Living in the Light IV

[DejaVu6]

Luckily this house isn’t filled with too many memories of XH as he was only here for about a year. I’ve been here four years so the memories are more about me and the kids. But...we’ve got lots more memories to create in the new house so it will be fine. Just have to survive living at my sister’s place for the next year or two. Bought my first appliance for the new house on Saturday. I went to Lowe’s and they had some display models on for almost 50% off. One of them was this fridge that my sister and I have been coveting. Super high tech with a computer that can basically run your home. Also keeps track of expired foods and has cameras inside so you can look at if from your phone to remind yourself what you might need (i.e how much milk is left?). It plays music, games, and basically can do whatever your phone does. It can also find your phone. Just have to wait until the house is built before we get to use it.

So...two days of packing and it’s been pretty slow going. It would be different if I was just packing up and moving to a new place but I’m having to amalgamate two homes into one so there is a lot of stuff to sort through and decide what to keep, what to donate and what to throw away. I am a pretty sentimental person so decisiveness is not my forte. And what the heck does one do with wedding pictures after a divorce...especially when they are literally the BEST pictures of me that have ever been taken? Day three today...tackling my bedroom and my closet. Unfortunately it’s a big closet. Tomorrow my sister is coming over and we are taking on the kitchen and the laundry room. Wednesday will be leftover stuff and then Thursday and Friday I have a moving truck booked. Thursday my BIL and I are going to be taking big furniture items for donations. Friday is when all the furniture goes to storage or the house. I’ve hired a couple of guys who have a business in town moving things and putting together IKEA furniture. My sister and BIL are realtors and have used them lots so I know they are pretty reliable. Saturday miscellaneous last minute tasks, Sunday cleaners and Monday carpet cleaners and then Tuesday XH starts his move in.

Anyway...time to get going on my room. This week cannot go by fast enough!! (((HUGS))) to all!

[DnJ]

Good Morning DV

You are certainly busy at the moment.

I’m a sentimental person as well. I know, shocker. Lol. I live among all the memories of my past. Still in the house that XW and I first purchased, loved and raised our four kids, and lived in for 23 years. I walk and wander my yard in which we planted a special feature tree for the birth of each our children. We also planted an oak tree with the purchase of the house and the starting of our family. These trees, much like my happy memories of the past, are strong and solid.

Each of the kids’ trees are as old as they are. Those treees grew with my kids, from wee sapling to tall tree. They have withstood the many storms of life and time, have deep roots, are strong and stable, and are each unique and spectacular. (And the trees look pretty nice too. Lol)

And what the heck does one do with wedding pictures after a divorce...especially when they are literally the BEST pictures of me that have ever been taken?

I’d keep them. Especially being a sentimental gal like yourself. Mine are still on the shelf of photo albums, along with vacations and the many baby albums. Kids, grandkids, will look at them someday too. They are/will be interested in where and who they came from.



Long ago moments are perserved
Within an album they will not flit.
Upon a seldom dusted shelf
These entombed memories sit.

For years the books remain
Unopened and in dormancy.
Vanished from recollection
Becoming a way of normalcy.

Yet, the albums remain and stand
As stanchions often do.
A permanence of record
Depicting a life that was good and true.

So, let these albums sit
Dusting them once and a while.
For at some future time
You will open them and you will surely smile.

D

[Dawn70]

You know, I so enjoy reading everyone's stories and gathering words of wisdom from various people across the site and it often strikes me how in some ways, many of us are similar, while in other ways, many of us are different. We are, after all, a collection of strangers from random points across the country who may or may not have connected in some degree in real life, thanks to the magic of the internet and social media.

I say all that to respond specifically to the thing about what do we do with wedding pictures. Unlike many of the people on here, my XH was not the husband of my youth. He wasn't my first love (though he WAS my first husband) and we didn't have children together. Now, I consider is children my children, but they technically have a mother who is not me. So, when it came to "what do I do with the wedding pictures?" In short, I trashed them. What do I need that reminder for? We also had a tradition of purchasing and having personalized a Christmas ornament each year of our marriage. I debated on what to do with those, but ultimately, those went to the trash as well, because odds are not terribly likely that another couple named Dawn and Mr. Dawn who got married on 10/29/2005 would be looking for a collection of random ornaments. The main reason I hesitated was that it seemed wasteful to just throw them away. Some of them I likely would've kept if there had been a way to remove the personalization without damaging the ornament, but I didn't put too much effort into it.

