A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly
with Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching
SPECIAL APRIL OFFER -- SAVE $40
THREE DIVORCE BUSTING TELEPHONE COACHING SESSION FOR ONLY $350
CALL 303-444-7004 and mention this offer
or use code: SAVE_$40 in the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 10 of 11 1 2 8 9 10 11
Re: Persistent Endurance (Part 8) [Re: ovrrnbw] #2907826
11/06/20 08:11 PM
11/06/20 08:11 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,085
N
neffer Offline
Member
neffer  Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,085
Thatīs exactly what I was going to post Ovr!


Curtis, Steve! You need to BE HAPPY

Learn to accept yourselves. Love yourselves first. Find happiness inside. It is there.

Search for a member called "Denver". Read his story.


WW H(me): 50
W: 46
T: 26 M: 21
S: 16
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Re: Persistent Endurance (Part 8) [Re: curtis7] #2907827
11/06/20 08:11 PM
11/06/20 08:11 PM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,110
San Antonio, Texas
J
joejoe1 Offline
Member
joejoe1  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,110
San Antonio, Texas
Originally Posted by curtis7
There are many LBS here that are divorced and seem jaded against cheaters and for good reason considering the pain they inflict. I do have a question for former WWs and LBS that have R after EAs/PAs. How long did it take between the WW/WAS initiating NC and moving through A withdrawal until a firm commitment was made to R


Well to answer this question, I have to elaborate on something. And that's respect. At the end of September 2017, I found out my WW was still talking to her AP. Two weeks before that she told me she had stop talking to him. The night I discovered she was still talking to him, she was planning to me up with him in a another city in a couple of weeks. Mind you, that night she asked me to watch a movie with her, and for the past couple of weeks, she was asking me to spend time with her. I took it as, her coming around. But it wasn't! So that night in September, when I discovered her still talking to him. I HAD ENOUGH. I didn't care anymore, I still wanted my marriage, but I wanted my RESPECT much more. I'm built to not deal with disrespect for toooooo long. So I woke her up, it's was like 2 or 3 a.m. And I showed her, her messages. She looked all crazy, and I told her she had two choices. She could either continue talking to him and leave or stop talking to him and stay, but as long as you stay here stay. I knew I couldn't force it, but it she would of choose to continue talking to him, our truck would of been packed up with her Sh$t the next day. She told me she needed time to decide. I told her, her time was up!!!! She needed to answer right now. She choose to stay. Over the next few weeks. I got the hell away from her. I had no more need to be around a cheater and liar.

After that night, I didn't ask her a dam thing about her life, I continue to live my life and work on my relationship with my boys. At the middle of October, she asked me to go to counseling. I said ok. I didn't beg her to go, she kept pushing off the counseling day she requested, I told her, this is my last time requesting a date. She ending up going on the last day I requested. Then on or around Halloween, I asked what the h@ll we are doing, because I'm trying to move forward with my life (my slight mistake), but she said, "I don't know about you, but I'm working on the Marriage". I was shocked. I walked off and said ok. Then over the next month, we started to become physical. On or around New Years, I told her she needs to write up a "No contact" letter, and let me read it before she send it to him. I read it and reworded. She accepted my revision of the "No Contact" letter and sent it to him.

Notice, that her acceptance of anything dealing with our relationship or Marriage came after, I put my foot down and didn't tolerate her disrespect and actions.

I also made it known, through my actions that I would/will be ok without her. I started respecting myself after I found this site at the end of August. I made myself a person only a fool would leave.

What also crazy, I read in some of her text to her AP, he was getting upset with her, because, she was talking about me too much to him. Asking him, why I was doing certain things. She was also, doing google searches on numbers I was calling in my phone. I was basically detaching myself from her while we were still married.

One night, in the beginning of September, she asked me was I cheating on her, because, I was doing so much stuff outside the home. I just looked at her like, "it's none of your business anymore, what I'm doing. She told me that she started to dread the thoughts of me being with another woman.

Your Wife hasn't had a chance to miss you, because she has never LOST you or been given the opportunity to think she was going to loss you. You are so accessible, you might as well be her coat in a closet. She puts you on when she gets cold, but, while she's hot you are put up in the dark closet.

