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#2906859 10/27/20 08:11 PM
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Old thread

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2903314#Post2903314


This was my last update on old thread:

Hey guys,

Been following along with other stich's but decided to take a break from mine to try to get an outsiders perspective.


First off thanks to everyone on here.

So quick update,

Detachment is coming along finally.

I went strict NC for a month.

Eventually I responded after wife told me she had decided she wanted a divorce and wanted to talk about finalizing it. we met for dinner. I said I understand that's her decision and wont fight her on it. We set a date to meet at the courthouse. I was actually fine with this as I have pretty much let go. I would say I'm about 80% detached. ( Uncontested divorce in my state requires both parties be present) She cancels and says she's not ready to get a divorce.

She asks to talk. I agree. She asks if we can try MC. I told her if she can say she is fully recommitted to trying to work on our relationship and she is done with OM then I'm on board.

She says she cant commit to either one of those things and so I say no to marriage counseling.


She then says she does not know what to do or what she wants. So nothing has changed.

Part of me is leaning towards just telling her we need to file. I think her not being able to make those commitments is a decision in itself.

Other part of me is leaning towards going back to NC and giving her more space and time.

Looking for some help here.



Thanks to everyone on here.



Sandi, I hope all is well with you. I would love some advice if you're around. You have a knack for being able to break these things down!

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Originally Posted by Steve85
My advice is always the same. Give her more time and space. Continue to be NC. But have a drop dead date.

This. Also, next time she wants to "talk", tell her to talk but don't go to dinner to do it. You probably have something better to do with your time than her "I want MC while I have an affair" shpiel. I mean that seriously, anything you do would be better than that.

Take advantage of this time and GAL like crazy. I regret not doing more during my separation.


H 34
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Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Over,

Thanks for responding. I agree there was no need for us to go to dinner to discuss her wanting to do counseling while she continues having an affair. Crazy request.

I also agree that literally anything could have been a better use of my time.

I've been trying to stay busy. A lot of work and a lot of time at the gym. Down time and weekends have been spent with friends and family or reading.

Hope you're doing good over.

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Doing well Indy. I know that feeling is tough but seriously once you start to get through this you'll realize you are worthy of so much better than this current BS.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2772942&page=1

I'm posting a link to a thread that I just read that I think can help a lot of LBS's understand the reality of their situation.

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So Indy how does that post make you feel?


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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I'm not sure if it makes me feel anything in particular. I think its very true and very helpful in affirming that things are over in a marriage once you get to BD.

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So if things are over in your marriage then whats Indys next step?


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�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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To build a life for myself that I enjoy and am proud of.

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I'll just say that sometimes the WW can have too many options available to her. Know what I mean?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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