I did keep a few wedding pics. There is one of me and my dad that I adore, one of both of my nephews (separately) that are too precious for words, one of me and my mom where I look especially beautiful, one of just the 3 girls all dressed up and looking beautiful and happy. I kept those memories because those people will continue to be a part of my life forever, but the ones that had XH and I or just him went to the trash can. There were a few of just him or him and his family members that I offered to the girls and they took them more out of a sense of not wanting to hurt my feelings than anything. The irony of all that to me was that one of XH's biggest complaints was that when he and his first XW split, she went through and took most of the pics of the girls when they were little and left him with few not so good shots. After he moved out, NOT taking any of our joint photos, I went through and sorted photos and gave him ALL of his family photos and girls' photos and even tried to give him our wedding pics and he got mad because I kept 5 pics (I'm not exaggerating here...it was literally 5 pictures) of the girls when they were little that he had given me to me before we married. I didn't argue with him because all of our current pics were in albums on my facebook or stored on my computer anyway, so I just let him have everything. He took it all except the wedding photos.

Sorry for the long response..............sometimes I get carried away.

[kml]

And what the heck does one do with wedding pictures after a divorce...especially when they are literally the BEST pictures of me that have ever been taken?

You save them for your kids.

[AndrewP]

And what the heck does one do with wedding pictures after a divorce...especially when they are literally the BEST pictures of me that have ever been taken?

Use them for your online dating profile?

You save them for your kids.

I packed up all the wedding photos into the boxes my ex-wife eventually took. In part because I was feeling very bitter.

But I also made digital copies of them which are available to my kids, neither of whom have shown much interest. As an aside, for Christmas this past year I picked up a couple of frames for my son, printed off some pictures and stacked them up in each frame so that he could choose which pictures he wanted to display. One wasn't a surprise, he chose a pencil sketch of our living room done by a very talented and very bored baby sitter about 20 years ago. The other frame I originally had a picture of him and his sister but he chose the copy of my parent's wedding photo.

[DejaVu6]

Thanks everyone... and for the poem D!! I’ve decided to keep the wedding photos for now. Mostly for my kids...so they can see that we were happy together at some point. It is hard to get rid of things. Texted a bit with my first ex the other day. He is such a good guy. Sometimes I wonder if we gave up too easily. We were together nine years and it felt like we split up with not a lot of effort to try to save the marriage. After we split, we spent the next two years eating lunch together once a week and maintaining our friendship until I decided to move back home. I think there may have been some points in those two years when we were both having second thoughts but it was never at the same time. When one of us was feeling weak, the other one was feeling strong. He met someone shortly before I left and they ended up married and having a kid together. They’ve been separated at least ten years now and he hasn’t had a relationship of any consequence since. Anyway...we stay in touch. He tells me all the time that he thinks I am amazing. I’m kinda proud of that.

Day four of non-stop packing and every muscle in my body hurts...lol. The last three times I moved, I had movers so I had forgotten how much work this is. Wouldn’t be so bad if I just had to pack everything but there is a lot of sorting and recycling and donating, etc... it is an awful lot of work. Tomorrow is my last day of packing and then Thursday and Friday is moving furniture. My BIL and I rented a truck for Thursday to donate some large furniture items. I have hired some movers my BIL knows to move all the furniture on Friday. Then I have Saturday to deal with the food.

Time to hit the hay. Super exhausted. I hit 11,000 steps today and I didn’t even leave my house...lol. (((HUGS))) to all!!!

[Traveler]

You know, I so enjoy reading everyone's stories and gathering words of wisdom from various people across the site and it often strikes me how in some ways, many of us are similar, while in other ways, many of us are different. We are, after all, a collection of strangers from random points across the country who may or may not have connected in some degree in real life, thanks to the magic of the internet and social media.

I'd like to think if you and I (or anyone in this sub-forum) randomly started chatting at a Starbucks, wine bar, or trail our curiosity would lead us to find excuses to keep talking until we realized we should stay in touch. I hope we all connect someday outside of here. I hear Sparky makes good baked goods. Totally selfish desire.

So, when it came to "what do I do with the wedding pictures?" In short, I trashed them.

I’ve decided to keep the wedding photos for now. Mostly for my kids...

I put my album in a box in the garage where they've sat, sealed for 11 years. I didn't want to make a hasty decision--"My kids may want to see them someday?" They've never asked, but then again, I've never offered.

Time to hit the hay. Super exhausted. I hit 11,000 steps today and I didn’t even leave my house...lol. (((HUGS))) to all!!!

Good luck on your move! Glad you're getting in a workout and at least have BIL to help.

[DejaVu6]

Well...all moved out with most of my sanity still intact. Many boxes to unpack now but saving most of that for the weekends as I am back at work now. It was hard to leave my home but I am keeping my eye on the future. XH is already making lots of changes. He wants to mount his tv on the fireplace so punched a hole in it in search of tv wires we both swear we were told were in there when we bought the house. We were both surprised to find out that none were to be found. He texted me this afternoon that our son has a wicked sense of humour as he made some comment about the hole in the fireplace that cracked XH up. It is nice that he sometimes texts me random things like that. We are developing a friendly coparenting relationship that I think bodes well for our kids. I told him that I hope he finds the life he wants living in that home and I meant it. OW could certainly use some better luck, that is for sure, as she’s been through the medical wringer.