You get 2X4's because we care about you. We care about your family and marriage, but to be honest, all your actions, show you only care about yourself. Even your list is full of selfish intent. Stop being selfish and start loving. And allowing people to make their own decisons is a part of that process. Your W don't/won't/can't love you because you won't allow her to with your actions. She is being smothered with you and your impatient for her to make a decision to choose you. SHE DON'T WON'T YOU. YOU are not attractive. All your actions are unattractive. Stop doing unattractive things and stop loving your wife and sometimes, loving a person, is letting go! When you love a person you allow them to make themselves happy without you intervening in the process of their decision making.

The reason, why you didn't come back because of the 2x4s are because, you didn't like what we were telling you. You didn't like hearing that we didn't agree with your actions or your W actions. The truth hurts, it's painful, and you or you WW can't heal until you both deal with the truth. You ar lying to yourself about your entire situation. Stop lying to yourself, so you can stop lying your WW to LIE to YOU.

Last edited by job; 11/13/20 03:29 PM. Reason: edited language

M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Re: Persistent Endurance (Part 8) [Re: curtis7] #2907828
11/06/20 08:12 PM
11/06/20 08:12 PM
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 1,314
M
may22 Offline
Member
may22  Offline
Member
M
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 1,314
Hey Curtis,

I would suggest checking out the MLC board and consider moving your thread over there. There are a number of people in similar situations to you (long-term IHS) and the vibe over there is very different from this one.

If you haven't followed IronWill's thread on this board either, I'd suggest you read it, as he's been in IHS for going on two years. He has a really great recent post with advice for people walking a similar path to him that you might find helpful-- I did. I think if you're going to continue down this path, really focusing on yourself and detachment is going to be key.

Also, this:

Originally Posted by joejoe1
Your Wife hasn't had a chance to miss you, because she has never LOST you or been given the opportunity to think she was going to loss you. You are so accessible, you might as well be her coat in a closet. She puts you on when she gets cold, but, while she's hot you are put up in the dark closet.

You get 2X4's because we care about you. We care about your family and marriage, but to be honest, all your actions, show you only care about yourself. Even your list is full of selfish intent. Stop being selfish and start loving. And allowing people to make their own decisons is a part of that process. Your W don't/won't/can't love you because you won't allow her to with your actions. She is being smothered with you and your impatient for her to make a decision to choose you.

This is gold.


Me (45) H (41)
M:13 T:17, D8 & D11
4/19 BD #1 ILYB
8/19 BD #2 Long-distance EA
12/19 BD #3 Actually 2 year PA
2-5/20 R attempt #1
6/20 limbo again, back in contact with AP
9/20-present R attempt #2
Re: Persistent Endurance (Part 8) [Re: curtis7] #2907839
11/06/20 10:48 PM
11/06/20 10:48 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
S
sandi2 Offline
Member
sandi2  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
Quote
I do have a question for former WWs and LBS that have R after EAs/PAs. How long did it take between the WW/WAS initiating NC and moving through A withdrawal until a firm commitment was made to R?


That answer will vary b/c everyone doesn't progress at the same speed, and for some, there are additional issues that might extend the time........like mental health problems, etc. I was blessed to have the cream of the crop mentoring to me. When I first arrived here on the board, I think my A had ran about nine months. I can't remember exactly how many months in total that it took to cease the A withdrawals after NC. The first 4 - 6 months were the worst, but it took several months total. Keep in mind, I was here every day getting fed what I needed.

At that time, we could also email our mentors, so I was getting a lot of emotional support off the board. I was very depressed, and had no energy or desire to put any effort toward my MR. My mentors had stressed the importance making the commitment to my M, and I honestly didn't feel that I could. In other words, I felt much like your W probably feels now, and I felt it was a death sentence! Sorry, just being honest. Anyway, I did go NC, weathered through many months and still had no desire to work on my M. You see, I think maybe LBH's believe that once his W ends her A, her feelings for him return and they go from there. It's just not that easy.

