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i'm so sorry G


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Man, that just sux, G. I'm so sorry everything just keeps piling on. (((G)))


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
kml #2906300 10/20/20 09:10 PM
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job Offline
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Is there any way that he can be held accountable for the error, i.e., like he pay a portion of the money owed? After all, it was his oversight, not yours.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Unfortunately he cannot be held accountable for the error. I just have to pay. It makes me very sad. My dad is going to pay ( ????) and he says I don’t have to pay him back, but I will. I can repay to the IRS with interest which he won’t let me do. So I will repay him.

Otherwise..... I’ve been going to the gym, mostly don’t drink unless I’m going out, although I am enjoying a beer right now because I had a really rough day. I am burnt out, but tomorrow is my last day until November 9th. I am, however, tasked on Friday to repainting my daughters room. Her dad lent me supplies. And I am
Secretly hoping he comes over and helps me, because he is off as well. Not counting on it though, lol. But I do appreciate the supplies.

I have to work on Christmas . For working they were going to give me Christmas Eve off. I then realized I have no one to spend Christmas even with, so I gave it up to those who have family. I had the idea of doing a “Christmas number 2” with D13. Since I won’t get home until 4:30, I told her she could stay with her dad until the festivities are over and come back home. We will do Christmas night like Christmas Eve and The day after Christmas off like it’s Christmas morning. She really liked the idea, and my dad and his wife are on board too. Gotta make the best of the situation.

Work is kicking my butt big time. Lots of people come to me for help and assistance. I am everyone’s go-to. I helped someone out today and it may have bit me in the butt, hopefully everything will be ok.

Next week D14 and I are having a 2 night girls getaway. It will involve mother daughter massages and seeing the Plymouth Rock and mayflower. I’m excited. Mexico was too risky. This should be fun. There is a pool too, and shaping and seafood restaurants ( for me of course) it’s only a 4 hour drive, I can handle that.

I’m surviving. But I might be having caregiver burnout. I’m not sleeping well. I feel like I am there for everyone, helping, giving guidance. And I feel like no one is there for me and it’s tough. This might be hard to believe, but people come to me for guidance and comfort . I might be a mess, but I can help others . And I like to help others.

I realize I am the backburner. But maybe this trip will help me out a little.

That’s all for now

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It's not hard to believe at all G. And yes, even us tough strong women really want to have a shoulder to cry on sometimes. ((((Hug))))

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You sound like you are a bit better G. Still can’t get over the income tax error. That is just ridiculous to me. I think your Christmas plan sounds great. Awesome deal for D14...she gets two Christmases!!! Hopefully there will be a good vibe at work on the actual days so you feel better about being there. Your girls’ trip sounds like fun. Personally, I love driving so a four-hour drive sounds great to me. Hope it gives you the mental break you need to get through the next couple of months. (((HUGS)))

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Sorry about the accountant stuff (but glad your dad is helping) and that you have to work on Christmas, but I love your work-around to allow D13 to have 2 Christmases. These are most certainly memories that she will treasure for years to come. You are a fantastic mom!

Your girls' trip sounds awesome and like a much-needed break for both you and your D for some bonding and relaxing. How fun! I hope that you just relax and take full advantage. I can't wait to see some pictures. wink


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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I don’t know why, but I’m finding more difficult to post about myself. I am surviving . I had a nice trip with D13. It was good we got away together. I’m glad I was able to have that experience with her. She’s still a really tough teen, but a good kid at heart and I think she still loves her mom. But some days, I could just cry. Actually, I do cry. But I have to keep perspective. She isn’t getting into trouble, she gets straight a’s. She’s just lazy and disrespectful and argumentative at times. I don’t usually let her get away with it, but some days I just don’t have the fight.

I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. In the one week I was gone we have had more responsibility added to our plates. I need to find the will to deal with these really difficult families again. It was nice not doing so.

I have to get foot surgery. I still can barely walk, so My doctor and I decided to get it over with. I should only be out of work a few days. It’s a simple procedure and I have a high tolerance for pain.

I’ve really let myself go lately. Physically and mentally. I don’t look good. I gained too much weight, I’m not comfortable in my body, and I have not really cared. I only care when I see a photo of myself and I don’t even recognize me. I gain weight a lot in my face and it distorts me. But what has been most upsetting is I just don’t care anymore. I want to care again. I don’t want to let myself go. I don’t want to give up. I want to feel good about myself again. I want to look sexy again. I want to feel sexy again. I tried to convince myself I could be comfortable and sexy as I am now, but I really can’t be. It’s just not “me” i can’t put myself out there again feeling the way I do.

Tomorrow starts a new me. Getting my will power back. My motivation. My will to feel better and do better. I had lost it all. And that’s not good. I just want myself back again.

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{{{{{hugs}}}}}


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Oct 2018
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It’s strange how we stop caring about ourselves when it feels like the world has stopped caring about us. Just want to reassure you that that is not the case. You’ve taken some hits recently, no doubt, but there are still good things to focus on and I know you know what those things are. There are lots of people on here and IRL who care about you and are pulling for you to get through all of this stuff you’ve had to deal with lately. We believe in you and have faith you will come out of this period stronger and better than before. Just keep moving forward G. There are better days ahead. (((HUGS)))

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