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Originally Posted by Mumin


I still have love for her though, but I am not sure its the right kind of love and I am sure that love will diminish over time.



My brother asked me when I am getting Tinder. I said I dont want it right now.




The top line sums up why you should avoid dating !

Its a quick fix.. something i say time and time again - look at Wolfman !

Learn and work on you - that way, you will be cautious and aware of the little red flags, you probably ignored.

There are a lot of broken people on dating sites.

You ( and so many other ) LPS spouses here, who actually stick around and read, don't realise how lucky they are.. If they read these posts, and learn the patterns ( how many sitchs are so similar ) you can impove your own mental awareness when you are ready.

I'll say it again - there are a LOT of broken people on dating sites... You need to be in a mentally strong place where you can see past the big boobs, pretty face and cheesy come ons, to see the red flags lurking..

This isnt meant with disrespect, but look at the content of Kit Cats posts.. Lots of ups and downs - not over ex husband - and now shes dating... or look at what happened to Wolfman !!!

Its about wising up and learning.. and seeing what you ignored first time around.

I had a date with a girl a few months back - stunning, lovelly and i fancied the pants off her - But less than an hour in and id discovered she was married 3 times ??? - the last guy was 8 months - They got married after 6 months, and lasted 8 months. She told me they had seperated 3 weeks before.. And she had reported 2 of the 3 husbands for domestic abuse - Yet she was out on a date 3 weeks after kicking husband 3 out !!! - You can imagine how quick i drank that drink and made a quick exit - 10 years ago, i would have been thinking, hmm shes stunning, who cares about 3 exs...

Back in February i dated the best looking mum in the school - She is / was a compulsive liar.. 2 dates in and i was thinking, run run run - everything she said was BS.. 10 years ago i got burnt by ignoring lall the WW's lies..

Live and learn. think smart and not with whats in your pants !



Last edited by MrBrside; 11/16/20 06:04 PM.

Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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Tanks MrB for that!

Popping by cuz I finished ‘love must be tough’.
Everyone who is early in in a sitch, read this book ASAP!
Hate divorce even more now.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Your brother's heart is in the right place. He hates seeing you hurt so he is trying to find a way to help stop your hurting. This is why I tell LBSs to be careful about advice from friends and family. They have one goal, to see your pain ended. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts through this stuff, just like Mr. B said. It would be a temporary fix. I like to say it is putting the cart before the horse. The right sequence is to get through the pain, get whole yourself, then get out there and date. The other way around is filled with pitfalls.

Mr. B I also love what you said about this: "There are a lot of broken people on dating sites." Especially on Tinder! What person that is a catch and knows their own self-worth goes to a place like Tinder? ROFL "Hey I have nothing to offer except some fun parts....oh and I am only interested in your fun parts too!" Give me a break.

Mumin, keep up the good work. You've got this.


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M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Thanks for stopping by Steve!
You guys are so right about broken ppl on Tinder.
My first goal in dating is approaching ppl in real life at a bar etc.
That wont happen for a while due to covid.

Keep working out.
Looks like a great sale is closing at work.
Focusing back to NMMNG and will start reading 3% man.

A leak in my roof discovered today.
Great timing, less than a month after I bought the house... Amor fati!


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
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Originally Posted by Mumin
Thanks for stopping by Steve!
You guys are so right about broken ppl on Tinder.
My first goal in dating is approaching ppl in real life at a bar etc.
That wont happen for a while due to covid.

Keep working out.
Looks like a great sale is closing at work.
Focusing back to NMMNG and will start reading 3% man.

A leak in my roof discovered today.
Great timing, less than a month after I bought the house... Amor fati!


I had to reroof our house this past summer. We had only been here 2 years, but I knew when I bought it that the roof was near the end of its life. Part of home ownership!


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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I think perhaps Tinder in USA is different than it is here. My best friend was supposed to marry his fiancée he met through Tinder although they had to cancel due to covid. But they are happy together. Another friend met his girlfriend there years ago. One of my employees met his girlfriend of three years on Tinder. Another female friend I know met her boyfriend there who is a doctor.

I went on a date recently with a lawyer I met there. I did not find her broken at all. However, for girls there it's quite difficult to meet a good guy they said as there are 80-90 % guys there and many think it's a sex app. So they have to filter through them to find someone decent.

But if you ever do decide to use tinder, you'll be surprised how difficult it is to match with anyone simply because there are so many guys and relatively few girls there.

Years ago online dating had terrible reputation, but that has changed, again I mean at least in our country. Most of my single friends are on there now and they are all good people


Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
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Ben B,

Tinder is the same here. You’ll find good people and you’ll find bad people.

Remember that just because Steve views something one way doesn’t mean it’s true.

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True, I do agree this forum helps seeing the red flags. I can easily spot the obvious ones when I'm swiping but as Mrbside said, sometimes you'll see the warning while on the first date. A red flag for me is actually "I want to be swept off my feat" which I see every now and then on profiles.

My recommendation is always to suggest going for a walk as a date. Worst thing that happens then is that you wasted 30 minutes of your life. For me, I suggest walking my dog. Doesn't take long to tell if this is someone I can go on a second date with or not. But I do agree spending time working on yourself first of course.


Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
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Benny B,

Takes me about 2 minutes to decide yes or know for date 2. I had one Saturday a knew right away I was not interested in another date. I still enjoyed a night out with a new person and a couple drinks. It’s all good.

Last edited by LH19; 11/23/20 07:27 PM.
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Originally Posted by BenB


My recommendation is always to suggest going for a walk as a date. Worst thing that happens then is that you wasted 30 minutes of your life. For me, I suggest walking my dog. Doesn't take long to tell if this is someone I can go on a second date with or not. But I do agree spending time working on yourself first of course.


For me, a walk is something i avoid on the first date. You cant read a person the same, as you are side by side. Body language and expressions are a dead giveaway for things like lying, rolling eyes, etc etc - its hard to guage that when you are looking in front, rather than face to face.. But each to their own.

There are lot of giveaways to a person, when you know where to look - i suspect 99% of the people here didnt know where to look first time around. For me, if the lady has children but spends more time texting you than being with her children, that is a massive red flag - if she will drop the time she spends with the children the second she meets a guy, it shows where her priorities are.. but thats one of many IMO.


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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