It took me two years, after NC, before I felt remorse for what I had done to my H. Bear in mind, I was being mentored all that time. I was learning from LBS's about the devastation they experienced. It helped me to look through my resentment to see my H. I had to reach a place where I completely accepted responsibility, and could forgive my H for not meeting my emotional needs in the past. How could I be forgiven, if I wouldn't forgive him? So, women who are not getting that type of guidance and feed back........causes my hope for them to dim. They are not here, so I tell LBH's. They need a source to inform them of what to expect, and explain why they are experiencing certain emotions, what they need to do, etc. I was not in contact with OM during those two years, but I was keeping the fantasy alive in my head by dreaming of how different my life might have been, etc. sick

It was a slow work in progress. One thing I did do that I believe is critical........I intentionally conducted myself in a way to show respect for my H. I understood that I could not feel sexual attraction for my H, if I did not respect him as a man. So, I worked hard on my attitude, speech, body language, facial expressions, and over-all actions. At first, the feelings of admiration were not there, but eventually, the feelings came to match the action.

Curtis, the circumstances in which your W returned to the home, is not ideal by any means. I don't think the LBH should agree to her return, if she wants to have separate bedrooms. They don't have to be sexually intimate, but they most certainly need to share the marital bedroom. Your W is the betrayer and she's returned on her own terms. She's calling the shots about the relationship, and I've not seen that to prove successful during the time I've been here. Asking her to go to bed with you? No, you aren't going to get very far with that approach, b/c you are too thankful to just have her under the same roof. She KNOWS you are willing to take whatever conditions she gives, b/c you want the security of her physically under the roof. In her eyes, it devalues you as a man.

Here's the thing, a lot of guys get confused about their idea of a what it means to be a good H. Of course, women want a good H, don't get me wrong......but she craves a man who is stronger than her and who will take none of her crap. She's already fulfilled the top three things you said were your greatest fears, so how do you think she sees you now that she's done all of that and you're just so happy to have her staying in the guest bedroom, cramming her things in the bedside table? That behavior alone, tells me she doesn't plan to do anything to indicate she's there permanently. No matter what b.s. she gives, she is not back for you or the MR. I would go as far to say she's not back for the sake of her children, although that's the story she'll give.

So, I'm afraid you are in for more uncertainty, and years of no intimacy. This woman wants a lot of male attention, but she doesn't want you. She looks to men to feed her ego, b/c she is afraid of losing her youth and beauty. I went through some of that myself, and that led to an A. You could tell her how beautiful she is till you turn blue, but due to her unhealthy mindset, it doesn't count if it's her H saying those things. She wants admiration from other men, to validate her.

You need to figure this out, Curtis, and decide what you will tolerate the rest of your life. She has gone through three men, that you know about, and who knows how many EA's. This woman has not finished behaving like an unmarried lady. It's heartbreaking to read your posts, b/c you remind me of my own H in many ways. You are a good man, treat people right and have the patience of Job.........but it doesn't attract your W, due to her own mindset. She is taking advantage of the security you provide during these scary days. That's what she does. Takes advantage of you! You can't talk her back and you sure can't nice her back. She's in a mental place that your niceness doesn't reach. My guess is she'll need lots of therapy before she returns to being anywhere close to the woman you loved as your W. She has issues that have nothing to do with you, but the outcome affects you. She's got to figure that stuff out, and you can't do it for her. So, make up your mind what you are willing to settle for........b/c that's all you've done at this point, just settled for what few crumbs she throws. You've hinged all your hope to her snapping out of this "whatever", and seeing the light of day. Whenever a woman is scared like OM scared her the night his car showed up at your place, and then she still wants to contact him "b/c she cares about him".........she's messed up!

I know LBH's come here looking for hope. However, I think that kind of hope prevents them from being objective and applying tough love where needed........b/c they are in this fog of hopefulness. That's why you've held on to the dream all this time. Could it happen? IDK, but I'm pretty sure it won't be like you thought or hoped it would be, nor happen anytime soon. In most of the successful cases I've witnessed, it occurs after the LBH decides he isn't going to just "settle". He let's go.

