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wooba Offline OP
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The next 30 days will be a whirlwind for me. I anticipate that I will receive my official offer next week. Today they told me they want me to start in 30 days. That means I will have to pack, move, figure out the kids situation, get my sh*t together all before that. (I’m downsizing to move closer to the kids’ school so they can walk home from school)

Needless to say, I feel a little stressed. Not as stressed as right after BD, so maybe I should be thankful that because of H I feel like I can take on anything after that. Lol!! We are still in D negotiations and I really want to yell at him for being so freakin stingy with the child support. Ugh!!

However, I do still feel very blessed. My friend happened to be moving out of her rental, and I will be taking over it. 2020 has been crazy. My H wants to divorce me, I started my own company, I got a new job, and now I’m moving to a new house. What in the world!!!! I’m no Christian but I do thank whoever that’s up there for looking out for me. Because sometimes it sure feels that way.


BD: Sep 2019
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Serendipity is an amazing thing. It's hard not to believe that things unfold exactly as they should when it all falls perfectly into place. I'm so excited for you. And I'm rooting for you!

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wooba Offline OP
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Merry Christmas to all my DBers!

Every year this time I wonder if it's the last year my eldest believes in Santa, but S12 still didn't say anything this year! I think he definitely suspects somethings is off. Maybe he is just holding off from revealing the truth to continue to receive presents? Who knows!

ExH (I've decided to address him as ExH starting now, although we are not officially divorced yet but it's about time) is moving all his big items out of the house next Monday. I'm getting the keys back. we're another step close to cutting more ties!

My new place is a lot smaller than our current place. like less than half the size. I am really trying to channel my inner minimalist right now with the move, and it is sooo hard!!

Anyways, thinking of all of you here. Enjoy the holidays!


BD: Sep 2019
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DnJ Offline
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Merry Christmas wooba

I hope S12 never losses his belief in Santa. I’m 53 and I still believe. Ok, not in an actual person, in the spirit of Christmas. Santa is real, he is expressed with the good and giving that people emote and demonstrate this time of year.

Some grow up and stop believing. Some grow up and grow their beliefs into something rather than someone.

Happy holidays my friend.

Best wishes for the upcoming move.

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Merry Christmas, wooba! I always love the challenges presented by a new space, the settling in period and figuring out what you need and what you actually don't need. I'm excited for you.


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Hi Wooba,

Merry Christmas! Congrats on the apartment. Have you moved in already? My advice-- be ruthless when deciding what to take and what to toss or give away. And something that helps my kids let go of things they don't really need is imagining the next child getting joy out of whatever it is. And finally, if it you find yourself starting to get sentimental and wanting to hold onto more stuff than you really need, take a break and come back to it with a clean slate later on. I love imagining you and the boys in this beautiful, sunlit, space of your OWN while you kick @ss with your new job and handling it all like a boss.

xx M


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
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wooba Offline OP
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The move is complete!!! It is astounding how much sh1t we had at our old place. I honestly think I threw away 2 rooms full of junk. I am by no means close to being a minimalist, but I’ve always aspired to be one since I saw the Netflix documentary last year. I keep thinking about how our physical possessions weigh us down. If you can’t even clear out the junk in your physical world, how do you expect to free yourself from the emotional entanglements?

Moving is stressful, but what a great opportunity for me to toss out all the things that no longer serve me any purpose.

Yesterday I asked H to take the boys for almost the whole day so I could do some unpacking in peace. When it was time for me to pick them up, I called numerous times and there was no answer. After waiting for close to 20mins, I had to ask the apartment at the front desk to let me up. I went up and knocked on his door. The kids opened up the door, and I was like “what’s going on?? Why aren’t you guys downstairs??” The kids said that they try to wake exH up but he was asleep. ExH then walked out of his bedroom groggily. I said wth? I called like 10 times!! After we got home, he called me and tried to explain that the kids had his phone and they didn’t bother telling him that I was calling because they were playing games on his phone. My gut tells me that he was drunk. My kids told me they tried to wake him. Ugh I haven’t open that can of worms yet.....asking the kids whether dad is drinking a lot. Anyway, I’m just glad that they were fine.


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Moving is stressful, but what a great opportunity for me to toss out all the things that no longer serve me any purpose.


I feel the same way every time I move! When I moved into my current house after the divorce, I lived alone with just a bed, dining table, beach chair and TV for a while (I needed to paint and recarpet and didn’t want to buy furniture only to have to move it around). It was so zen and peaceful! Now I have a household of four and rooms full of stuff. I’m going to finish purging and organizing my bedroom closet today. I’ll never be a true minimalist but I can definitely see how things weigh you down.

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Good Morning wooba

Ugh, indeed. That particular can of worms will need to be opened. Having Dad unable to be woken up is not a great situation when he is looking after the children. Of course, you can only control you.

Open the can of worms and peak inside. No need to have them spill out all over your new home. Just a look. No violently shake the can - then all you got is wiggling worms everywhere to clean up. Metaphorical speaking. smile

Gently inquire as to what the kids were doing/playing. How often and how they tried to wake Dad.

Perhaps the kids require there own cell phone to be able to call you, and for you to call them. I know, how wild is that? Your kids will have a cell phone because you know they will answer. When one’s children are more responsible than their parent, it displays just how much a hold the crisis has on our (ex)spouse. Depression and addiction are powerful.

The kids are fine. And you will figure out what to do going forward.

Congratulations on getting moved, and tossing out two rooms of superfluous stuff. It is neat, how cleaning the physical world allows one to clean their emotional world as well.

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Congratulations on taking great steps forward. New job, new place, new year, new wooba!

It's so empowering to rid yourself of unwanted junk or things that belong to others or with negative memories attached. You can then be more deliberate with your belongings and pick special things that spark joy. I think I have more items in my house than I did when I was married, but it doesn't feel like more, if that makes sense. Everything has a purpose and a function, even if it's simply to be beautiful.

Sorry about the boys' dad. He sounds like a mess.


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