identify so much with what you are experiencing.

I particularly identify with this sentiment:

Originally Posted by wooba
Going to work gave me another perspective- I think about how exh never prioritized spending time with the kids. Eating dinner together, helping them with hw, nothing. When I feel now everyday after work is, I don’t get enough time with them! I make it a point to eat dinner and breakfast with them. And I truly am thankful that I was able to spend so much time with the kids when they were still babies. SAHM was a tough job, but it was also such a privilege.


Although H and I worked together in our business, I was the de facto 'primary parent' and was able to prioritize the kids over work when needed. Parenting was WAY more work than working. But I would never have traded away those moments for anything.

Keep it up, girl.

xx
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wooba Offline OP
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Sage, it’s really their loss to miss out on all the wonderful times. In my boys’ school, we have parent group chats to keep up with school activities/volunteer work/important announcements for each grade and all the parents would join. Few weeks ago I sent exH an invite to the groups (3 kids, 3 groups!!) and he straight out ignored it. So much for wanting to “discuss important issues concerning the children on a regular basis” (his words when he drafted the d papers). Such hypocrisy.

He’s always railing at the kids about getting good grades, preparing for college (eldest is in 1st yr of middle school), how he knows so much about what they should be doing (e.g. creating an app, invent a robot) but I can count the times he’s helped them with school work with one hand.

When we were together, I really tried so hard to mother, care, tame, and rehabilitate this broken beast. I ended up overlooking so many things that were so obvious. It was all him. The hypocrisy, passive-aggressiveness, emotional outbursts....they were all part of who he really was. Maybe they stemmed from his past trauma, maybe they were also unwanted by him, but they were all him. But I didn’t see it that way then. I saw the goodness in him, and treated the other parts as some ephemeral thing that will eventually pass.

Of course all those things are still there. But not my circus, not my monkeys.


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Good Morning wooba

Yes, it is truly H’s loss. These people in crisis, so many missed years and events, which they will never get back in their pursuit of their own lost times.

My XW became the kids’ Mom in name only. And that is becoming lower case, and smaller and smaller print. Such a loss and waste. Such a troubled, tormented, and lost soul she is. Those with hurting and hidden trauma(s) of the past, sometimes loose the plot in a very major way. My goodness, from the women she was to present day is astounding.

You tried so hard to care, tame, and rehabilitate the broken beast. Do forgive instead.

It is definitely not your circus nor your monkeys.

You are asking the good questions of self. And finding such good answers. It is ok to remember H’s better self, his past light, while recognizing the change within him. I’m very proud of you. (((Hug)))

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Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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wooba Offline OP
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Oh my, it's been awhile my friends!

My workload has shot up exponentially as expected. Being the most junior in my group, I am left doing a lot of the not so glamorous grunt work. It is not mentally challenging, but it is definitely pushing me to get to know the in and outs of the company in a ground-level kind of way. my supervisor is a very nice lady who's kind of a workaholic. She's been giving me some insider pov on the interrelationships of the major players in the company. Lately I find myself thinking, what is my end goal here? Taking the job started out as having a means to an end - I need the financial security. Now that I'm here, what's next? It will take some time to figure out, I am only not even three months in anyway. But I find that to be an important question. I can feel that it's easy to get lost in work itself.....complete the next project, hit the next quarter's goal...I would like to continue to practice self-awareness and keep myself tethered to what I believe in.

Nothing new with ExH. According to his L, he's been really busy and hasn't had time to deal with the divorce agreement. We had finally reached an agreement early this month (which is me giving up getting more $ and just saying FINE WHATEVER LET'S JUST END THIS) and I was hoping that we'd be done by end of March. Now it looks like that's not happening. But something surprising happened few days ago - he sent me money for this month without me asking! That's a first!

Anyways. I'm staying NC. It's been nice having my life back.


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Great update wooba! Sounds like you're making a very positive impression at the company with your work ethic and attitude. Your supervisor obviously trusts you in order to confide in you about company politics. Is the job in a field you'd like to pursue long-term?


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All sounds terrific, Wooba! Sounds like the job is going well and I think it is really really smart to go into this with a pledge to keep practicing self-awareness and what your overarching goals are. Maybe set some taking-stock time on your calendar now for three months or six months from now so that you can be sure to check in with yourself as things get busier and busier.

How are the boys?


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
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Happy to see your update, and it sounds like what you are going through at work means they have a lot of faith and trust in what you can do and who you are as a person/employee, so even if it feels like a bit of grunt work, I am guessing it will lead you to getting the 'more fun stuff' soon! And glad you are feeling good about having your life back. Sending positive vibes your way that the D process won't drag out too much longer. That period of limbo can be so hard (and has been for you I know), so it's good to see that you are just going with the flow and focusing on your personal goals. This too shall pass...sending positive vibes your way!

El


Me 52, H 56
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (19 and 21)
BD: Fall 2020
D finalized: July 2022
XH Married AP soon after D day.



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Happy to see your update, and it sounds like what you are going through at work means they have a lot of faith and trust in what you can do and who you are as a person/employee, so even if it feels like a bit of grunt work, I am guessing it will lead you to getting the 'more fun stuff' soon! And glad you are feeling good about having your life back. Sending positive vibes your way that the D process won't drag out too much longer. That period of limbo can be so hard (and has been for you I know), so it's good to see that you are just going with the flow and focusing on your personal goals. This too shall pass...sending positive vibes your way!

El


Me 52, H 56
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (19 and 21)
BD: Fall 2020
D finalized: July 2022
XH Married AP soon after D day.



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