I knew when you asked how long it took some of us, you were trying to decide how long you could wait around to get a little affection or some positive sign from her. I'm sorry. I really am sorry for you. ((hugs))


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Re: Persistent Endurance (Part 8) [Re: curtis7] #2907865
11/07/20 07:53 PM
11/07/20 07:53 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 411
S
Steve_ Offline
Member
Steve_  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 411
Something ive had to come to terms with.

As long as I am available to her, she will never value me. And even if I become unavailable she still may never again value me. So being concerned about what she will do is a recipe for disaster and more heartbreak, you absolutely have to just do what you need to do for you and if she wants to be there she will make it clear to you eventually or not. I hope that helps brother.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
She moved in with "roomate" 10/15/20
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
She doesnt want to Recon "yet"
Re: Persistent Endurance (Part 8) [Re: curtis7] #2908411
11/13/20 02:44 PM
11/13/20 02:44 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 309
C
curtis7 Offline OP
Member
curtis7  Offline OP
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 309
Originally Posted by LH19
Again Curtis 6 years here and your W is hands down the worst WW Iíve seen.

Originally Posted by Steve85
Here is my question for you curtis. Why is your self-esteem so low that you could let someone treat you this way for this long without finally saying "enough is enough" and taking decisive action to move your own life forward?!
I have high esteem, value, and self worth. I also owe my W time to work through her issues. I had an amazing partner for over a decade and a half. That person didnít just up and disappear, she became wayward. She made choices that cut deep and hurt me more than anything I thought a person could. I am not blameless in this and did many things over the years that caused her to resent me and open herself up to the temptation of others. Yes, it absolutely [censored] beyond belief how far she took it by leaving and having multiple affairs. Nevertheless I will defend and support her now that she has returned home as I see the loving and caring woman that I married is still in there. This doesnít mean she wants to be with me.

Originally Posted by Steve85
And LH nailed it with your kids. I am about as anti-D as they come, but your children watching this for this long is going to have lasting effects on how they view relationships, and will potentially set them up for toxic, bad relationships in their own lives. So while you are holding on tight, hoping for her to magically wake up from her fog (insert a giant Steve85 eyeroll along with LH), the damage that is being done to your children, potentially irreversible, is concerning. At some point curtis you have to stop wanting what you want so badly, and think about them.

And spare me the "oh they don't know what is going on" speech. Kids are way more perceptive about this stuff then you could ever imagine.
I think about this often and it pisses me off that my kids see the way that W and I live together. This is not the relationship model I want them to believe is acceptable. I made some very bad choices since BD which didnít show that I valued self respect. Instead it showed my kids that it was okay for someone to treat you poorly. I canít go back and change that and I pray that this limbo is coming to an end to minimize the long term damage on my kids so they donít experience this in their relationships.

Just the other day, D6 said to her mom I know why you had to leave our house and go to the other house. Itís because you were fighting with dad. W replied weíre not fighting at all. Itís like my daughter now believes a good solution is to pickup and run away rather than work through marital issues based on what her mother has shown her. Sad.


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
Ríville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Re: Persistent Endurance (Part 8) [Re: curtis7] #2908412
11/13/20 02:46 PM
11/13/20 02:46 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 309
C
curtis7 Offline OP
Member
curtis7  Offline OP
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 309
Originally Posted by neffer
Thatīs exactly what I was going to post Ovr!

Curtis, Steve! You need to BE HAPPY

Learn to accept yourselves. Love yourselves first. Find happiness inside. It is there.

Search for a member called "Denver". Read his story.
Nef, Ovr, thanks for the supportive posts. Iíve always appreciated your advice. I am happy, but like most I want what I canít have. Would be great if we could put all the crap behind us and not worry about that ever happening again.

I read through some posts by Denver_2010 (his posts are longer than mine lol). He showed a PMA while being on the rollercoaster for a long time. He described it as fake it til you make it. I fake happiness around my W at times too. Itís hard, especially when you think about how how easily she gave herself to the OM, but wonít give the same to me. Itís important to remember that most people donít want to be around others that are sad and depressed so itís better to act as if. I try to remember and implement this mindset.

