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kml Offline
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Why would you assume D4's accidents are about her father instead of about the nanny? Is the nanny in your own home? If so, can you set up a nanny cam just to be sure everything is ok when you're gone?

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kml Offline
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BTW I never remember my anniversary date anymore, it has faded from my consciousness.

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We put the tree up it was a lot of fun. There were a few orniments that xH had made, and each had our picture on it. Holidays through the years.. She hung them at the back of the tree. When she's oldershe can have them.

Havent heard from XH, other than he's still at work. He hasn't mentioned wanting to see D4 and hasnt msg her. Too busy? Sad. She misses him, and often says "he's at work". I'm ready to tell her changes are hapening, when sh asks. Christmas he's usually home. Not this year. I dont know his plans.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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CanBird Offline OP
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Originally Posted by kml
Why would you assume D4's accidents are about her father instead of about the nanny? Is the nanny in your own home? If so, can you set up a nanny cam just to be sure everything is ok when you're gone?


Hi kml. I didn't see your post.... D4's accidents has stopped. I'm doing a nanny share in my home, so nanny watches D4 and a girl a bit older, who does school work. when here. D4 wanted more attention from the nanny.

Glad the accidents have stopped.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
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CanBird Offline OP
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I'm fairly new to the "BIG D" club. Oct 22, 2020. And during Covid! A whole different club right?

What can I say? I'm a single mom, 49, and have a D4.

*See timeline for details on BD from XH, beginning of 2019. I should write a book, as it reads like something that happens only in the movies. He was the one to leave. "I'm not happy....haven't been for 2 years. So basically when he became a father.... things changed (no kidding..duh...). He reached out to an XG from the past, who lives in another country and the rest is history. (see timeline for more details). For all of D4's life, XH remote work has supported us very well, although the trade off was him being remote, at sea, for 6 months or more out of the year. As I was busy being new mom, mostly alone, on an island, remote in my own way, but with wonderful supportive friends, we grew apart. I always thought he was stressed from work, and questioned the distance I felt growing when he was home. He always seemed to dismiss it, say sorry, it's not me it's him... No matter what the cause... D happened. And here we are.

I'm back in the workforce, of my chosen profession, after being out for sometime. Because XH's seasonal work has him away for 6months, although the D was final the end of Oct, and certain things we're outlined in the agreement, we are both working through things in the agreement. (ie.... he hasn't paid CS yet... , the house... I'm in it... we sell or I buy it). Cutting myself from any thing else that binds us... (ie phone plans, insurance: car, health). He's kept me on until I was able to get on my own a bit. He's been good to me throughout COVID, but now with him being done with his seasonal work, we'll see how things go.

So that's it really.

I'd LOVE to find love again, but for me, now is not the time (COVID makes that kind of hard). Not looking, but welcome any chance of course, from a distance... friends first... not a lot of choices either..lol...

Any way. I'll be chiming in more often and posting more too. Just been busy, adulting.

Take Care
Be Good to yourselves


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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kml Offline
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Take your time with dating. You need to heal from your marriage AND figure out how not to repeat the pattern in a new relationship - it takes a while to digest that.


And please, please, please do NOT involve your daughter in your dating. 6 months of dating should be a MINIMUM requirement before they meet your daughter - and then only if you think the relationship will likely become permanent. Kids get attached and then suffer the pain when the relationships break up.

You're going to be ok. Be frugal and make wise financial choices because you have your financial security in retirement to think about as well as the costs of raising a child. Good books to read are Your Money or Your Life by Dominguez and the Tightwad Gazette books.

I'm glad there's an older child in the nanny share, that gives you more security as she would be likely to speak up if anything was awry. Congratulations on getting back into work in your profession. I know you're facing a lot of challenges but you got this.

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CanBird Offline OP
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My D has been final for almost 2 months. XH has been out of state working his seasonal job, and I believe he's done, only because UI mail has come to the house. XH whereabouts is a mystery. I have a few guesses, but only him and his ow know.

We share a D4, and own a home together. Dealing with selling the home, or buying him out is on the table. Our D agreement states how to handle selling the home, but nothing about if one buys out the other.

I just started a new job, it hasn't yet been 3 months, part-time. I don't know if I can afford to take over the house on my own. It's a great home, with a small rental on the property, pool. There's also a hefty mortgage and a home loan we owe on.

I've been talking to family members, and will be consulting with a mortgage broker sometime next week. I just don't know what I can do and where to start...

I don't want to talk with XH about anything at this point, because I don't know what I want to do....

My head is spinning. I know, I'm not the first to go through this, and I won't be the last. Having to deal with this on my own [censored]. XH won't be showing up to help to anything. He left us because he "wasn't happy", and there just happens to be AO, from his past, that lives in EU. Again, I'm not the only one that's gone through this and I will be okay. Just venting I guess.

My D4 caught me looking at places, and said, OH, let's move there... I think she'll be fine, whatever the outcome is.

As much as I want to stay, I don't know if I can do it. I can't do it on my own, and having my family put up their own home as equity, just doesn't sit right. What if it all goes wrong, then what?

When will my head stop spinning


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
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CanBird Offline OP
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ps- I didn't realize I typed something that was censored. I apologize for that. Got carried away on the keys and honestly have no clue what "bad word" I typed above.

My bad..


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
C
CanBird Offline OP
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D4 associates Christmas with her daddy being home from his seasonal job. As the days grow closer to Christmas, she's been asking a lot more about him, and saying this like, "When daddy gets home...."

7 days ago, XH reached out and wanted to contact D4. I sent XH a schedule, so he knew the best times to contact D4.
And here we are with no contact. I've never pushed my kid to contact anyone, ever. If she shows an interest, I will ask if she wants to follow through (ie call, video chat, text, etc, etc ). It frustrates me that XH reaches out, asks when he can contact her, and then nothing. I know better than to tell D4 anything. Keep expectations at zero.

Getting back to the reality of the situation. Daddy is not coming home. Daddy probable won't even visit, or be in the same state. Heck he might not be in the same country. I don't know how she's going to take the news. I ask XH, months ago, when our D became final, what he wanted her to know. I opened the door to the conversation, I want his input. All I've ever gotten is an, "I don't know". That was over a month ago.

XH is MLC/WAS. Not sure where in the world he is. Literally. His own family has been asking me if I know where he is.

I have one day of work next week, then on holidays until the first week of the new year. With all that time off, I feel I can say something to D4. Just thinking about it makes me so sad. But, who knows. Maybe she'll take it better than I did.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
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kml Offline
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The less upset YOU seem about it, the better she’ll handle it.

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