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Originally Posted by Wolfman
We both like going to the gym, playing sports, swimming, rock climbing. We have a lot in common as far as being active. She is a international flight attendant, before COVID hit she Would take me with her. She took me to Norway, Paris and we did Brazil as a couples trip. The first 2 she was working and took me along, pulled me up to first class stayed in her hotel so it cost us nothing. In August I surprised her with a trip to Cancun. Had a great time.


This is the same woman that you say is destitute and would be homeless if you didn't let her stay with you? I'm with MrB, your posts are all over the place. One week you can't stand her and want to kick her out because she's abusive but you are afraid to because she will be living on the streets while pregnant with your baby, the next week she's this high-flying jetsetter that is the best l'il girlfriend in the world. I'm having trouble reconciling all these posts you're making!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

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Uuuummmm. That’s why I said he may be a troll. Could anyone’s life be this haphazard? He’s also a teacher so chew on that one for a minute lol. Our youth are in good hands.


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Maybe this will help you understand me. I have always been a person when it came to making decisions in MY life I am very indecisive. I have trouble picking out a paint color for a room, I second guess myself all the time. So my posts being all over the place, yes that is my normal life, which stinks. I have always had trouble making decisive decisions. Instead of having a plan many times in life I go where the wind takes me, which is not good either. Shoot, in college I changed my major 3 times. I went to 3 different college. I struggle with always being afraid of making the wrong decisions. And if I tell someone a situation and I get 2 different advices then I am even more confused. I need to really work on making decisions and sticking with them.

Originally Posted by LH19
Uuuummmm. That’s why I said he may be a troll. Could anyone’s life be this haphazard? He’s also a teacher so chew on that one for a minute lol. Our youth are in good hands.


First off why the insult of the “troll”? Second I am a great teacher!!! When it comes to curriculum and teaching I have a plan and stick to it. My students have always come back and tell me how much they have learned and how much they appreciate my teaching. Look, I have no problem with you guys telling me what to do and not do. But I thought this was a safe space and there was no need to take shots at me. Your advice sometimes I find off but I listen. Because I want to see things from another perspective. I also have a lot more going on in my private life that add to the stress.


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Hey Wolf,

I'm glad you are sticking with us. I don't recall reading in your sitch but have you ever had counseling to determine why you are so indecisive? That seems very fear driven and might be worth looking in to.

Also, what was you upbringing like? Did your parents get along? Are they still married? Any abandonment during your childhood?

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Originally Posted by LH19
Uuuummmm. That’s why I said he may be a troll. Could anyone’s life be this haphazard? He’s also a teacher so chew on that one for a minute lol. Our youth are in good hands.


LH,

this is the second time in 2 days you have made me cry - tears in my eyes from your comments..lol..You are funny.

WM,

This is a safe place, but from our perspective, you are so up and down, it does feel like we go in circles.

One minute you joke about being the poster boy for how not to do it, the next you are making a go of it...

It is so "bang head" against a wall..

So think of it from your teaching standpoint..

Student gets it wrong and asks for advice.

You give advice.

Next days, student is back asking for the same help again.

You give advice

Next day, they havent grasped it and ask the same questions again.

You calmly explain

and so on and so on and so on !!!

How would you feel about this student, if they came to you every day with the same question ?


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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I have always been a person when it came to making decisions in MY life I am very indecisive. I have trouble picking out a paint color for a room, I second guess myself all the time. So my posts being all over the place, yes that is my normal life, which stinks. I have always had trouble making decisive decisions. Instead of having a plan many times in life I go where the wind takes me, which is not good either. Shoot, in college I changed my major 3 times. I went to 3 different college. I struggle with always being afraid of making the wrong decisions. And if I tell someone a situation and I get 2 different advices then I am even more confused. I need to really work on making decisions and sticking with them.


I believe you. It is miserable for people who have this much trouble making decisions. How much does your NGS play on your indecisiveness? Did you wait for your W to make most decisions about the daily things, b/c it was easier on you?

What if one of your students had this problem? What would you advise?

I'm always glad to see you post, rather than going several days of hearing nothing from you.


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Wolf, I have friends like you and I see many of the same struggles. They really come to me and want me to make their decisions for them. Which I refuse to do. I will give them advice, things to think about, but the decision is theirs.

Same with this forum. We don't tell people "what to do". We give perspective, advice, and warning......but is up to the poster to decide. I think you should tell her she has 2 months to move out, that you will support your child, and move on with your life as this kid's father, but not the kid's mother's husband. All I can do is type "that is what I think you should do". But it is up to you to decide.