Denver also wrote about playing his ace in the hole of pressing forward with D. He was fed up and done when his WW wouldnít go NC and took this step. It turned out to be the driving force for her to finally realize what she was giving up. I was in much the same place on June 1st when I discovered the PA was continuing behind my back. I told my W not to bother coming back and I absolutely meant it. I wanted nothing more to do with her and fully accepted it was time to initiate the D. When she came back that night and handed over her phone and committed to NC I was caught off guard. I do see that I took her back too easily. She didnít have to experience the feeling of fully losing me.


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
Ríville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Re: Persistent Endurance (Part 8) [Re: curtis7] #2908413
11/13/20 02:47 PM
11/13/20 02:47 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 309
C
curtis7 Offline OP
Member
curtis7  Offline OP
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 309
Originally Posted by joejoe1
Then on or around Halloween, I asked what the h@ll we are doing, because I'm trying to move forward with my life (my slight mistake), but she said, "I don't know about you, but I'm working on the Marriage". I was shocked. I walked off and said ok.
Joe, thanks for sharing this, it helps put the respect youíre talking about into perspective. I have to say your sitch turned around rapidly once you put your foot down. You are fortunate that you didnít have to be patient for long. Your W didnít move out to see what she was giving up. My WW was much farther gone.

What was your slight mistake? Asking her what the two of you were doing or adding the part about you moving forward with your life?

Last edited by job; 11/13/20 03:31 PM. Reason: edited language

Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
Ríville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Re: Persistent Endurance (Part 8) [Re: curtis7] #2908414
11/13/20 02:51 PM
11/13/20 02:51 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 309
C
curtis7 Offline OP
Member
curtis7  Offline OP
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 309
Originally Posted by Sandi2
When I first arrived here on the board, I think my A had ran about nine months. I can't remember exactly how many months in total that it took to cease the A withdrawals after NC. The first 4 - 6 months were the worst, but it took several months total. Keep in mind, I was here every day getting fed what I needed.

At that time, we could also email our mentors, so I was getting a lot of emotional support off the board. I was very depressed, and had no energy or desire to put any effort toward my MR. My mentors had stressed the importance making the commitment to my M, and I honestly didn't feel that I could. In other words, I felt much like your W probably feels now, and I felt it was a death sentence! Sorry, just being honest. Anyway, I did go NC, weathered through many months and still had no desire to work on my M. You see, I think maybe LBH's believe that once his W ends her A, her feelings for him return and they go from there. It's just not that easy.
Sandi, I think the lack of feelings for your H and sentiment towards your MR after going NC describe my W to a T. You were blessed to have mentors that kept you on track. It took a lot of courage for you to come the boards and get the help you needed. I realize my chances donít look so good without my W appearing to work on herself and no MC to lead us along a proven path.

Originally Posted by Sandi2
It took me two years, after NC, before I felt remorse for what I had done to my H. Bear in mind, I was being mentored all that time. I was learning from LBS's about the devastation they experienced. It helped me to look through my resentment to see my H. I had to reach a place where I completely accepted responsibility, and could forgive my H for not meeting my emotional needs in the past. How could I be forgiven, if I wouldn't forgive him? So, women who are not getting that type of guidance and feed back........causes my hope for them to dim. They are not here, so I tell LBH's. They need a source to inform them of what to expect, and explain why they are experiencing certain emotions, what they need to do, etc.
I donít know what level of remorse my W might feel. She certainly hasnít expressed remorse in a manner that matters to me. Are you suggesting that I inform my W what she is going through, how this process might play out, and what steps are needed for it to be successful much like your mentors did for you?

Originally Posted by Sandi2
Here's the thing, a lot of guys get confused about their idea of a what it means to be a good H. Of course, women want a good H, don't get me wrong......but she craves a man who is stronger than her and who will take none of her crap. She's already fulfilled the top three things you said were your greatest fears, so how do you think she sees you now that she's done all of that and you're just so happy to have her staying in the guest bedroom, cramming her things in the bedside table? That behavior alone, tells me she doesn't plan to do anything to indicate she's there permanently. No matter what b.s. she gives, she is not back for you or the MR. I would go as far to say she's not back for the sake of her children, although that's the story she'll give.

