Yeah obviously I’m not. Hence the rest of that post. It’s tough it’s only been like 46 days
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
I said “I think it’s time you stop treating me like I am dumb, I know you I was your best friend you wouldn’t have destroyed our plans, stooped our moves cost us thousands of dollars lied lied lied to me our kids your family and be gone away from our children unless you found something you thought was better. You just want to live with me and him until you decide which one you want. Well no no no I’m not doing that. I already know I’m better, and because I’m tired of you treating me like I’m stupid I’m done. Watch the kids on your days I’ll watch them on mine. We got nothing else to talk about we ain’t friends and we ain’t family, I don’t even know you anymore, you have hurt everyone and you don’t even care”
WORDY! TOO WORDY!
Stop talking and texting. You were told earlier to stop engaging with her like this. This came off as weak, needy, and whiny.
Stop being reactive to her. You are living at her parents?!? Steve_, do you think that commands her respect? What is holding you up from getting your own place? Go out and do it. Bring the kids with you. Setup a visitation schedule for you. DO NOT LET HER STAY THERE EVEN ONE NIGHT.
You are a rudderless ship right now, tossing to and fro. Find your compass, set your course, steer your way there! Take control of YOUR life, forget her, move on without her.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yeah obviously I’m not. Hence the rest of that post. It’s tough it’s only been like 46 days
I don't care if it has been 4.6 hours. Or 4.6 years. Stop making excuses. Detachment is a WiP. Start detaching now. I was able to get 75% detached from my WW in a few weeks. Where she could come to me and say anything, she could get caught doing anything, and I stayed emotionally even.
46 days is nearly 7 weeks. In 46 more days if you are still reacting to her the way you are now, then what is the point?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hi Steve_, to be clear, it's natural to have all these feelings and need to express them somewhere. A journal, these forums, or a good IC could be avenues for those. Venting at your ex-wife is unlikely to improve and probably worsens your situation. When she makes a request, tell her you need time to think about it, think about it, then say yes or no. Skip the defensiveness (complaining, arguing, justifying) as negative talky rarely increases attraction or respect. There are choices that are more controversial. I don't think this one is.
She has called me multiple times today I have answered one time. She called again for my sons school picture and I didn’t answer. She face timed the kids sitting in An apartment. It’s like part of me wants to believe her story but I just can’t I have to assume the worst and just assume that it’s over. And just follow sandis rules. It’s hard but it is what it is. I just wish she would have been honest instead of trying to cake eat me and have that second life. That’s really messed up and it hurts everyone. The whole family is messed up. It’s really sad 😔
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
I have to be honest with myself. I did really good for the first couple weeks but it’s only because I was in denial. I did everything perfect and now that she’s moved out this past Thursday I think that denial phase of the stages of grief is passed. Because of all of you, my friends and even my father in law I have pulled my head out of her fog and done believe anything she says anymore, I had hope but it’s gone now. Yeah I wrote a lengthy text telling her how much she’s hurting everyone, how I’m not stupid and I don’t believe her lies and how I don’t want her to talk to me except for the kids. I realize that post didn’t show any strength. The only thing that will is my silence and treating her the way she deserves to be treated, like someone who threw me away and someone who I don’t even know anymore.
I guess the bargaining stage is skipped. I already know that I have not once begged or pleaded her, I think that is the only thing I have done right. I know It won’t work. She’s told me her reasons and I know begging and pleading will make her have to repeat them over and over. Cementing then more and more so I stayed away from that.
I definitely am getting both the 3rd and 4th stage, anger and depression. I feel so betrayed, so stupid, so wronged. To this moment she won’t tell me the truth but I feel like I know it. And it hurts me to accept it. I have to admit I am very depressed. I’ve lost 35ish pounds and haven’t exercised a bit. She called me today face time I only answered one of her like 5-6 calls and she said “you look like [censored]”. I just shrugged and said “I’m good”. I told her don’t worry about me, I want to talk to you but I can’t and I’m fine.
I thought that I was farther along in this situation. I realize now she is having fun with this OM at his place, she was playing games with me in case he didn’t work out and all I did was writhe in pain and play along. It made me look so weak and OM looks so perfect and strong, appealing. The disaster that she created (me and reality) she can’t face its too ugly and that’s why she’s gone as much as possible. It’s crazy because I miss her but I also dread seeing her. I can’t hide the way i feel. I try to smile and act like things are okay, but my eyes give me away every time. She will see the pain in my face. It’s not attractive it’s reality and a WW wants nothing to do with that. It’s just so hard to look at the person you loved so much and they look at you like you are a pathetic mess. Maybe with pity, but not with love. It’s crushing. I have some days that are better sometimes but every night I lay here and she’s gone and it is worse than when my friend died in the war in front of me. That hurt less than this. It hurts that i used to be such a happy person, a real spirit that lifted people up, funny and so on. I feel like the character from the kids movie called trolls there is a troll called branch he has no colors he is just negative and depressed. I don’t know how to get there but I have to. The pain is just too much. It’s there when I wake up and there when I sleep. And it’s worse when she is here. Because she isn’t really here. I have to speak to her as little as possible. And just fake that I’m okay until it becomes true. I just know that’s gonna take a long time. I really loved her.
Last edited by Steve_; 10/20/2005:28 AM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
I would have to get my own place. All my money was tied up in The other home and I won’t get on my feet for about a month. It’s another month of being here in hell. Dealing with this mess. I could stay with a friend but having the kids there on my days would be rough. She threatened to take them away if I left like that. So I don’t know just vanishing will for sure provoke her. I think the best thing I can do is just hunker down and work work work for the next 30 days so I can leave to my own place.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
I applied for a loan today if I get it I’ll try to find a place to go ASAP
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