However, we give you the advice we give you based on the details you choose to share.....or not share. That is where AS is coming from. "She would be destitute without me" to "she is a flight attendant" doesn't jive. We were giving you advice based on her being destitute. And here she is able-bodied and gainfully employed. See how that could change the advice? You received some advice that was very empathetic with her plight, when the reality wasn't quite what you made it out to be.

So yes, this is a safe place. But is also a place where we will call out things that do not make sense. Or when sound advice is ignored (like don't date, let alone impregnate, someone while you are rebounding!) us pointing back to that previous advice and pointing out why we gave that advice. That is as much for everyone else that comes here struggling with similar situations as it is for you. But the bottom line is why even post here if you aren't going to at least consider the collective experience and wisdom found here?

WM, you keep doing you.....and doing what you feel you should. But there will be times we call you out if you are being inconsistent! You came back here admitting you'd screwed up jumping into this relationship, and all of the problems it caused. And then as soon as the sex gets good again, you are all in again. All we want for you is the best, and that you look at things with the perspective necessary to make the best decision.


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Aboulomania (from Greek a– 'without', and boulē 'will') is a mental disorder in which the patient displays pathological indecisiveness. It is typically associated with anxiety, stress, depression, and mental anguish, and can severely affect one's ability to function socially.


You said you had trouble deciding on what color of paint to get. Deciding on the color of paint may not seem as though it should cause anxiety or stress for the majority of people, but for a person like yourself, it seems to bring the same type of feelings you would have with major decisions.

You are dealing with a lot right now, but maybe you could do a little reading about it and see what can be done. Seems to me if you could learn how to proactively resolve or manage this, then it would certainly be helpful in all areas of your life. IMHO, it makes sense why there is so much drama for you.

((hugs))



Last edited by sandi2; 11/17/20 07:07 PM.

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Originally Posted by Steve85
"She would be destitute without me" to "she is a flight attendant" doesn't jive. We were giving you advice based on her being destitute. And here she is able-bodied and gainfully employed. See how that could change the advice? You received some advice that was very empathetic with her plight, when the reality wasn't quite what you made it out to be.

Just to note... many many flight attendants are furloughed or out of a job right now. I have a friend who is a flight attendant with a ton of seniority-- been flying for 20 plus years. She's furloughed and depressed. Her husband is still employed so they aren't going hungry, but if she was completely dependent on her own earnings-- she'd be in trouble. And this is a person who a year ago was jetting off to international destinations and bringing friends, getting facials in Korea and shopping in Hong Kong because... well, why not? That was her job and her lifestyle, which has all now come crashing down. And, many of the jobs that flight attendant skills transfer to easily (customer facing retail, hotels, restaurants, etc.) are also all unavailable right now with tons of people out of work in those industries as well.

Don't be so quick to judge. I feel like I'm the only one here asking for a little sympathy for this woman, and I'm not even a fan-- she may very well be the sociopath you're all making her out to be. But she also just could be a young woman in a really difficult position who doesn't really have the tools to deal with her current situation. If she's only 26 she's probably low on the totem pole with her airline and is out of work. Probably out of unemployment now too. I live in a place that is heavily dependent on tourism and many, many families are really hurting and can't pay rent. The lines for food distribution have stretched hours onto the highway.

And let me say that I lived with my H before we were married and was not at all embarrassed about that-- in fact, I thought it was a must before getting engaged. However, I would have been hugely freaked out to be pregnant and unmarried (and I'm not religious at all). Now, it seems totally crazy to me to have unprotected sex if I didn't want a kid, so I am 100% on board with all of you thinking both Wolf and his GF played with fire and now they are facing the lifelong consequences of some pretty dumb decisions. And yes, I absolutely question the thought process of anyone who would do that, so she very well may be a sociopath and trying to get her hooks into Wolf. I just want to point out that there isn't necessarily a cognitive distortion between being okay with living together unmarried and being okay with being pregnant and unmarried. I don't know a single couple who got married before they moved in together, but that's just me.


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Interesting wolf. It makes sense to me now. You always say “tell me what to do, guys” instead of “can I have some guidance on making a decision”

I recall from your earlier postings you used to place a lot of blame. Lots of blame on everyone, including the ex. It reminds me of my ex where he would leave decisions in my hands and responsibility in my hands so when something went wrong, he wouldn’t have to take responsibility. Because he did t make the choice or decision or because it wasn’t his job. He could place all the blame on me.

I see how you do that yourself. It’s ok for something to not go the way you hoped as long as you give it your best shot, and take responsibility for it when everything goes wrong. And taking responsibility isn’t just “ I’m wrong, I messed up” it’s taking from what you learned I. That situation and dealing with it

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