So, I'm afraid you are in for more uncertainty, and years of no intimacy. This woman wants a lot of male attention, but she doesn't want you. She looks to men to feed her ego, b/c she is afraid of losing her youth and beauty. I went through some of that myself, and that led to an A. You could tell her how beautiful she is till you turn blue, but due to her unhealthy mindset, it doesn't count if it's her H saying those things. She wants admiration from other men, to validate her.

You need to figure this out, Curtis, and decide what you will tolerate the rest of your life. She has gone through three men, that you know about, and who knows how many EA's. This woman has not finished behaving like an unmarried lady. It's heartbreaking to read your posts, b/c you remind me of my own H in many ways. You are a good man, treat people right and have the patience of Job.........but it doesn't attract your W, due to her own mindset. She is taking advantage of the security you provide during these scary days. That's what she does. Takes advantage of you! You can't talk her back and you sure can't nice her back. She's in a mental place that your niceness doesn't reach. My guess is she'll need lots of therapy before she returns to being anywhere close to the woman you loved as your W. She has issues that have nothing to do with you, but the outcome affects you. She's got to figure that stuff out, and you can't do it for her. So, make up your mind what you are willing to settle for........b/c that's all you've done at this point, just settled for what few crumbs she throws. You've hinged all your hope to her snapping out of this "whatever", and seeing the light of day. Whenever a woman is scared like OM scared her the night his car showed up at your place, and then she still wants to contact him "b/c she cares about him".........she's messed up!
Wow! Thank you for this Sandi. I appreciate your assessment. You remember the details of what Iíve shared. Iíve read this several times trying to let it sink in. Years of no intimacy crosses a boundary of mine. Iíve lived a year of S and know that Iíll be just fine. I need to decide how much longer I will settle and tolerate this. I canít imagine she is happy. Who knows, maybe she gets enough emotional release by having me to talk to during the day and doesnít want physical intimacy right now due to the damage it caused to those closest to her. We are both very stubborn people, whatever the case, I highly doubt she will accept this living situation until the kids move out, I certainly wonít.

I had this misconception that she would just snap back after ending her A and going NC. I guess I related it to the day I was BD, within minutes I saw everything crystal clear. That was my awakening for realizing my poor behavior in the MR and from that time forward I made a commitment to improving myself, learning what it takes to be a good H, and being AMOAFWL. The difference is I wasnít in love with someone else and hadnít given up on our MR, I just wasnít loving her the way she needed to meet her emotional needs. In that sense, it was very easy for me to commit to doing the hard work. I see how rare it is for a WW to have a quick turnaround or to return to respecting and loving her LBH at all. Itís very sad.

Originally Posted by Sandi2
I know LBH's come here looking for hope. However, I think that kind of hope prevents them from being objective and applying tough love where needed........b/c they are in this fog of hopefulness. That's why you've held on to the dream all this time. Could it happen? IDK, but I'm pretty sure it won't be like you thought or hoped it would be, nor happen anytime soon. In most of the successful cases I've witnessed, it occurs after the LBH decides he isn't going to just "settle". He let's go.

I knew when you asked how long it took some of us, you were trying to decide how long you could wait around to get a little affection or some positive sign from her. I'm sorry. I really am sorry for you. ((hugs))
Sandi, you are amazing! I get so much out of your posts because you put into perspective how the LBH is viewed by the WW. The insight into her mindset is invaluable. Thank you so much for taking the time to help me.


Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16
PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18
PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19
Ríville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20
W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Re: Persistent Endurance (Part 8) [Re: curtis7] #2908415
11/13/20 02:55 PM
11/13/20 02:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,561
S
SteveLW Offline
Member
SteveLW  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,561
Curtis you're in denial. She did up and disappear. Maybe to never return. The woman you now deal with IS NOT the same person that you spent 15 years with. Sorry, but until you face that reality you will continue to be stuck.


M(51), W(52),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Page 10 of 11 1 2 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004