Had a slight hiccup in our communications today when he texted me to ask if they had inherited the Christmas tree as well. This tree is HUGE. Literally comes in five pieces (two of which we have never used) and stands over 20 feet tall when it is put together. We bought it for $100 from Rona (big Xmas sale) and it took two trips in our Honda Element to get it home. I loved that tree but really did not have room for it so I left it in storage at the home. Anyway, I took the text as a complaint so I told him that just because he took his clothes and his garage items when he left didn’t mean that he got to leave everything else we had collected over 12 years for me to deal with and that I had already dealt with more than my share. I expected him to get upset with me in return but what I got back was... no....wrong message...I am happy about it, I was just double checking. He later followed up with “we are both grateful for everything left behind.” I told him that was a good example of why I don’t like texting and to include an emoji when the text is ambiguous like that.

Anyway...time to sleep. Lots of work piled up while I was away on my “vacation”...lol. Oh... almost forgot...there was only one new CV19 case in my area from Monday to Tuesday and 18 over the weekend which is a three-day total. We are down to less than 100 active cases for a population of just under a million. 60% of us have had at least one vaccine. Get your vaccines people. They are working!!!

[DejaVu6]

A week at my sisters and so far so good. Ordered a few shelves for my room and D13’s room. Once we have those up, we will be able to fully unpack our belongings and settle in.

So I know I said I wasn’t going to do the OLD thing for awhile but Tinder kept sending me notifications on my phone and I got curious about who might be out there since it’s been almost 10 months since I was last on there. Had to enable my profile to look around and had over 300 likes by the next day. (CW…I totally believe that stat about guys swiping right on one out of 10 profiles.) Most of them were a hard no but I saw a few local ones that looked pretty interesting. One in particular… a guy close to my age who had a great smile and looked like he would be a lot of fun. He had two pics wearing uniforms. One was a paramedic’s uniform and the other was a provincial transportation organization that shall remain nameless. I swiped right and sent him a message asking him about the two uniforms and wondering if it was some kind of a government cost-sharing program that I, as a tax-paying citizen, should be aware of. He texted back awhile later saying “good one” and we ended up texting for about an hour. Single dad with two daughters and a son. Son lives with him full time and attends university. Daughters live with him half time. One is 16 and I think the other one is 21 and they are with him every other week. Interesting that the 21 year-old is still going back and forth between homes but I guess she must really want to spend time with both parents. He’s been divorced since 2014 and has had one serious relationship since then that ended in the fall but “officially” in January. OLD is a bit new to him and he’s run into some strange people but that’s pretty much par for the course. Have to kiss a lot of frogs…

CW, I think you would get on with this guy. He’s not a mountain climber like you but he does like to hike a lot. Last summer he did the Tour Mont Blanc (TMB) which is apparently on the bucket list of most hikers. A 170 km mountainous trek between France, Switzerland and Italy. He sent me many pictures…looked unbelievable. Anyway, it was a good conversation and I guess he found me interesting enough to ask me out. Nice that he doesn’t want to text for eons (unlike someone who shall remain nameless and has gone silent since I gave him my number and told him to call me when/if he wanted to actually go out). We’re going to meet next Sunday after his shift. Probably an afternoon coffee (he loves coffee as much as I do) as he is working until 3 p.m. He told me last night to text him anytime if I want to chat. I’ve decided not to do that unless he texts me first and to try not to get into too many long conversations. I have done this enough to know that it’s not a great idea to talk to someone too much before you meet face to face as it can be awkward if you have developed an online “relationship” with someone and there is no attraction in person. Been there, done that and it can be really uncomfortable to try to back pedal from too much flirting.

So…that’s the latest in DV land. Managing the move from my forever home and XH’s move in with OW pretty well. Still hard to fathom XH’s betrayal when I think back on how everything transpired but luckily I rarely do that. Some things in life aren’t meant to make sense or ever be truly understood so at the end of the day, you just have to accept it. Onwards and upwards.

[Traveler]

(CW…I totally believe that stat about guys swiping right on one out of 10 profiles.)

I swipe right on about 3.33 in 10 profiles, lol.

Had to enable my profile to look around and had over 300 likes by the next day. Most of them were a hard no but I saw a few local ones that looked pretty interesting

Wow, just wow. I felt overwhelmed with a queue of 45, and here you are with a queue of 300!

CW, I think you would get on with this guy. He’s not a mountain climber like you but he does like to hike a lot. Last summer he did the Tour Mont Blanc (TMB) which is apparently on the bucket list of most hikers. A 170 km mountainous trek between France, Switzerland and Italy. He sent me many pictures…looked unbelievable.

I definitely approve. You have good taste, DV. If he has a twin sister, please kindly ask him to send her my way!