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I was also about to suggest a revision.

"I don't think that is a good idea." - Can you see why this is wishy-washy? You "think" it's not a "good" idea. You're expressing uncertainty, and evaluating the idea's goodness, inviting dialogue.

"That doesn't work for me."

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Ah yeah I get it. The NGS is so real. she asked me today why I haven't been talking to her, I backslid. I said "Its not because im mad, actually I did not like the way things have gone down but Im over it. If im mad im mad at myself for not seeing things this way until this divorce, you really meant the world to me, I know its too little to late, but I don't talk to you because I understand you need this and its ok it is what it is"

She replied with "stop being so nice, I cant hate you when your nice and two crying faces"

I told her I was always nice, that why you loved me, im just trying to work on some of the bad things I did, if you gotta make yourself hate me, maybe you should think about that? anyways back to work... catch you later.

She sent me a couple more texts but I didn't respond. I know I messed up. At least the interaction was positive. no more back sliding! ugh at least we are neutral grounds now and there is no more tension. dammit I hate when I do that!


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Yikes! You’re digging yourself a hole you will never get out of my friend.

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Steve_ Offline OP
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Yeah its weird because she acts so positive when I am nice. it feels like its working but I know its not. its so crazy. I guess at least we are not having anger/tension. Sure she got a nice ego boost there. But whatever all I can do now is stick back to the silence again and just business. Dammit.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Going to say it one more time: YOU CANNOT NICE HER BACK


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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Steve_ Offline OP
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Yeah. You are right being nice gets no respect. Its like "oh I left you, lied a bunch and all you want to do is kiss my A? wow you are pathetic.." That's how I think about it when im so nice. I really gotta stop. At least I got a good position to go forward. I just have to make sure I go forward from now on and not backward. At least the last thing I said that has any emotion in it was not a negative thing. That angry message before put a lot of tension on stuff I could tell since she distanced herself. So now that its patched up and shes not pissed off I can get to work, I think that moving out will really help a lot. Im glad you guys inspired me to take some action and get that loan and get out. Thanks I will continue to post and keep you updated. Its really helpful if I didn't have yall here I would have done a lot worse.

Last edited by Steve_; 10/21/20 10:18 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
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Steve_ Offline OP
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So I had to mention it, I just talked to a friend of mine a nurse practioner with 30 years as a therapist and a psychologist (PHD) I told him the situation and he was like, "why would you even want her back? she will just do it again, if you do the same thing she will also do the same thing, that's why I don't do therapy anymore, you spend years on someone and only around 10% of people change" I thought about that hard, even MWD says "10% of divorced couples remarry" hmm. I wonder if those are the same 10% that actually make changes. the Dr. said also "If she always left you and came back, there is a dang good chance she will do it again, make sure she has changed and put up those boundaries for yourself, don't let her move in with you. You did a good thing clearing the air today but stop being nice and show you are happy with yourself from now on, and actually mean it. I think you will like being single eventually, I did" he said that "people that change do it in a reasonable time frame and mean it, they don't like the consequences if they don't, that's why they change, if you haven't yet do you like living this way? no? then change and mean it"

Sounds a lot like what yall say smile

Last edited by Steve_; 10/21/20 11:04 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
Likes: 71
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Oh! Your friend was writing that for your situation, not mine. Wise words for all.

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Did good today she came home after taking the kids out to the pumpkin patch, called before asking if I want McDonald’s i said no thanks. (Trying to keep the depression weight loss off went down like 35 pounds in 3 weeks) I’m looking better than i have in years and she’s said that many times so yeah no McDonald’s lol.

I kissed the kids and gave them some affection she looked up and said “aw I feel left out” I gave her a slight smile and focused on them. She asked if i wanted to sit down i didn’t answer I just continued standing I don’t want to have a conversation with her. She asked how my work went I her told her “good, lots of bandaging today. “ Went about my business in my room and then said I’m gonna go take a walk and she just shrugged. Like annoyed I don’t want to sit there and stare at her in don’t get it lol. Anyways let’s see if she actually stays home tonight on “her day” I bet she will want to leave but let’s see..

Last edited by Steve_; 10/22/20 03:35 AM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
S
Steve_ Offline OP
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She comes in my room in bra and underwear later and asks me if I work on the days I’ve already told her I don’t that I’ll going back to AZ to finish painting. Man I wanted to touch her she stood right there next to me and even put her leg up touching me but I resisted the urge to touch her. I just kept it business and said “good nite”


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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